Confused
 

My husband has been home from rehab for almost 2 weeks. Well he insisted on staying with his parents for awhile before he comes home. He promised a lot last weekend and never showed up to cut the grass or anything. He came by last night after i told him that i was trying to stay really positive about us living apart right now while he works on his recovery and i also work on mine. I just needed something ever now and then to go on. Things got heated and well :wild . That was something i really wanted but a kiss or holding my hand on the couch would have been fine. Later in the evening he says he is upset with his self for letting that happen. He had told himself he was going to wait until he came home. He said it was nothing I did, he was dissappointed in himself. So my question is...in rehab do they tell them to stay distant from their wife? I have read that recovery is very hard and the first 90 days is the hardest.

All I know is that my AW is more distant after rehab than she ever was while using.

I've never heard of a rehab telling a spouse to stay distant from the other spouse. Obviously, there needs to be change, and sometimes that's best achieved with some separation or downtime... in order to get established with new boundaries and new habits while working a program.

Actually, they tell people in relationships to not make any big decisions regarding the relationship during the first year... if that's possible. There is so much change going on in that first year that it's best not to make any drastic changes.

But things can't be the same they were, either. Try not to worry too much about what happened. It's very difficult being in recovery AND trying to manage a relationship. Very hard. Use the separation to keep working on yourself. Time will help make things clearer.

No...I didn't call him over to have sex. He was suppose to come and cut the grass and forgot the mower at his parents. But he came anyway to spend a little time with me. It just happened. I am giving him space and time to get his head together and get a routine down and to sink into meetings.

I am in a healthy relationship with a wonderful man. He is not an addict or alcoholic--in fact, in so many ways, he's one of the healthiest (mentally and physically) people I know. I mention this because I wanted to put a healthy perspective in here for you. There are times in the 26 years we have been married that we have drifted or have felt a little distant from each other. But we always drift together again. It's a normal cycle in a relationship. I don't rush him and he doesn't rush me. Our love binds us together but there are times when a little (emotional and physical) distance is necessary and refreshing.

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder.....and I believe it does.

When he pushes, I pull. When I push, he pulls. It's so much easier when we are both relaxed and allow each other to work our own issues.

gentle hugs
ke