Freedom1990

September 22 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When I concentrate on little things that annoy me, and they sprout resentments that grow bigger and bigger, I seem to forget how I could be “stretching” my world and broadening my perspective. That’s the way to shrink troubles down to their real size.

Worrying about trifles saps my spiritual energy which I could certainly put to better use. Am I willing to waste my life in this way?

When something or somebody is giving me trouble, let me see the incident in relation to the rest of my life, especially the part that is good, and for which I should be grateful. A wider view of my circumstances will make me better able to deal with all difficulties, big and little.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I refuse to let my serenity be drowned out by happenings that are in themselves unimportant. I will not be made uneasy by what others do, whether they intend to hurt me or not. I will not clutter up my thoughts with resentment; it would not profit me but, worse it would hurt me.

“Why do we accept things that trouble us, when we could do something about them?”

Freedom1990

September 23 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

One of our delusions is that we, as spouses of alcoholics, are “running the show.” This form of self-deception can only increase our frustrations. It makes the home a battleground in which the alcoholic has the best chance of winning every encounter. We are often outwitted by the alcoholic’s lightning changes of mood, his promises, challenges and other maneuvers. This is the best reason for detaching our minds and our emotions from the minute-by-minute conflict and seeking a peaceful, orderly way of life within ourselves. If we stop fighting out every incident that happens, absence of an active adversary is bound to bring about wholesome changes in the home environment and everyone in it.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will not try to outwit or outmaneuver anyone else, but will proceed quietly to live my life so I will have less reason for self-reproach. I will withdraw my mind from what others do, and think of what I am doing. I will not react to challenging words and actions.

“When you are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.

Freedom1990

September 24 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

After we have been trying to use the Al-Anon program for a while, one thing becomes clear: we can get unlimited benefits from changing our way of thinking. No realistic, reasonable person would consider this an easy task; indeed, there is nothing more difficult in life!

Suppose, just suppose, we were resolved to follow this one idea, expressed by one of AA’s founders in an informal talk:

“Let’s stop throwing blame around.” This one idea could be explored, meditated on, acted upon, from now until the end of our days. What would happen if we stopped blaming anyone for anything? We would experience miracles of tolerance and grace – rich spiritual rewards, reflected in a life of real fulfillment.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will try not to blame the alcoholic. How can I know what he is going through in his struggle with the bottle, the ever-present escape? What can I know of his strivings to improve after he is sober? I will not blame him. I will not blame anybody. I will not blame myself.

“Who is to blame? Whom have I the right to blame? Let me concentrate on keeping my own conduct from being at fault; more I cannot do.”

Freedom1990

September 25 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Even when I find myself growing in understanding of Al-Anon, and can see tangible results from my new attitudes, I might question such a statement as this:

“Al-Anon is a way to personal freedom.”

Enmeshed in a difficult family situation, we doubt we can ever be free from all this woe and care. When we think how closely our lives are intertwined with others, we’re sure that personal freedom is impossible.

The key word is personal. We can free ourselves from many involvements that seem necessary. In Al-Anon we can learn to develop our own personalities, to reinforce our personal freedom by leaving others free to control their actions and destinies.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Personal freedom is mine for the taking. No matter how close are the ties of love and concern that bind me to my family and friends, I must always remember that I am an individual, free to be myself and live my own life in serenity and joy.

“When I know I am free within myself, I will be better able to give loving thought to others.”

MeredithD1

September 26 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Today let’s review some of the sayings of an Al-Anon founder:

“Smugness is the very worst sin of all, I believe. It is difficult for a shaft of light to pierce the armor of self-righteousness.”

“Many of the things I thought I did unselfishly turned out to be pure rationalizations to get my own way about something. This disclosure doubled my urge to live by the Twelve Steps as thoroughly as I could.”

“In the early days I was deeply hurt that someone else had brought my husband to sobriety, when I could not. Now I have learned that a wife can rarely, if ever, do this job. I found no peace of mind until I recognized this fact.”

“The word ‘humbly’ was one I never understood. It used to seem servile. Today it means seeing myself in true relation to my fellow man and to God.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

“It is easy to fool oneself about motives, and admitting it is hard, but very beneficial.”

“Bargaining with God and asking Him to grant my wishes is not the highest form of prayer. It is very different from praying only for knowledge of God’s will for me…”

MeredithD1

September 27 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

An early Al-Anon member once said:

“I tried to manage my husband’s life, although not even able to manage my own. I wanted to get inside his brain and turn the screws in what I thought was the right direction. It took me a long time to realize that this was not my job. I just wasn't equipped for it. None of us are. So I began to turn the screws in my own head in the right direction. This has taught me a little more about managing my own life.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

If my life has become unmanageable, how can I get control of it? Am I being forced into doing things I don’t want to do, like losing my temper, contriving, conniving and scheming to make things work out the way I want them? Am I now the kind of person I really want to be? An honest effort to manage my own life will open many doors to me that my distorted thinking had kept closed.

“If thou canst not make thyself such a one as thou wouldst, how canst thou expect to have another according to thy liking?” – Thomas A’Kempis

MeredithD1

September 28 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Someone suggested we add another slogan to those we use in Al-Anon: Listen and Learn. My first reaction was, “No! Not everybody at an Al-Anon meeting says something that is helpful. What about those who advise, ‘Throw the bum out!’ Doesn’t that negate everything we’re supposed to hear in Al-Anon?” But wait! What I learn from the negative comments can be useful in opening my mind to my own wrong thinking. When someone gives advice, I can say to myself, “But we’re not supposed to advise in Al-Anon.” If someone expresses hostility and resentment for what the alcoholic does, it can teach me to avoid those very things in myself.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Listen and Learn is sound doctrine, if we use it well. We don’t make significant progress in our thinking if we’re only listening to ourselves talk.

“It is the disease of not listening…that I am troubled with.” – William Shakespeare

“I pray that I may learn from listening – whether or not I agree with what I hear.”

MeredithD1

September 29 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

One reason we go to Al-Anon is to learn about alcoholism, We learn that it is an illness which could end in physical, mental and spiritual bankruptcy. We also learn that there is no known cure, but that sobriety is possible through the healing help of AA – when the alcoholic is ready. We learn that our own reactions to the alcoho...lic situation have not been reasonable; appraisal of ourselves will open the way to improvement and start us on the upward climb to sanity and serenity. Reading Al-Anon literature and exchanging experiences and ideas with our Al-Anon friends will give us strong support in this effort.

TODAY’S REMINDER

To live the al-Anon way can lead to such contentment as we have never before experienced. To those of us who earnestly use the program, it offers the richest of benefits. It is a learning process that works best for those who approach it with willingness and humility.

“I ask God to make me willing to learn how to live more fully, through the light which I can find in Al-Anon.”

MeredithD1

September 30 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Once there was a man whose beloved wife was transformed from the charming girl he had married into a sodden drunkard. She suffered from a disease called alcoholism, although neither of them knew it.

He was always angry and frustrated because he couldn’t make her stop drinking. The more he tried, the worse she felt about it, and the more she drank. She was full of guilt and self-reproach because she left everything to him. He had to get the children ready for school, do the shopping, cook meals and clean house.

Then one day somebody told him about Al-Anon. Although he knew his case was hopeless, he thought he’d try it anyway. As he read, and asked questions and listened at meetings, he found he could get some perspective on his problems, When he learned his wife had a disease, compulsive drinking, he stopped blaming himself for not being able to control her. He realized the children resented him because he was often cross and unreasonable, and that they loved mama because she never scolded and they knew instinctively she was sick. He began to consider his own needs, for rest, quiet and a bit of recreation, and arranged to have a housekeeper take over the home chores. He made many changes, but, especially in his attitude toward the alcoholic.

After a spell of rebellion and resistance, she saw that she would have to get help..

One day, she asked him to take her to an AA meeting.

MeredithD1

October 1 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

In Al-Anon, we often speak of the importance of prayer. This idea calls for some reflection. If I could get what I pray for, would it really make me happy? Do I always know what is best for me? Do I bargain with the God I pray to, (“I want my spouse, but only if he or she will stop drinking,”) or give Him instructions, (“Please don’t let Bill keep on drinking.”)

TODAY’S REMINDER

One thing must ultimately be accepted: Few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us. That knowledge remains, in spite of all our determined resistance, in the hands of God.

This is the reason for limiting our prayers to requests for guidance, an open mind to receive it, and the fortitude to act upon it.

I will quietly defer any decisions until my contact with God has made me certain they are right for me. And I will pray to be kept from taking any action, even a little one, that is intended to punish another.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and cometh down from the Father of lights with Whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” (General Epistle of James)

MeredithD1

October 2 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

This is the story of a newcomer to Al-Anon who was not a newcomer…certainly not a novice, for she had the courage to break out of a situation that was hampering her work in the program.

Seeing a new face at the meeting, the chairman asked her to tell about herself. Instead of launching into a recital of her domestic problems (which turned out to be quite severe) – she told what had made her leave the group where she’d started some months before.

“Quite frankly,” she said, “I’m shopping around for a group I can feel comfortable in. I grabbed Al-Anon like a life preserver, which it certainly is for me. I joined a group, never missed meetings, and read Al-Anon literature every day. That’s how I got the idea that everybody in a group, and everyone in the fellowship, too, is equal. The group I belonged to was run, and I DO mean run, by a managing old timer who ruled everything with an iron hand. She’d been secretary for eight years, chaired the meetings, and decided on the programs. She knew what was good for us, all right! We didn’t even have to think for ourselves. And I couldn’t see that anybody was making much progress – the membership was what you might call a shifting population. Most of them just gave up on Al-Anon, and all because of this one person. I didn’t give up, so here I am, hoping for a group where I can really see the al-Anon fellowship in action.”

MeredithD1

October 3 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Cheery platitudes are not much help to newcomers in really desperate straits. Nor is the hearty attitude: “Come on, snap out of it – Al-Anon will work wonders for you!”

A wife and mother who has seen everything go down the drain, who has lived through losing her home, going on public relief, with the husband in an institution or a prison, may feel even farther removed from hope in a bright, optimistic circle of Al-Anon people who are on the way up.

Such newcomers should select sponsors who can understand their problems and help them, with patience and tact, to meet the challenge.

TODAY’S REMINDER

It is a spiritual experience to lead a desperate newcomer into a new point of view. We learn the subtle difference between pity and sympathetic understanding. We do not flaunt our own success in Al-Anon; we let it speak for itself.

A good sponsor keeps in touch, gently conveys the idea that it’s always darkest just before dawn, and gives a lift to the bruised ego.

“I pray for the opportunity to help the hopeless; it will show me the way to share myself with someone in great need.”

MeredithD1

October 4 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Heard at an Al-Anon meeting:
“I have only one person’s guilt to carry; my own. If the alcoholic blames me for his difficulties, I will not accept that blame, but I will not defend myself, either, for that would only start a fruitless battle. I know he blames me because of his painful need to unload some of his remorse on somebody else. This should generate only compassion in me – not resentment or anger.”

Another member responds: “I wish I could believe that! When my husband gets through telling me off, I feel as though the devil were sitting on my back with a fifty pound lead weight in each pocket!”

TODAY’S REMINDER

There is no need for me to accept blame for another person’s irrational actions. I will deal with my own shortcomings. If I do this honestly – following the Fourth to Tenth Steps – the change in me will be reflected in every person whose life touches mine.

“Let me weigh my misdeeds on an honest scale and make restitution as well as I can. But let not the scale be unbalanced by the weight of what others have done.”

MeredithD1

October 5 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When I say the Serenity Prayer, over and over again, I could fall into the habit of merely parroting the words without being aware of their meaning. This would blunt one of my most useful Al-Anon tools. If I think of the meaning of each phrase as I say it, my understanding will grow and along with it my capability to realize the difference between what I can change and what I cannot.

The prayer states first that there are elements in my life which I have no power to change; my serenity depends upon my accepting them. The more I fight them, the more they will torment me. “Courage to change the things I can” gives me unlimited freedom eo work on those elements which are my concern.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The Serenity Prayer suggests I ask God for “courage to change the things I can.” The word is “things,” not “people.” True, there is much room for improvement in my life, but it can come only from changing my own attitudes and actions for the better.

“In every problem, great and small, the Serenity Prayer will work for me if I keep aware of its meaning every time I say it.”

MeredithD1

October 6 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Sometimes it happens that a member at a meeting “talks good Al-Anon” but those who know her well are aware that it is only skin-deep. She professes compassion for the alcoholic, but all the softness goes out the window when she is crossed or disappointed or annoyed. The real, untamed faults come through, and she hardly ever realizes it herself.

When we make only superficial changes in ourselves, and give only ardent lip service to the program, our progress is slow and our relapses many. The regeneration must be a true spiritual rebirth. It must go very deep, with each character flaw replaced by a new and good quality.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I must be completely honest with myself in uncovering the faults, which hamper my spiritual growth. One by one, watchfully and painstakingly, I will replace them with constructive attitudes.

“Men imagine they communicate their virtue…only by overt actions and words. They do not see that virtue or its opposite emits a breath at every moment.” (Emerson: essay on self-reliance, paraphrased)