boundary
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
boundary
I'm separated from AH and trying not to get emotionally involved while he starts his recovery. We hugged on Friday and told each other we missed each other, but now I am totally confused. I think it's too soon. And I had told him before that he absolutely HAD to find another job in order for me o trust him because he works with people he used with and a lady he cheated with. He has looked, but isn't finding anything. I just feel like my emotions are too raw to even think about being emotionally involved when i know he is over there with that other women. Habits are hard to break. I don't know if he is over there talking to her and acting like nothing is wrong. Is this an ok boundary: I will not be emotionally involved with you while you are associating with people whom you have used with and whom you have cheated on me with.
I know I can't make him find another job. But I don' t have to put my emotions out there to be trampled on when I am not able to trust him.
I know I can't make him find another job. But I don' t have to put my emotions out there to be trampled on when I am not able to trust him.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
If I am reading this right, all he needs to do is find a new job, and, all is good?
That to me, is the least of the issues. Finding another job is not going to stop him from cheating. And, most important recovery is a slow process, is he working a strong program or he just white knuckling it?
If it were me, I wouldn't even consider giving him any of my emotional time until he is clean and sober for at least a year and working a valid recovery program.
Cheating is a deal breaker for me, drugs or no drugs, two diifferent animals.
The other woman didn't tie him down and strap him to the bed to make him cheat, he cheated because that is what he wanted to do.
You can not control him, he is an adult, this is totally up to him.
Are you going to Alanon meetings? Have you read Codependent No More? I recommend both.
I am very sorry that you are hurting, but, the ball is in your court, think this through, do what is best for you.
That to me, is the least of the issues. Finding another job is not going to stop him from cheating. And, most important recovery is a slow process, is he working a strong program or he just white knuckling it?
If it were me, I wouldn't even consider giving him any of my emotional time until he is clean and sober for at least a year and working a valid recovery program.
Cheating is a deal breaker for me, drugs or no drugs, two diifferent animals.
The other woman didn't tie him down and strap him to the bed to make him cheat, he cheated because that is what he wanted to do.
You can not control him, he is an adult, this is totally up to him.
Are you going to Alanon meetings? Have you read Codependent No More? I recommend both.
I am very sorry that you are hurting, but, the ball is in your court, think this through, do what is best for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Somewhere here in texas
Posts: 25
I to struggle with boundaries and control.. Being a responsible parent or a controling spouse??? I go back and forth in my head and since I've found this site and attend alanon... I don't do it perfect but I can
at least make a decesion and talk to someone about whatever I might be struggling with and remeber we r sick too and we have to learn what it's like to be healthy ourselves and start our recovery
at least make a decesion and talk to someone about whatever I might be struggling with and remeber we r sick too and we have to learn what it's like to be healthy ourselves and start our recovery
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