eaglette

My friend, who happens to be my R(?)ABF's cousin and best friend relapsed and died the other night. He was somehow brought back to life by the hospital. He is currently out and drinking again. (Alcohol was not his DOC.)

Both my R(?)ABF and his cousin/best friend have red flags written all over them, and I do not feel like tiptoeing through a minefield along with them.

RABF now hangs out with cousin/friend constantly, has stopped going to meetings and counseling, and smokes pot regularly as well as drinking on occasion. When I talked to him about my concerns, he said he didn't want to be brainwashed and spend his life obsessing over how many meetings or counseling sessions he had gone to. Soon he is going to be off his medications because he gets them through his counseling facility.

I know I am right to be concerned. I am just incredibly sad about the direction this is going.

suki44883

I'm not familiar with your situation. Are you still involved with the ABF or is he an ex? In either case, it's okay to feel concern for what he is doing to himself, as long as you realize you cannot change him. Do you go to al-anon meetings? If not, you should. They can be tremendous face-to-face support.

Freedom1990

There's no "R" in RABF. Drinking and smoking dope does not constitute recovery, not by a long shot.

IllBeFree

That is so scary and sad. You stay STRONG!

Ann

I'm sorry, for you and for those who cannot or will not stop even when death stares them straight in the eye.

Sadly many die in their disease and there is not one thing any of us can do to save them from themselves and their addiction. If love could save them not one of us would be here.

My son overdosed a few times, each time very serious although he didn't die. You'd think that would stop him but he is still lost in his disease somewhere today.

I could no longer live my life in fear, so I had to move on and find my sanity again. Today I say a prayer each morning and ask God to take care of my son, then I live my day well and in peace.

Going to meetings helped me get to the good place I am in today. Working my program and coming to SR helps me keep what I was so freely given by those who went before me.

Maybe check you area and try a few meetings and see if they don't help you too.

Hugs

eaglette

Thank you all for your advice and support. I have been to one Nar-Anon meeting and several NA meetings (to help me in my own recovery).

Fortunately I am not too close with my friend who died and then came back. I am just starting to get really upset about the fact that he actually died. It didn't really hit me until right now. I am writing him a letter right now.

I am currently involved with BF and wanting to stay that way, but I wish he would take his recovery more seriously. I thought he would because when he got out of rehab he was really gung-ho about the whole thing. He is a large part of what inspired me to leave marijuana behind and begin working toward a healthier lifestyle. Now it is causing a huge rift between us. I expressed to him that I wished that he would be committed to his recovery, and his retort was, "What do you know about recovery?" He has been off of heroin and all opiates now for eighty-something days and had done what he set out to do--get off of those. He never intended to quit everything else. I am so happy for him that he was able to leave opiates behind, but he just doesn't get why weed is such a big deal.

I am hoping I'm wrong about how this situation will play out, and I don't mean to think so negatively, but my gut instinct is generally right on. I don't expect to change either of them, but I just hope they will wake up.

treadingwater

I'm a parent of a 22 to year old alcohol and substance abuser. When he uses he is pretty much hardcore. He just had 90+ days of clean behind him and threw it to the wind.
He relapsed on a couple 4loco...beers??? Anyway I can't say for sure that is all he did.
He was in a sober living community and as soon as this happened he was told to leave. Of course, as usual my husband and I had literally just left on a five day much deserved vacation in another State. UGH!!! Coincidence? Probably not..seems everytime we try to get a bit of peace a crisis kicks in. NO LIE!!!
My son's of the mindset that he can drink alcohol and not use hard drugs. WE say no way...NOT!!!
I can not believe he is telling himself this when not even a few months ago we all thought he had finally hit a TRUE rock bottom.
Your BF is playing head games...pot is a mood, mind altering drug.
Wishing you the best...