OxyContin/Roxicodone Abusing Boyfriend - In need of support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 136
OxyContin/Roxicodone Abusing Boyfriend - In need of support
I recently joined soberrecovery.com in attempts to gain some support on how to cope with my boyfriend's narcotics addiction/abuse, so I would appreciate any words of wisdom or advice from any of you who have been through the same type of situation.
He and I have been together just over a year, but I know he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with despite his addiction. Just after we started dating last year, I became very ill. For two months I was sick as a dog - my stomach started to swell, I couldn't sleep, was coughing and wheezing all hours of the day, could barely walk across my house without falling over, etc. I saw 5 different doctors over 20 times total in a two month period and none of them could figure out what was wrong with me. Instead of running for the hills like most men would do, this amazing guy who I had just started dating stayed by my side throughout all of it. He picked me up off of the floor when I would fall over, stayed in the bathroom while I showered in case I would pass out, stayed by my side through all the sleepless nights, and I am truly grateful that he supported me through all of it.
Anyway, after two months of unbearable pain and illness, one of my doctors finally figured out what was wrong with me - Heart Failure. I was only 27 when the heart failure occurred (28 now) which is not very common (it was a viral cardiomyopathy-nothing I could have done to prevent it), and it was the most frightening time of my life. I was in ICU for several days and was put on a heart transplant list for 7 months. Every day for almost a year I have been terrified that my heart will fail again, and the only reason I can get through the day is because of the love and support my boyfriend has given me. I really don't know if I would be here today if he wasn't in my life.
Well, here comes the really bad part. After six months of being with him, after everything we have been through together, I find out that he is addicted to oxycontin/roxidodone, and not only is he using too much, but he is also banging the pills (shooting up).
He was in a very bad accident about 7 years ago - shredded his entire left leg - and that is when he started taking narcotics (which were prescribed by his doctor). He also has a slipped disc in his lower back which does cause him major pain on a daily basis, and he goes to a valid pain management clinic for his medical issues. I've been there with him and I am positive this is not a doctor who just gives out prescriptions for narcotics to just anyone, and he gets drug tested every time he goes to see his doctor to make sure he isn't using any other substances.
The problem is that his body is so used to the pills that they aren't even helping with the pain anymore, and I know he is mentally dependent on the pills as well. I kept his meds in a safe for a while and only gave him the proper amount of pills each day, but after a few months of doing that, he started finding the key to the safe and taking pills without me knowing. I finally caught on, moved the key more times than I can remember, but he always finds it.
He has lied to me about banging the pills so many times, but I never actually caught him doing it until recently. Over the past 3 weeks, I have actually seen the syringe, seen the needle, seen the burnt spoon with my own two eyes, and I am scared to death that if he doesn't stop, I will find him dead on the floor of our bathroom one day. I'm terrified of losing him to this addiction, this illness. Every hour of every day I am terrified that he will accidentally kill himself or that our relationship will be so lost in this addiction that we will never get it back.
His life is the most important thing in mine, he is the best part of me, and I know that he is a good, caring person. He loves me without condition, allows me to be myself, and for the first time in my life I am truly happy. He has so much talent and potential, and this abuse is taking all of it away from him, and I just don't know how to make him realize that he is strong enough to beat this, strong enough to get better. He went to rehab once, and while he was getting treatment, the mother of his child left him, so he's terrified that if he goes back to rehab, he'll lose me too. I just don't know where else to turn.
And I also have to take care of myself throughout all of this. My heart is getting better, but I'm supposed to stay out of stressful environments and avoid mental/physical stress altogether. I do cardio workouts a few times a week to strengthen my heart, but other than that, I have to be super careful not to overdo it and send myself back into heart failure. My heart meds do help, but they aren't magical and if my stress and anxiety levels keep increasing, I am going to be in serious trouble, medically speaking.
Sorry for such a long post, but I just had to get all of that out of my system. If anyone out there has any advice, words of wisdom, ways to cope, etc., please let me know. I definitely need some type of support, anything would help at this point.
Thanks for listening
He and I have been together just over a year, but I know he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with despite his addiction. Just after we started dating last year, I became very ill. For two months I was sick as a dog - my stomach started to swell, I couldn't sleep, was coughing and wheezing all hours of the day, could barely walk across my house without falling over, etc. I saw 5 different doctors over 20 times total in a two month period and none of them could figure out what was wrong with me. Instead of running for the hills like most men would do, this amazing guy who I had just started dating stayed by my side throughout all of it. He picked me up off of the floor when I would fall over, stayed in the bathroom while I showered in case I would pass out, stayed by my side through all the sleepless nights, and I am truly grateful that he supported me through all of it.
Anyway, after two months of unbearable pain and illness, one of my doctors finally figured out what was wrong with me - Heart Failure. I was only 27 when the heart failure occurred (28 now) which is not very common (it was a viral cardiomyopathy-nothing I could have done to prevent it), and it was the most frightening time of my life. I was in ICU for several days and was put on a heart transplant list for 7 months. Every day for almost a year I have been terrified that my heart will fail again, and the only reason I can get through the day is because of the love and support my boyfriend has given me. I really don't know if I would be here today if he wasn't in my life.
Well, here comes the really bad part. After six months of being with him, after everything we have been through together, I find out that he is addicted to oxycontin/roxidodone, and not only is he using too much, but he is also banging the pills (shooting up).
He was in a very bad accident about 7 years ago - shredded his entire left leg - and that is when he started taking narcotics (which were prescribed by his doctor). He also has a slipped disc in his lower back which does cause him major pain on a daily basis, and he goes to a valid pain management clinic for his medical issues. I've been there with him and I am positive this is not a doctor who just gives out prescriptions for narcotics to just anyone, and he gets drug tested every time he goes to see his doctor to make sure he isn't using any other substances.
The problem is that his body is so used to the pills that they aren't even helping with the pain anymore, and I know he is mentally dependent on the pills as well. I kept his meds in a safe for a while and only gave him the proper amount of pills each day, but after a few months of doing that, he started finding the key to the safe and taking pills without me knowing. I finally caught on, moved the key more times than I can remember, but he always finds it.
He has lied to me about banging the pills so many times, but I never actually caught him doing it until recently. Over the past 3 weeks, I have actually seen the syringe, seen the needle, seen the burnt spoon with my own two eyes, and I am scared to death that if he doesn't stop, I will find him dead on the floor of our bathroom one day. I'm terrified of losing him to this addiction, this illness. Every hour of every day I am terrified that he will accidentally kill himself or that our relationship will be so lost in this addiction that we will never get it back.
His life is the most important thing in mine, he is the best part of me, and I know that he is a good, caring person. He loves me without condition, allows me to be myself, and for the first time in my life I am truly happy. He has so much talent and potential, and this abuse is taking all of it away from him, and I just don't know how to make him realize that he is strong enough to beat this, strong enough to get better. He went to rehab once, and while he was getting treatment, the mother of his child left him, so he's terrified that if he goes back to rehab, he'll lose me too. I just don't know where else to turn.
And I also have to take care of myself throughout all of this. My heart is getting better, but I'm supposed to stay out of stressful environments and avoid mental/physical stress altogether. I do cardio workouts a few times a week to strengthen my heart, but other than that, I have to be super careful not to overdo it and send myself back into heart failure. My heart meds do help, but they aren't magical and if my stress and anxiety levels keep increasing, I am going to be in serious trouble, medically speaking.
Sorry for such a long post, but I just had to get all of that out of my system. If anyone out there has any advice, words of wisdom, ways to cope, etc., please let me know. I definitely need some type of support, anything would help at this point.
Thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
I'm sorry you are going through this in your life now. You'll find lots of people here with similar stories. Learn from their collective experience so that you don't have to learn the hard way. Easier said than done, I know, but the truth of the matter is your boyfriend is an addict and it only gets worse--that is until he decides he wants it all to stop (his addictions) and he goes into treatment for himself. He says he's afraid of losing you like his first wife, but that is an excuse not to go. Any addict that goes into treatment must go in for him/herself and nobody else.
You are with someone now who will certainly exasperate your health issues. Since you are here discussing your situation with people on this forum, I believe your heart is telling you what you need to do. I hope for your sake you listen to your heart.
You are with someone now who will certainly exasperate your health issues. Since you are here discussing your situation with people on this forum, I believe your heart is telling you what you need to do. I hope for your sake you listen to your heart.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by outtolunch 
Love yourself more. Your life may depend on it.
Please get your hands on a copy of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
Check into Naranon or Alanon (which is more widely available) meetings in your area so you can have face-to-face support among those who understand.
I'm glad you found us here at SR, and I hope you continue to post!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((artist83))
Welcome to our SR family!
hate that you have been affected by the disease of addiction - You sound like you are very dedicated to taking care of yourself PHYSICALLY - taking your heart meds, diet, exercise, etc. ~ my suggestion would be to apply the same diligence to taking care of yourself emotionally!
To interact with addict ~ we must have the correct tools - just as you much have the correct meds to fight your heart disease ~ those tools can be prayer/meditation, journaling, attending recovery meetings (al-anon or nar-anon), reading recovery literature (Co-dependent no more, getting them sober, How Al-Anon works for families & friends of alcoholics, and many other great books), posting here on SR and lots of support from other people who understand what you are going thru!
You are already a miracle to survive what you have been thru - so I'm sure you know YOU deserve to be treated with love, dignity and respect - not only by your boyfriend - but also by yourself!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Welcome to our SR family!
hate that you have been affected by the disease of addiction - You sound like you are very dedicated to taking care of yourself PHYSICALLY - taking your heart meds, diet, exercise, etc. ~ my suggestion would be to apply the same diligence to taking care of yourself emotionally!
To interact with addict ~ we must have the correct tools - just as you much have the correct meds to fight your heart disease ~ those tools can be prayer/meditation, journaling, attending recovery meetings (al-anon or nar-anon), reading recovery literature (Co-dependent no more, getting them sober, How Al-Anon works for families & friends of alcoholics, and many other great books), posting here on SR and lots of support from other people who understand what you are going thru!
You are already a miracle to survive what you have been thru - so I'm sure you know YOU deserve to be treated with love, dignity and respect - not only by your boyfriend - but also by yourself!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
hey Artist,
I agree with the responses you've received, absolutely.
You've said his doctor has done testing on him to make sure he's not abusing the meds but you know he is. When is his next drug test? or is he avoiding the doctor now? I'm sure the tracks have to be showing somewhere beneath the sleeves (or whever he's banging).
The behavior of asking you to "police" the situation and then finding a way around it is common for those with the disease of addiction. Whether he asked you, or if you just decided to lock up his meds, this is not a healthy place for you to be. My AH asked me to police him and I did for a while before his therapist told me how unhealthy this was, and before I joined Al-Anon/Nar-Anon (originally at her suggestion). So I completely understand your motivation for doing it = wanting to help him and return the way he helped you - but it only makes things worse - you become an authority/parent figure and he doesn't take full responsibility for treating his disease himself, or the dignity of choosing recovery himself.
Keep coming, keep learning, and take care of YOU!
I agree with the responses you've received, absolutely.
You've said his doctor has done testing on him to make sure he's not abusing the meds but you know he is. When is his next drug test? or is he avoiding the doctor now? I'm sure the tracks have to be showing somewhere beneath the sleeves (or whever he's banging).
The behavior of asking you to "police" the situation and then finding a way around it is common for those with the disease of addiction. Whether he asked you, or if you just decided to lock up his meds, this is not a healthy place for you to be. My AH asked me to police him and I did for a while before his therapist told me how unhealthy this was, and before I joined Al-Anon/Nar-Anon (originally at her suggestion). So I completely understand your motivation for doing it = wanting to help him and return the way he helped you - but it only makes things worse - you become an authority/parent figure and he doesn't take full responsibility for treating his disease himself, or the dignity of choosing recovery himself.
Keep coming, keep learning, and take care of YOU!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 136
Thank you all for all of your kind words. Discussing this with people who have been in the same situation and just getting it all off of my chest has helped more than you know.
I saw some more improvement in him today - hopefully my willingness to go to therapy and reach out to others is having some positive impact on him. We sat down and talked today, and he is opening up more and more with each conversation that we have about his addiction. At least we're moving in a more positive direction, and I am confident that he has not banged the meds for the past two days. I am crossing my fingers that we continue to be open and honest with each other and work through this together.
Again, thank you so very much.
Have a great weekend
I saw some more improvement in him today - hopefully my willingness to go to therapy and reach out to others is having some positive impact on him. We sat down and talked today, and he is opening up more and more with each conversation that we have about his addiction. At least we're moving in a more positive direction, and I am confident that he has not banged the meds for the past two days. I am crossing my fingers that we continue to be open and honest with each other and work through this together.
Again, thank you so very much.
Have a great weekend
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Before my son went to rehab, his girlfriend (who is also a user) said she was going to go to outpatient rehab as a gesture to show my son that he also needed rehab. My son did wind up in rehab but it was court ordered, so his girlfriend has chosen not to go to outpatient rehab. What I see is my son's girlfriend going to outpatient rehab in order to encourage my son to go, too, most likely would have been ineffective. She must go because SHE wants to go for herself, not for my son, and my son going to rehab must be for his own reasons, too. My son did have a choice not to go to rehab (he could have chosen jail), and now I think he was glad he went to rehab. He was ready for rehab when the judge ordered him there. So, your going to rehab must be for yourself--not in any way to entice your boyfriend to go IMO.
My son seems to have recognized that his recovery depends on his helping others and working all the tools he's learning into his life--kind of like what you are saying about yourself. I asked about his girlfriend who had said she would go into outpatient rehab to encourage our son to consider rehab for himself--was she getting any help for her addiction and his comment back to me was "Mom, I can't tell her what to do." So, the answer to my question apparently is no, she was not getting help. She probably thinks as he once thought--that she can beat it on her own. This disease progresses, he knows that, and she will come to know it, too, I imagine, but it's something she has to discover for herself. He can share his personal story though--tell others what he's been through, what he's learned on his journey. One thing he's learned is being free of addiction is not something that can be white knuckled through. If it only took will power, there would be no need for rehabs.
As much as you want to believe that his desire to stop using drugs is real (and he may truly want to quit), he can't by himself. Addiction is a very difficult thing to break free from. My son tried to quit using by himself before going into rehab. He went over a year once without popping his vicodin, but he picked it back up again. Over time he progressed to heroin. Don't delude yourself into thinking your boyfriend can beat this with mere desire. He needs professional help. With professional help your boyfriend will learn tools to aid him in his recovery. My son prior to rehab had no plan to follow. What to do to protect himself. Former addicts committed to sobriety and helping others attain sobriety share their wisdom with each other. I don't know much about what my son has learned from his rehab experience (he's coming home today), but he has mentioned a few revelations to me over the phone about his addiction and future plans to pursue recovery.
My son seems to have recognized that his recovery depends on his helping others and working all the tools he's learning into his life--kind of like what you are saying about yourself. I asked about his girlfriend who had said she would go into outpatient rehab to encourage our son to consider rehab for himself--was she getting any help for her addiction and his comment back to me was "Mom, I can't tell her what to do." So, the answer to my question apparently is no, she was not getting help. She probably thinks as he once thought--that she can beat it on her own. This disease progresses, he knows that, and she will come to know it, too, I imagine, but it's something she has to discover for herself. He can share his personal story though--tell others what he's been through, what he's learned on his journey. One thing he's learned is being free of addiction is not something that can be white knuckled through. If it only took will power, there would be no need for rehabs.
As much as you want to believe that his desire to stop using drugs is real (and he may truly want to quit), he can't by himself. Addiction is a very difficult thing to break free from. My son tried to quit using by himself before going into rehab. He went over a year once without popping his vicodin, but he picked it back up again. Over time he progressed to heroin. Don't delude yourself into thinking your boyfriend can beat this with mere desire. He needs professional help. With professional help your boyfriend will learn tools to aid him in his recovery. My son prior to rehab had no plan to follow. What to do to protect himself. Former addicts committed to sobriety and helping others attain sobriety share their wisdom with each other. I don't know much about what my son has learned from his rehab experience (he's coming home today), but he has mentioned a few revelations to me over the phone about his addiction and future plans to pursue recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome .. i am glad u r here. i am so sorry about your boyfriend. i bet he is one of the best guys ever if he was not an addict. the sad truth is he is. i know it is hard on you & it will b hard for you to tell him he has got to go. you do not need the stress. it is a very hard road with a well person. being sick as you are you will kill yourself dealing with him. let him go & just let God. gentle hugs & lots of peayers,
Yankee
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 183
Artist,
I too am sorry that you are in this situation, with your boyfriend and your current heart condition. There has been some really good thoughts and expierence shared in the above posts. I have read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie as Freedom posted above, it is a great book. Please keep coming back here and sharing and posting. It will help. Take care of you!
I too am sorry that you are in this situation, with your boyfriend and your current heart condition. There has been some really good thoughts and expierence shared in the above posts. I have read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie as Freedom posted above, it is a great book. Please keep coming back here and sharing and posting. It will help. Take care of you!
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