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JoCino: First let me start by saying big hugs to you. My Ex-boyfriend of more than five years was/ is addicted to cocaine and I found out this March. I don't know how long he as been on it etc. because I choose to leave him when I found out when he was in the hospital. He has done some sort of detoxification program, and he has been trying to reach me via anyway of communication that he can. We had a large age difference between us as well, he is 16 years my senior. While you are concerned for your wife and her recovery don't take this on as a problem for you to solve. Addicts are very good at lying and hiding it. You don't want to put yourself in a situation where she can continue to make you feel like you already do. I would suggest working to get sole custody of your daughter. She deserves the very best and right now, your wife does not seem to be that. I would also suggest that you allow your wife to hit her rockbottom. Easier said than done I know. Trust me this is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I hurt, and the pain can be overwhelming at times. The only thing that keeps me going is my faith, and knowing that I deserve better. You deserve better as well. You deserve a mate that will not have an addiction to put before you. Your daughter deserves her mother, free from substances. She deserves a family where she can trust both parents. You will get a lot of love and support from the people on here. Take it easy!! |
lady13: let me just say WOW! our stories are so similar. I can completlety relate to all that you said. Amazing. I too have an AH. I too have 4 children. I too have been put thru the ringer for 10+ years. I too have tried everything (and I do mean everything). I too have threatened for years that I will leave (and have several times ~ each time he seems to get some better and then were off again). I have not gone as far as seperation papers (no such thing where I live). But I did recently ask him to leave (again). It is somehow different this time. I am peaceful (which scares me a little). I have no idea how my saga will turn out. Only God knows... I just wanted to tell you that I can relate to your story. Amazing how we all live such similar lives. |
thank u everybody for sharing your horrors and suggestions for me... understand that I have been living in a house of insanity where there is no more logic or sense, answers or ways to find out if it is me over reacting or denying my own truth of this new found life.... listening to her ridiculous take on things and regularly trying so hard to point out the obvious - and getting nowhere - is maddeningly frustrating to a point that I have honestly begun to question my own self... this feeds the fog and makes matters worse for my own mentality which is needed right now... I feel almost as unsure and as unstable as she is... every five minutes is a new decision in my mind - "that's it - I'm going to leave her".... five minutes later I'm thinking "you can't leave yet - your little girls not ready"... repeat and rinse over n over until the exhaustion finally forces the sleep over the need for sleep. like most of you, I can't believe how quickly and drastically my life has changed in such a short period of time and what it is that I am left to live with. I thank those of u who have provided me with a path to travel and people to call... I will do so at my earliest chance, which should be today at sometime. a few other points of interest that may or may not change the equation as far as legally... I have uncovered two trails to her usage... 'The Note', as already referenced, was not actually a handwritten note, but a word document that she saved on her SD card on her phone... *myself, being a little more than a savvy computer guy with an understanding of computer forensics, comphiscated the SD card and just made a printout of what I found... how valuable and admissible that may be is subject to discussion and most likely leaves open the whole 'beyond a reason of a doubt'... the other trail I found WERE hand written - this is about five small, yellow note paper notes written in code in numbered bullet points... when asked about these papers she said that it was her n her closest friend discussing the possibility of her drug problem... she said she was extremely high on adderrall again that day... bullet points in code like this 3)- Sarahs Obsession 4)- Miami Refuge ...etc... there was about twenty of these on these papers... when asked about 'Sarahs Obsession' she refused to answer... still don't know why... after about twenty minutes of asking again and again, she finally gave me 'her' answer, which still makes no sense - if anyone understands this phrase or knows what this is, PLEASE explain: "One of my drug dealers kept referring to these other drugs as 'Sarah'... he would always talk about them to the point that he was obsessed, so we always wondered what that was all about" yes - that was her answer. as for Miami Refuge....which is an actual city in Miami, I asked if that's where she had gone to score some drugs, she said no... and followed with, "Refuge means to get away... I just wanted to get away", i said, "so you didn't go to Refuge, Miami?"... she said she didn't even know that that was a real place. RIGHT!! none of the jargon on these notes makes any sense, nor do any of her answers so those papers drive me CRAZY! there were other terms she would use regularly, like 'The High Truth'... (anybody?) Lies, lies and more lies... this cycle is easily as damaging to us as the drugs she protects, even though there really is no 'US' thanks again to you all for helping my sanity and wishing me the best... as of now I have decided I am leaving her, but talk to me again in five minutes and I'm sure I'll be positive I have to stay Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? . |
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? I mean what's the point of keeping drug addicts and negative people in your life. I'm sure you'll figure out an appropriate solution for your problems. Like you said, you are putting your childs needs first. |
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