What will be next?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Welcome to SR, crushed! I am sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but am glad you found us! 
What can you do now? There is much you can do, dear. I highly recommend finding local Naranon or Alanon meetings (Alanon is more widely available) and attend at least 6 meetings. There you will find face-to-face support among those who understand.
Get your hands on a copy of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. She has a series of books, and that is an excellent starter book.
Look over and read the "sticky" topics at the top of this forum. Educate yourself on addiction.
I was married to an addict/alcoholic and had to leave him for my own sanity and safety.
I also have a 33-year-old daughter in active addiction. She pops Xanax like candy, but thinks that's okay because they are prescribed.
I have had to distance myself from her physically and emotionally. Our contact is very limited. I will no longer take a front row seat to her addictions.
I hope you continue to post, and know that you are among friends, okay?
What can you do now? There is much you can do, dear. I highly recommend finding local Naranon or Alanon meetings (Alanon is more widely available) and attend at least 6 meetings. There you will find face-to-face support among those who understand.
Get your hands on a copy of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. She has a series of books, and that is an excellent starter book.
Look over and read the "sticky" topics at the top of this forum. Educate yourself on addiction.
I was married to an addict/alcoholic and had to leave him for my own sanity and safety.
I also have a 33-year-old daughter in active addiction. She pops Xanax like candy, but thinks that's okay because they are prescribed.
I have had to distance myself from her physically and emotionally. Our contact is very limited. I will no longer take a front row seat to her addictions.
I hope you continue to post, and know that you are among friends, okay?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Freedom is right. You can only help yourself.
Do you have someone who can be with you when he figures out or confronts you about flushing the pills? I'm concerned for your safety.
I'm sorry you have to be here, but glad you found SR!
Do you have someone who can be with you when he figures out or confronts you about flushing the pills? I'm concerned for your safety.
I'm sorry you have to be here, but glad you found SR!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
I'm glad that you are here but sorry for the circumstances that led you here. Everyone above is so right....just focus on you. I know that is hard and doesn't make a lot of sense but it's the only way to deal with things.
The more you understand that what you are dealing with is someone in active addiction the better that you will know what to do. Getting to an Alanon/Naranon meeting will definitely help. The focus at those meetings is on "us" and not the loved one. At first, I thought those meetings were about how to help those with addiction and actually, the focus is on how to help yourself. Which is LOVELY!
There are some practical things to look at....what is your financial situation and what are your options? Just because you have boundaries does not mean that you don't love him. As someone told me, it is your right to decide how close to stand to a fire. I'm learning that you can love someone from afar. It's one thing if someone is doing everything in their power to help themselves but another if they are remaining in active addiction.
Your situation sounds very difficult and trying. I'm glad that you have found our forum. Your problems are ones that have been dealt with here again and again. There are lots of new people but there are also lots of people with experience, strength, and hope that have found their way through their problems. Only you know what is best for you but we are here with support.
Please keep coming back. Read as much as you can....and know that there are solutions for your problems. They may not be exactly the ones that you want but in time you will figure out what is best for you.
Gentle hugs...
The more you understand that what you are dealing with is someone in active addiction the better that you will know what to do. Getting to an Alanon/Naranon meeting will definitely help. The focus at those meetings is on "us" and not the loved one. At first, I thought those meetings were about how to help those with addiction and actually, the focus is on how to help yourself. Which is LOVELY!
There are some practical things to look at....what is your financial situation and what are your options? Just because you have boundaries does not mean that you don't love him. As someone told me, it is your right to decide how close to stand to a fire. I'm learning that you can love someone from afar. It's one thing if someone is doing everything in their power to help themselves but another if they are remaining in active addiction.
Your situation sounds very difficult and trying. I'm glad that you have found our forum. Your problems are ones that have been dealt with here again and again. There are lots of new people but there are also lots of people with experience, strength, and hope that have found their way through their problems. Only you know what is best for you but we are here with support.
Please keep coming back. Read as much as you can....and know that there are solutions for your problems. They may not be exactly the ones that you want but in time you will figure out what is best for you.
Gentle hugs...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR......I hope you find comfort here. I do.
When I finally really really reached a bottom with the addict in my life, I got myself into Naranon (or Alanon). I didn't get it for a very long time but kept going. When I really started working that program like my life depended on it, things improved dramatically. Until I got to that point of total desperation, I could not accept that I cannot change someone else but I can change myself. I had hit my bottom. I was a mess.
In these programs I am learning how to find joy and serenity whether the addict in my life is using or not.
I'm glad you are here at SR. There is a lot of collective wisdom here. Every single person here understands your fear and pain. You are not alone.
Keep coming back.
gentle hugs
ke
When I finally really really reached a bottom with the addict in my life, I got myself into Naranon (or Alanon). I didn't get it for a very long time but kept going. When I really started working that program like my life depended on it, things improved dramatically. Until I got to that point of total desperation, I could not accept that I cannot change someone else but I can change myself. I had hit my bottom. I was a mess.
In these programs I am learning how to find joy and serenity whether the addict in my life is using or not.
I'm glad you are here at SR. There is a lot of collective wisdom here. Every single person here understands your fear and pain. You are not alone.
Keep coming back.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 5
I agree w/ all comments above; but really concerned about your safety... please for your own sake; have others around ... b/c with addiction of the active user (from my personal experience) - they will get become insane when their stash is missing. We all know what you are going through, but "you" need to take care of yourself first and fore most... Will be praying for you all day... xo stay strong, you're worth saving~
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: hot as heck, az
Posts: 142
I hear so much about this oxy abuse every day, including my own partner. i think its sad that nowadays the lazy, ignorant or even crooked doctor is replacing the shady drug dealer on the corner.
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