MeredithD1

August 2 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

The Al-Anon slogans are little pieces of advice. If we were entirely capable of putting them all into practice, we’d be pretty close to perfection as spiritual human beings.

Take this one, for instance: Live and Let Live. A whole philosophy of life is condensed into these four words. First, we are admonished to live: life fully, richly, happily, and to fulfill our destiny with the joy that comes from doing well, whatever we do. Then comes a more difficult admonition: Let Live. This means acknowledging the right of every other human being to live as he wants to, without criticism or judgment from us. It rules out contempt for those who do not think as we do. It warns against resentment; tells us to avoid construing other people’s actions as intentional injuries to us.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The more I think about living, and letting others life, the more I will learn from it. I will try to make it my yardstick in everything I do, and especially in relating to the people in my life.

“When my thoughts are centered on learning to live, I will be less tempted to involve my mind with the thoughts of how others live.”

Ann

You have been peeking in my window, Meredith.

Live and Let Live. *note to self: remember that when you get judgmental about things that are none of your business*

Thanks, I needed to read that tonight.

MeredithD1

LOL I feel that way about the ODAT from today that I'm about to post. I have to tell you, I get so much out of these - they are like guideposts to keep me in line. I don't always stay in line but I know I'm doing better and better every day.

MeredithD1

August 3 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Sometimes, I find myself so busy wondering what someone else is doing, and where and why, that my own thoughts create turmoil inside me. When this happens, I know I’m a candidate for a new, honest self-appraisal. If I allow myself to evade this self-confrontation, I’ll be a candidate for a rude awakening!

I must not forget that my first obligation is to work out changes in my own thinking patterns. My progress toward becoming a worthwhile human being depends on making these changes, and so does the improvement I long for in the circumstances of my life.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I can change nothing but myself. Do I need changing If things are going wrong – or seem to be – m aybe it’s because of the way I’m reacting to them. If I accept the fact that the principal source of my unhappiness is in me, I’ll be giving myself a good reason to do something about ME. It isn’t easy – but the rewards are beyond reckoning!

“My happiness cannot possibly depend on my forcing changes in somebody else. Nor does my misery come from anyone but myself.”

MeredithD1

August 4 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

One source of frustration we seldom recognize is in expecting too much of others or expecting too specifically what we feel they ought to be, say, give or do.

If I expect another person to react in a certain way to a given situation, and he or she fails to meet my expectation, have I the right to be disappointed or angry?

Every human being has his own individual drives and motivations, beyond my understanding and control. I may say, “But he knew what I expected,” not realizing that it may have been precisely for this reason that he rebelled and acted otherwise.

My search for peace of mind will bear fruit much more readily if I stop expecting and relax into acceptance.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will not set a pattern based on my own experience and wishes – and expect someone else to live up to it. This is interference of a subtle and damaging kind; it damages my peace of mind and dignity, and those I am smothering with my expectations.

“I, too, often fail to live up to the expectations of others.”

MeredithD1

August 5 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

What we get from our association with Al-Anon depends pretty much on what we put into it. Certainly the Al-Anon program can help me rid myself of my despairs and frustrations, but the major effort of listening, observing and concentrating must be mine. Al-Anon points the way, but we must take the road. Al-Anon provides the tools, but we must use them.

TODAY’S REMINDER

If I apply myself to the Al-Anon program, do some reading from an Al-Anon book every day, regard my meetings as too important to be missed, and I apply what I am learning, I’m on the road. Along the way I can help others to work out their problems, and so gain further help from my willingness to share what I am getting from Al-Anon.

I want to be constantly aware of my role as a member of this fellowship, consciously experience the comforting interchange this membership makes possible. It is as though I had found a secure island, inhabited by loving and interested friends.

“The reason I make so much of being an Al-Anon member is that Al-Anon has been the means of making a better person of me.”

MeredithD1

August 6 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

“Use a slogan,” someone suggests at a meeting. “Keep it in the forefront of your mind all the time, and don’t let your troubles crowd it out. Act on it!”

Take, for example, “Let Go and Let God.”

The more tightly I clutch my problems to my mind, the less opportunity I give God to help me work them out. The more tensely and desperately I try to solve them, the more the answers elude me.

I will let go and let God. If I can’t solve my difficulty, perhaps He will, if I can only let go and let Him.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Saying this small phrase over and over gives me such a sense of release and relaxation that nothing seems as difficult as before. The thought of just letting go seems to drop a heavy weight from my shoulders, and lets me breathe freely again. Why has it been so hard for me to let go? Is it because I feel that only I am capable of solving the big problems? I know that isn’t true, so I will just Let Go and Let God.

“God’s help is always available; all we have to do is to make room for Him to take part in our lives and keep ourselves ready to accept His guidance.”

MeredithD1

August 7 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

This is a day which God has given into my hands. If I could only realize what a tremendous gift this is, I would use every moment of it to make my life more serene, more rewarding. I would not look back over my shoulder at the disappointments of the past – I would not anxiously contemplate the future. I would live – JUST FOR TODAY – as well as I can. I would put aside critical thoughts of others. I would notice interesting things – the expressions on people’s faces, a plant growing on my windowsill, the grace and charm of a child, an arrangement of clouds. Today there are wonders all around me, if I will open my eyes and enjoy them.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Let me not be so preoccupied with thoughts of my grievances and troubles that today’s good can escape me. Today I can begin a new way of using my minutes and hours, a new way of looking at my surroundings and the circumstances of my life. I will make this day one I can look back upon with pleasure and satisfaction and a preparation for the days to come.

“Today is all the time I have. Nobody can keep me from using it well. If I make this a good day, then tomorrow can be even better.”

(INTERESTINGLY I got the days mixed up - this one is actually yesterday's!! Considering that the subject matter talks about JUST FOR TODAY, I think that's Divine Comedy! LOL!!)

MeredithD1

August 8 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We hear it said that Al-Anon members do not give each other advice. This refers specifically to the kind of advice that suggests taking drastic action to bring about a radical change in a marriage relationship. This we do not – and must not – do.

In other ways, we in Al-Anon give a great deal of advice. We suggest looking into ourselves for the causes of our problems; we advise dependence on God’s guidance. We recommend lots of Al-Anon reading, the study of the Twelve Steps and the slogans. We suggest spiritual ways to find a new perspective and new strength and share our personal experience to applying them.

TODAY’S REMINDER

When I am greatly troubled by an insoluble problem, I will gladly accept the advice of my fellow members that I concentrate on a slogan or a Step in finding a solution. I know that constructive action can be taken only after I have lifted my thoughts and emotions out of their confused state.

Using the slogans and the Twelve Steps will strengthen me to make wise decisions.

MeredithD1

August 9 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

I know how easy it is to let anger well up inside me at the thought of someone who has injured me. What is much more difficult is to take a detached view so we can stop the building up of this “head of steam.” Unless I do this, it will explode, damaging me and everything around me.

When we are frustrated in our desire to punish the one we’re angry at, we may take it out on innocent bystanders, sometimes even our own children, those young lives which God has entrusted to our hands. Surely we have an obligation – a duty of love – to avoid aggravating the emotional damage that the drinking parent may already be inflicting on them.

TODAY’S REMINDER

There are many good reasons to keep myself from harboring resentful thoughts. They can grow into savage attacks on other human beings. Another good reason for quieting my anger before it gets out of hand is to prevent the emotional scars it can leave on me.

“If any man among you seem to be religious and bridleth not his tongue, he deceiveth his own heart; this man’s religion is vain.” (General Epistle of James)

MeredithD1

August 10 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

In the book of Ecclesiasticus we read: “The stroke of the tongue breaketh the bones. Weigh they words in a balance and make a door and a bar for thy mouth. Envy and wrath shorten the life.”

This statement speaks directly for the Al-Anon program. We are constantly being reminded that we are working to improve ourselves, to protect ourselves from the influences of confusion, anger and resentment.

In these words from the Bible, we have a direct recommendation to check our part in the difficulties we have with others. And the reason it gives – our own benefit – is equally valid in Al-Anon teachings.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Let me reflect on how much damage I may have done, and may still do, by saying the first thing that comes to mind. Let me realize that the worst reaction of unbridled anger falls upon me. What I say in a single moment of uncontrolled rage can have inconceivable long-range consequences.

“Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the truth of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”

MeredithD1

August 11 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Even with a growing understanding of Al-Anon philosophy, we might find it difficult to accept such a statement as this:

“Al-Anon is a way to personal freedom.”

Suppose I feel like a prisoner, trapped in an irksome way of life, as so many of us do. What am I doing about it? My obvious impulse is to try to manipulate the things and people around me into being more acceptable to me. Do I argue, rage and weep to make my spouse behave in a way that I think will make me happier? Happiness isn’t won that way.

Freedom from despair and frustration can come only from changing, in myself, the attitudes that are maintaining the conditions that cause me grief.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I have the power to set myself free by conquering the personal shortcomings that chain me to my problems. And not the least of these is the short-sightedness that has made me refuse to accept responsibility for the way I am.

“Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Ann

A keeper for me, and a reminder that sometimes all I have to do is let go.

Thanks, Meredith, for these daily inspirations.

Hugs

MeredithD1

hi Ann and glad you are finding them helpful - I know I sure do

been unable to connect to the net for a few days, so will post a few in a row:

August 12 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

It is difficult to overcome the habit of setting standards for our spouses, and expecting them to be followed. Unfortunately, this may continue even after the alcoholic is sober in AA. We figure out what the results of his sobriety should be, in changed attitudes and behavior and, when things don’t work out the way we expect, we’re frustrated and angry.

I must teach myself to leave my partner to God and to his friends in AA. I must learn not to expect or demand. I will look for, and appreciate, his positive and desirable actions, and not concentrate on the negative. I must, in other words, do something constructive about my own attitude.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will not look for perfection in another person until I have attained perfection myself. Since I know this will never be, let me learn to accept things as they are, and stop manipulating them into changing. Let me look for a wiser approach to life from myself not from other people.

“Thou must learn to renounce thy own will in many things, if thou wilt keep peace and concord with others. ” (Thomas A’Kempis)

MeredithD1

August 13 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We suffer more than we need to, and often, perhaps, because we want to. Many of us reopen old wounds by dwelling on the past – what “he or she did last week or last year.” Many of us live in needless dread of what tomorrow will bring.

An interesting and rewarding exercise for today might be to examine all the things that are hurting me at the moment. I will challenge their validity to see if there is any basis for my bitterness – 9or for that dread and fear. I’ll probably discover, to my delight, that I have, right at this moment, more than enough reasons to be happy and contented.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Why do I allow myself to suffer? Is there any meaning or validity to the items I am permitting myself to suffer from? What if “he said this” – or “she did that.” Even if it was MEANT to hurt, it cannot reach the real me, if I stand grand at the door of my mind.

“Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you’ve even survived
But what torments of grief you’ve endured,
From evils which never arrived.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

MeredithD1

August 14 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When an alcoholic finally reaches bottom, and begins the long climb upward through AA, this is the beginning of growth in personal and spiritual maturity.

If we grant, as surely we must, that both partners in an alcoholic marriage are or have become neurotic, we non-alcoholics, too, need the help of a growth program.

If A, then, takes steps to get well and face life as a responsible adult, how can B keep pace without the self-understanding that eventually comes to us in al0Anon? This is the practical logic of the words of our Suggested welcome: “Working in unity for a common purpose does more than strengthen both partners individually: it draws them together.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

If the AA member recognizes that sobriety is only the beginning of his growth, the spouse, too, needs continuing help in adjusting to the new problems of their joint relationship. Al-Anon shows us how to meet that responsibility with dignity, grace and love.

“…that our loves and comforts should increase even as our days do grow.”

MeredithD1

August 15 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Each of us has, as a person, an enormous potential. Many of our frustrations come from not making the most of ourselves and getting out of life what is has to give, ready and waiting for us to accept.

Although we come into Al-Anon to deal with a specific problem, we do not always realize that developing ourselves could be the answer, not only to the problem of living with alcoholism, but to others as well.

The solutions rest with me. With the help of my Higher Power, I can adorn my life with comfort, serenity and enjoyment. It does not depend on any other person, and the sooner I accept this fact, the sooner I will be able to face myself realistically.

TODAY’S REMINDER

People can affect me only as I allow them to. I need not be influenced by others, for I am free to consult my own wishes and standards, and decide what is best for me. I find I can realize my own strength and confidence by working faithfully with the /al-Anon program, and using it in my daily life.

“…the only real answer to frustration is to concern myself with the drawing forth of what is uniquely me. This gives me the impulse and the courage to act constructively on the outside world.” (Robert K. Greenleaf)

MeredithD1

August 16 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

It may be that the harsh words and accusations we use to whip the alcoholic for what he has done, or failed to do, leave no mark once the battle is over. But how can we tell? How can we risk hurting another person who is already so deeply wounded by his own guilt?

Does the voice of God have a chance to be heard over my angry shouting? What is the purpose of letting myself fly apart in reckless tantrums? To punish the drinker? To relieve my pent-up feelings?

TODAY’S REMINDER

I cannot punish anyone without punishing myself. The release of my tensions, even if it seems justified, leaves dregs of bitterness behind. Unless I have deliberately decided that my relationship with my spouse has no further value in my life, I would do well to consider the long-range benefits of quiet acceptance in times of stress.

“How shall you punish those whose remorse is already greater than their misdeeds?” (Kahlil Gibran, THE PROPHET)

MeredithD1

August 17 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We sometimes forget what a painful experience it was to come to our first Al-Anon meeting. Remember the whirling thoughts, the fears, the uncertainty? Uneasy questions came crowding into our minds: “Is it the right thing to do?” – “What will he say if he finds out?” – “Am I disgracing my family by admitting that husband and father drinks too much?” – “What if somebody tells I was there?”

Then we were reassured to discover that Al0Anon has a protective cloak of anonymity for us. Every member understands that no word of the proceedings must ever go beyond the meeting room, and especially that no names should ever be mentioned.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The newcomer to Al-Anon immediately feels comforted and safe when she learns that she can talk freely without fear of having anything repeated. We owe her this assurance. We are committed to it by our own Traditions, as well as by our personal need for protection against careless gossip.

I will remind myself daily that I must guard against revealing anything concerning Al-Anon or an AA member.

“Tradition Twelve: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.”

MeredithD1

August 18 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Some of us had a long list of grievances against the alcoholic, especially while the drinking was still active. The worst possible thing we can do is to remember them, dwell on them, and polish up our halos of martyrdom. The very best we can do is to erase them from memory, so that each new day becomes an opportunity to make things better.

It is not my assignment to keep an inventory of my spouse’s faults and misbehaviors. My task is to watch for my own and root them out, so that what I say and do will help to make things better for me and for my family.

TODAY'S REMINDER

Storing up grievances is more than a waste of time; it’s a waste of life that could be lived to greater satisfaction. If I keep a record of oppressions and indignities, I am restoring them to painful reality.

I’ve found they’re surprisingly easy to forget, once I start using the Al-Anon program each day.

“The horror of that moment,” the King said, “I shall never, never forget.” “You will, though,” said the Queen, “if you don’t make a memorandum of it.” Lewis Carroll: THROUGH the LOOKING GLASS