MeredithD1

August 19 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

My attitude toward another – whether drinking or not – can have untold influence on the life of my family. Perhaps, through long drinking years, I acquired the habit of tearing him down, showing my contempt for his actions, indignation at the neglect of obligations. I am responsible for the consequences of such attitudes. Even a little understanding and compassion will show us that our behavior is ego destroying, and the ego of the drinker is already painfully battered by guilt and fear.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I never want to forget that my spouse, with whatever faults he or she may have, is a child of God, and is therefore entitled to my respect and consideration. I will guard against assuming the role of judge and punisher, for I cannot destroy another person without inflicting great damage on myself.

“It is easy, terribly easy, to shake a man’s faith in himself. To take advantage of that to break a man’s spirit, is devil’s work.” – GB Shaw: CANDIDA

MeredithD1

August 20 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

A member whose husband had recently joined AA was recounting her current experiences: “He doesn’t go to enough meetings to keep him sober. I noticed that the level of Scotch was a little below the mark I had made on the bottle. He doesn’t want me to go to AA meetings with him, but I go anyway; I have to see how this AA works.”

Another member answers, “You’re treating him like a baby in a playpen, watching him perform, deciding what he ought to be doing. Who put you in charge of your husband? Why do you think you know what’s right for him? Accept the fact that he’s trying, and let him find his sobriety in his own way.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

“It’s sometimes a shock to have our thinking errors pointed out to us, but I must always remember that in Al-Anon, the motive is loving and helpful.

If I’m on the wrong track, I want to know it so I can correct my faulty attitude. Others can often see our problems more clearly than we can, and form that, we get our best help.

“Teach me to think straight, and not to take offense at criticism which is meant as loving guidance.”

tjp613

Thank you for posting these, Meredith!!

MeredithD1

August 21 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

If I believe that it is hopeless to expect any improvement in my life, I am doubting the power of God. If I believe I have reason for despair, I am confessing personal failure, for I DO have the power to change myself, and nothing can prevent it but my own unwillingness.

Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do. This is a thinking error I can get rid of in Al-Anon. I can learn to avail myself of the immense, inexhaustible power of God, if I am willing to be continually conscious of God’s nearness.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I am not at the mercy of a cruel or capricious fate, for I have the power to determine what my life will be. I am not alone. I have the confidence and faith of all Al-Anon to support my efforts, as it is expressed by the loving concern and help of the friends in my group. I am not alone because god is with me whenever I make myself aware of Him.

“To be without hope is to deny the wonderful possibilities of the future.”

MeredithD1

August 22 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

If a sharp thorn or a splinter pierces my hand, what do I do? I remove it as quickly as I can. Surely I wouldn’t leave it there, hurting me, until it festered and sent its infection throughout my body.

Yet what do I do with the thorns of resentment and hatred when they pierce my thoughts? Do I leave them there and watch them grow, while I suffer increasingly from the pain?

True, resentment and hatred are more difficult to pull out of our thoughts than the physical thorn from a finger, but so much depends upon it that I will do my best to eliminate them, before their poison can spread.

TODAY’S REMINDER

If I really do not want to be hurt, and if I am sure that self-pity isn’t giving me a certain secret satisfaction, I will take all the steps necessary to free my mind from painful thoughts and emotions. The best way to do this is not by grimly exerting will power, but by replacing those hurting ideas with thoughts of love and gratitude.

“Thou has not half the power to do me harm, as I have to be hurt.” – William Shakespeare: OTHELLO

MeredithD1

August 23 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We learn so much in Al-Anon, and in such interesting and unexpected ways. In the midst of a somewhat bantering interchange at a meeting, everyone suddenly laughed at something that was said. “Wait a minute,” one member interrupted. “Everyone around this table is smiling – we’ve all put aside our grief and our grievances. Do we behave in this cheerful way at home, or do we automatically put on our ‘martyr face’? I know I do, and right now I’m going to begin to change that.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

Do I habitually wear my martyr face to remind my spouse what a hard time he’s giving me? Or do I try to lift his spirits, already so depressed by guilt and confusion? Will I try, really try, from now on, to be pleasant and a bit gay, even when things aren’t going my way Am I afraid to let those around me know I do have some reasons to be happy, or do I want everybody to feel sorry for me?

“…that thou art happy, thou owest to God; that thou continues such, thou owest to thyself.”

MeredithD1

August 24 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Somewhere along the line, in our study of the Al-Anon program, we reach a sharp realization of the growth value of honesty and candor. When this happens, one of the first things we are able to admit is that our behavior, like that of the alcoholic, has been far from sane and reasonable. When we can do this, without shame or embarrassment, we seem to break free of a hampering shell.

This is progress, but let’s not imagine that Al-Anon has done all it can for us. We have reached a plateau; there are still more heights to climb, to reach serenity and a full life.

TODAY’S REMINDER

If ever I come to the complacent conclusion that I don’t need Al-Anon any longer, let me remind myself that it can do far more than to carry me through the anguish of living with the problems of alcoholism.

I know I can make even greater strides in fulfilling myself, for Al-Anon is a philosophy, a way of life; I will never outgrow the need for it.

“Once I have overcome the problems that first brought me into this fellowship, I am confident that my continuing search for spiritual understanding will yield ever richer benefits.”

August 25 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Have I ever accomplished anything good while my emotions were churning with hysteria? Am I aware that reacting on impulse – saying the first thing that pops into my head – defeats my own purposes? I couldn’t lose by stopping to think: Easy Does It. Wouldn’t any crisis shrink to manageable size if I could wait a little while to figure out what is best to do? Unless I’m sure I’m pouring oil on troubled waters, and not on a raging fire, it might be best to do and say nothing until things calm down. Easy Does It.

TODAY’S REMINDER

It may take a bit of self-control to back away from conflict and confusion. But it’s wonderful protection for my peace of mind. Unless I can say or do something to quell the storm, I’ll only be inflicting punishment on myself. And each little battle I win – with myself – makes the next one easier. Take it easy, for Easy Does It. It will all seem much less important tomorrow!

“Quietness is a great ally, my friend. As long as I keep my poise, I will do nothing to make bad matters worse.”

MeredithD1

I"m "typing in ill" today. Was violently ill in the wee hours of the morning. Not sure if it was flu or food poisoning but felt better today, just sore all over and very out-of-it groggy. Will probably do a "double-dayer" for the ODAT tomorrow.

tjp613

Awww I do hope you're better tomorrow! That sounds awful!

MeredithD1

hi! thanks TJP! today is a better day. I VERY rarely get sick like that. it's a big deal because it brings back some bad memories. Don't know if it was substances or what, but when I was 2, my mom got very upset when I was sick, and almost suffocated me to death. I'd been crying and she slapped her hand over my mouth, I couldn't breathe and started to throw up, passed out from it. Even as the tiny tot I was, I knew for sure that she had a lot of guilt over not wanting to be a mother, and guilt over harm she caused to me. So throwing up for me, for the 49 years since then, hardly EVER happens, and is a BIG DEAL when it does happen. Maybe it's happened a dozen times in my whole life, give or take a couple. Last time was 2003 when I had a bad reaction to some migraine medication. So I was sure to be extra gentle on myself yesterday and keep quiet that self-talk I learned early on in life that demeans me. I did well with that yesterday and that makes me feel better today emotionally as well as physically.

MeredithD1

August 26 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Someone at an Al-Anon meeting said, “My wife has been around AA for ten years, and has never made a first anniversary. She almost completes the year, and then something happens that sets her off to drinking again. It may not last more than a few days, but these repeated lapses are so frustrating that I wonder if she’ll ever make it.”

This is a problem Al-Anon is well able to solve. It was pointed out to him that the long periods of sobriety were cause for rejoicing; that he should appreciate the earnest effort this spouse made to stay sober, and not condemn her lapses. And above all, that the problem is not his, but hers, and does not have to affect his life as an individual.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Too often, I take the alcoholic’s struggles unto myself, and feel that I should be able to do something about them. When I find myself slipping into this God-like attitude, I’ll do a little concentrating on the First Step – “admitted we were powerless…”

“Why art thou troubled because things to not succeed with thee according to thy desire? Who is there who hath all things according to his will? Neither I, nor thou, nor any man upon earth.” – Thomas A’Kempis

MeredithD1

August 27 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

An interesting exercise, and one well worth a few moments of reflection, would be to consider the exact meaning of the phrase, “to take offense.”

These words describe an act of willingly taking into ourselves a hurt we feel somebody intended to inflict on us. We take offense. We don’t have to take it. We are free to refuse to be hurt by a spiteful remark or malicious action.

So the whole matter really rests with us. The choice of accepting or rejecting an offense is ours alone.

TODAY’S REMINDER

It may not be easy at first, but if I keep reminding myself that I will not permit myself to be hurt by what anyone says or does, it can bring about an amazing change in my attitude and disposition.

Whenever I feel I am being hurt by someone, I will silently refuse to take offense or take any action to retaliate. What a relief it will be to have such incidents vanish into thin air, leaving not a mark on me! I will not accept offense.

“What can words do to me unless I take them to heart?”

MeredithD1

August 28 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

There is one meaning to the phrase, “…forgetting myself” that admonishes me not to lose my temper. When someone say something rash or ugly, we say that they are “forgetting themselves,” meaning that they are forgetting their BEST selves in a sudden fit of uncontrolled anger.

Someone at an Al-Anon meeting spoke of this in telling how her mother helped her overcome a fiery temper when she was a little girl.

“Whenever I had a tantrum, my mother would say, very quietly, ‘You’re forgetting yourself, dear; mod-u-late your voice and then it won’t hurt so much.’ That always brought me up short and made me ashamed. Once, I answered, ‘All right, mother, I will remember myself,’ and finally, all she had to say was, ‘Forgetting yourself? Modulate…’ and we’d both laugh.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

If I remember the kind of person I want to be, I won’t forget myself and yield to an angry surge of temper. I will remember to modulate my voice – quiet always sets the stage for calm.

“Forget not thyself in times of anger…”

MeredithD1

August 29 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

How many of my frustrations and disappointments come from expecting too much! It is good to set one ‘s standards high, but only if we are prepared to accept, with unperturbed serenity, results that fall short of what we expect.

We expect more of the alcoholic than a sick, confused human can deliver. Once he is sober, we expect a complete transformation. Above all, we make too great demands on ourselves.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Let me learn to settle for less than I WISH were possible, and be willing to accept it and appreciate it. I will not expect too much of anyone, not even of myself. Contentment comes from accepting gratefully the good that comes to us, and not from raging at life because it is not better. This wholesome attitude is by no means RESIGNATION, but a realistic acceptance.

“What you have may seem small; you desire so much more. See children thrusting their hands into a narrow-necked jar, striving to pull out the sweets. If they fill the hand, they cannot pull it out and then they fall to tears. When they let go a few, they can draw out the rest. You, too, let your desire go; covet not too much…”

MeredithD1

August 30 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When a family situation becomes really desperate, and we think we just can’t go on another day living in uncertainty, fear, deprivation and general misery, we may decide to take action. That’s good. But what action? So much depends on taking the right course. Let me consider:

Is my present frame of mind, whether of anger, bitterness or confusion, one in which I can make a wise choice? Have I yielded too readily to friendly advice, well meant, but based on only limited knowledge eof all the factors?

TODAY’S REMINDER

If I have come to the end of my rope, I have lived in this turmoil for a long time. Let me be patient a little longer while I weigh the alternatives. Will a radical change really work out better for me, for my children and, yes, for my spouse?

Before I make a decision, or take a step, I will redouble my efforts to apply the Al-Anon program. It could bring me to an entirely different, more constructive solution than the drastic ones I was considering.

“Make sure that the medicine you decide on in a rash and desperate moment doesn’t turn out to be worse than the malady.”

MeredithD1

August 31 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

“It’s a nice day,” people say when the weather’s fine. One of the things we learn in Al-Anon is that the kind of a day it is does not depend on the weather, but on our attitudes and reactions to what’s happening.

We can make every day a nice day. Al-Anon’s helpful little leaflet, “Just for Today,” says it this way: “Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, keep my voice low, be courteous. I won’t find fault.” This is bound to brighten the day, for me and everybody I meet!

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will make up my mind to be cheerful every waking moment of this day. I will not expect too much; this will shield me from being annoyed at little things that don’t go just the way I wanted them to. I will try to accomplish something specific, perhaps some chore I have long been putting off. I will wear a pleasant smile for everyone I meet today.

“What a comfortable feeling it gives me to realize that all I have to deal with is just this one day. It makes everything so much easier.”

MeredithD1

September 1 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When our problems enclose us and saturate our thoughts, we find ourselves in an isolation that gives us an acute sense of loneliness. We may confide in friends, but underneath we feel nobody understands what we are going through.

Dwelling on our troubles only shuts out a world that is waiting to be enjoyed. Nothing has real power to deprive us of the delights to be found in many daily experiences – even a routine household task, well done. For those of us who are fortunate enough to have young lives in our care, we can forget out troubles in devoting loving attention to them and their development. Observing our children is like reading a fascinating and often amusing book!

TODAY’S REMINDER

I may have big troubles but I can, if I will, make them less painful by turning my thoughts to happier things. I will not isolate myself in my problems. I will observe and enjoy what is good and pleasant in the world around me.

“Let me not deprive myself of the many little joys that are mine for the taking.”

MeredithD1

September 2 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

The time has come for me to realize that my attitude, toward the life I am living and the people in it, can have a tangible, measurable effect on what happens to me day by day. If I am expectant of good, it will surely come to me. Even the grace of courtesy gives rich immediate rewards in warm response. Awareness of others – a tolerant uncritical awareness, will gradually change my personality for the better.

TODAY’S REMINDER

If I try each day to put my point of view and my attitudes on a sound spiritual basis, I know it will change all the circumstances of my life for the better, too. I will see the results in the way other people respond to me and in the way my daily needs are met.

Concern, love and kindness on my part will be reflected in everything that takes place in my life.

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew)

MeredithD1

September 3 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

What’s the Big Idea in Al-Anon? What’s behind these assurances that I do have the power to improve the shape and texture of my life?

It is this: Look to yourself. What am I doing that creates difficulties for me, or aggravates the ones I have? Could it be that I’m trying to fix everything by finding fault with somebody else? In Al-Anon, I am encouraged to examine my impulses, motives, actions and words. This helps me to correct the causes of my own unease and not blame it on others.

TODAY’S REMINDER

At first, the idea that we might be at fault isn’t easy to accept. We find it hard to believe that our behavior isn’t all it should be.

Once I overcome the habit of justifying everything I do, and make use of such tools as courtesy, tenderness and a warm interest in others, miracles will happen This I know because I have seen them happen to others who tried the Al-Anon way.

“If you cannot make yourself what you would like to be, how can you expect to have another person exactly to your wishes? We want to see others perfect, yet our own faults go unattended.”

MeredithD1

September 4 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Some of us, after long enduring misfortunes we didn’t know how to cope with, reached a breaking point. In our hopelessness we even felt rejected by God, so we never thought of turning to Him for help.

A wonderful thing about Al-Anon is that we are encouraged to renew our faith in a power greater than ourselves. We may have thought we were beaten, but we had merely forgotten that God has given us the strength and the means to hold up our heads and live. We learn once more to identify ourselves with the Divine Principle that rules us all.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The sure knowledge that God is always with me, and expresses Himself through me, will guide me in every difficulty. This is the source of confidence and strength that will help me to face life in an entirely new way. His help will make possible a wholesome detachment from the problems that do not belong to me.

“Let me add a spiritual dimension to my life; then I will never be alone in dealing with whatever troubles may appear.”