SHELLY1

I have been a member for years and have only posted a few times but i probably could have written everybodys posts regarding ah and ad's . I have visited these pages and posts and printed and recited and every time the chaos of addiction happened I learned a little more grew a little more but feared I would never have the strength or the willpower to just realize that i really deserved more. I work full time have managed to pay off my mortgage keep my head above water while dealing with my daughter and husbands addictions and all of the chaos that goes with it. Back in January i finally had a meltdown everything hit at once while I was at work which is another stressful situation but has been my safe place away from the chaos. I finally had to go to family doctor who has taken care of all of my family and knew the history he asked me how much longer I was willing to deal with life , what was i gaining from it except being a 43 year old woman who worked hard and provided for everybody but who was putting herself in grave. He put me on antidepressants anti anxiety medications took me out of work for a few days. Well it has been 6 months and he upped anti depressants twice. I really was afraid to go on them for fear of numbing myself I was afraid that I would be numb and just let things happen and not give a crap well I am glad to report that i was wrong. they have calmed me enough so I can actually think straight which I now realize I haven't actually done a very long time . yes I kept bills paid made sure everybody went to appointments whether it be doctors courts etc made sure all fines were paid for them made sure there was food in house for them and any thing to keep them comfortable in order to hopefully keep them home of course that never worked . It finally hit me while on my vacation with absolutely nothing to do or look forward to that I work to hard and live married but alone yes he has been clean for a few months but we have nothing to talk about and whenever he talks about going out and getting a job or doing something to better our life again and get back what we once had I have an immediate anxiety attack because we have been through this to many times and I always end up picking up the pieces. I have come to realize that I will never be able to trust him again and its not fair to him or me. He needs to be able to stand on his own and prove to himself that he can be a man again without me holding him back because of my not wanting to get hurt again. I am not mad anymore. I just want to go on my own and start fresh while giving him the opportunity to hopefully grow for him our kids and our grandson who he loves immensely. so now that i have written a small novel I would like some feedback about others experiences before I take the next big step which is walking away from my house and possibly my job to start over . I'm not doing it blindly my best friend has a mobile which I would only have to pay the lot rent for and I can either get transfered to that area or go to work where she works which I am kind of leaning towards but I dont want to jump into to many things at once for fear of becoming overwhelmed and coming back just because of familiar grounds. My family keeps telling me they woulf have packed up and left a long time ago and nobody would have ever faulted me for it but I am stubborn and kept thinking that i would be admitting failure but I am finally over that .I now realize that the only thing i have failed in is taking care of myself body and soul. Thanks so much everybody this is the best place I could have ever found.
:ghug3

Freedom1990

Shelly, it's wonderful you finally gained that self-awareness that helped you see how sorely you neglected yourself!

When I was married to my EXAH, he went through rehab, and I went shortly after he got out. He never did embrace recovery.

I knew that going back home was no longer an option for me when I left rehab. I had to walk away from him for my own sanity and safety.

So I started fresh, 2 hours away from "home", and in the small town where rehab was.

It was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

I'm still in that little town 25 years later. I have a great circle of friends, am enjoying being an empty nester, and I am content.

I hope you post more and let us know how you are doing. We care!

Kindeyes

Shelly
I escaped from a marriage to a man who abused drugs and alcohol 28 years ago. I lost a house to foreclosure. I moved 3,000 miles to live with my parents with my small son. But 20/20 hindsight it was the best thing I could have done for myself.

I met a wonderful man and we've been married now for 26 years. I'm happy.

I finally left my first husband when the pain of staying with him exceeded the pain of leaving. But it was a conclusion I had to come to all by myself......no one else could tell me to leave. I just knew when enough was enough.

You will be in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke

newnormal4me

Just curious as to why you would leave him with the house you have admitted paying the mortgage off on? Why wouldn't you sell it to give you a fresh start and maybe a little money to go on? I realize everyone has their reasons for things, etc.

I am sorry for what you are going through. There does come a time for all of us where the thought of leaving or getting out of a relationship seems less painful than staying. It sounds like you are finally starting to take care of yourself, which is great. Keep putting that one step in front of the other. Take care.

Ann

Shelly, I am glad you have reached a good point in your recovery where you realize you have choices and that you can make the choice that is right for you.

Most times when people walk away from a marriage they are closing the door on an already empty room.

Embrace your future, whatever it is, and one day you will thank your past for taking you to that good place. I know I have.

Hugs