Caught ABF Using Again :( :( :(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 362
Caught ABF Using Again :( :( :(
Well, I have been getting a weird feeling about my ABF lately, as I have posted before. This morning I woke up with that feeling you get when you KNOW your A is or has been doing drugs but you can't prove it and you haven't exactly seen evidence of it yet.
Later when we were packing up to leave the campground where we were staying for the past two nights I noticed a Home Depot gift card chilling randomly on the table. Having been with my ex-ABF for several years, I am unfortunately able to recognize this from a mile away as a sign that someone is about to be or has been snorting something.
When I came back through the kitchen, the card was moved. I went out to the car, and ABF said he'd be right out. Our friend was in the car with a severely bruised leg, so I went back out to get him ice. I noticed the card was moved yet again. I asked ABF, "Did whoever's card it was get their Home Depot card from the counter?" to which he immediately answered, "Yeah," and when our eyes met he looked kind of scared. As I was getting the ice, I happened to move something on the counter near him and found a rolled up dollar bill and the card.
We had a really rocky ride home, and now I am left to contemplate all of this. I told him, and I mean it, that there is no room for this in my life. I don't care if it was "only" his friend's medication which is similar to Adderall. He told me that he is willing to give it up to keep me because I told him blatantly that it's the drugs or me. I have enough experience to know that his word that he will stop completely means nothing. Argh
This is my first experience with him with this, and I am definitely not willing to deal with this on a permanent basis. If he wants to stop, I am going to need evidence of progress. I am not sure where to go from here...Hopefully to a NarAnon meeting tomorrow, but other than that I'm clueless.
Later when we were packing up to leave the campground where we were staying for the past two nights I noticed a Home Depot gift card chilling randomly on the table. Having been with my ex-ABF for several years, I am unfortunately able to recognize this from a mile away as a sign that someone is about to be or has been snorting something.
When I came back through the kitchen, the card was moved. I went out to the car, and ABF said he'd be right out. Our friend was in the car with a severely bruised leg, so I went back out to get him ice. I noticed the card was moved yet again. I asked ABF, "Did whoever's card it was get their Home Depot card from the counter?" to which he immediately answered, "Yeah," and when our eyes met he looked kind of scared. As I was getting the ice, I happened to move something on the counter near him and found a rolled up dollar bill and the card.
We had a really rocky ride home, and now I am left to contemplate all of this. I told him, and I mean it, that there is no room for this in my life. I don't care if it was "only" his friend's medication which is similar to Adderall. He told me that he is willing to give it up to keep me because I told him blatantly that it's the drugs or me. I have enough experience to know that his word that he will stop completely means nothing. Argh
This is my first experience with him with this, and I am definitely not willing to deal with this on a permanent basis. If he wants to stop, I am going to need evidence of progress. I am not sure where to go from here...Hopefully to a NarAnon meeting tomorrow, but other than that I'm clueless.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,865
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It sucks, I know. But, it is what it is. You have your boundary (I hope) and you'll have to stick to it. Again, it sucks, I know. Keep yourself and your own well-being first and foremost. Yes, get to nar-anon or even al-anon if you can't find nar-anon meetings. He'll either do what he promises or he won't. You don't have to have it in your life though. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
glad u r here. your a.b.f. has to do it for himself & not for you.he has to be ready. i am sorry u are going thru this. i agree, set your boundries & stick to them or else they are no good at all.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I think all that you can do is decide how much you are willing to put up with and set your boundaries around that.
Getting to a meetings should help alot. Meetings are where I learned to put the focus on me and not my addict. When someone is stopping a substance in order to be with someone it's a slippery slope. We take it personally that they are choosing either us or their drug. That's not the case...they want both. But in the end game it's usually the subtance that wins out. It is a powerful mistress.
Trying to stick it out with someone while they "try" and get sober is a tough road. I wish that I had said.....get sober, work a program, and then call me in a year. I would have saved myself a whole heap of misery. But, I was so "in love" that I was willing to go through it all. My loved one did get sober but that turned out to be the least of our problems.
It's time to ask yourself if this is really a relationship that you want to stay in.....one where there is a lack of trust, lies, and substance abuse.
I know this is hard and that there are no easy answers. Keep posting and know that we are here.
Getting to a meetings should help alot. Meetings are where I learned to put the focus on me and not my addict. When someone is stopping a substance in order to be with someone it's a slippery slope. We take it personally that they are choosing either us or their drug. That's not the case...they want both. But in the end game it's usually the subtance that wins out. It is a powerful mistress.
Trying to stick it out with someone while they "try" and get sober is a tough road. I wish that I had said.....get sober, work a program, and then call me in a year. I would have saved myself a whole heap of misery. But, I was so "in love" that I was willing to go through it all. My loved one did get sober but that turned out to be the least of our problems.
It's time to ask yourself if this is really a relationship that you want to stay in.....one where there is a lack of trust, lies, and substance abuse.
I know this is hard and that there are no easy answers. Keep posting and know that we are here.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Didn't he just return from rehab? Doesn't sound like he is in recovery, he has just switched his DOC.
Only you know whether you want to hang around and see what happens.
I think that you need to continue to work on your recovery, keep going to meetings it will help.
Only you know whether you want to hang around and see what happens.
I think that you need to continue to work on your recovery, keep going to meetings it will help.
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