peanut21

I don't even know where to start or finish anymore. I am so confused, hurt and feel like I have no options. I have been married to my husband for nine years. He will clean up for awhile and then back to the pills, drinking, marajuana, and disappear as soon as he is off work. He doesn't come home except to sleep and eat. If you try to call he will not answer or lies about where he is. I feel like I have given him so many chances and now I am ready to be done with all of this. I am angry and cry all of the time and my 13 year old son feels like he has to take care of me. He won't do things with his dad and then my husband gets mad at me because nobody wants to spend time with him. I don't know what he expects when he is like that. I really want to leave but at this time am unable to work because of a disability. I have no income and my husband gives me no money. He controls everything. If I need gas or anything he has to go buy it. I have recently spoke to an attorney and I was told to stay and put up with it as long as I could or until my disability could be granted if it is granted. I don't know if me and my kids can do this. I love my husband but have finally realized things are never going to change and my yelling and screaming and crying has no affect on him at all. I don't understand how they do not care about anything or anybody. He tells me he loves me and then gets messed up 2 minutes later. On top of all the drug use he has all of a sudden started going on dateing and porn sites and that makes things even worse. I really don't understand. How do you get through this. I don't know where to go or what to do anymore. I feel like I am being controlled, abused and used and I have no way of stopping it.

Ann

I'm sorry Peanut, that is no way to have to live. Abuse of any kind is not acceptable, not for you and not for your boy.

Something that may help or give you more options is to contact a women's abuse shelter near you and tell them your situation and see what they may have to offer. You don't have to go to the shelter in an emergency in order to avail yourself of their services and help, and often they have access to "fast tracking" things like your disability claim.

I really hope you find a solution soon.

Hugs

hope213

i am so sorry for you & your son. i wish there was something i could say or do to make everything ok. is there family u can go stay with? can social services help u since u have a disability? maybe your church. please talk with someone. my prayers are with you & your son.

peanut21

My family lives in MN and I am here in LA they would help if they could but that is not possible at this time. Here in Louisiana there is not much help and I guess that is why my attorney told me to stay put until we find out if my disability will be approved. I have no family or friends in this area It is just me and my two boys. My other two boys one is in MN and the other is a Marine in CA and is getting ready to deploy with a baby of his own on the way. I feel so helpless and tired of crying but don't know how to change the situation. His family pretends and his mom makes excuses. Even after his brother died of the same thing she says oh he is okay. He will be okay or he is not doing those things. They will not help at all. Both of his brothers are (were one died of overdose in Dec). addicts also.

livingalie

Peanut, I am so sorry for your situation. I will let you know that reading your post felt like I was reading about my OWN life and my OWN current situation.

I do agree with everyone else's post. Call shelters, call your county social services, call SOMEONE to see what help you can get. It's out there, though you have to dig. I am still looking for help with my situation and have been looking for almost a year here. Some places, that are small communities (like the one I live in) are sometimes not equipped with the ability to handle matters like ours. But be strong. You will find a way through it!

I can tell you, honestly, I hate my situation. I hate my life and I hate what my AH is doing and has done. But you know what? I can get through this! I can do this! I can be strong! We're mothers and would walk in front of a bullet train for our babies. That's courage right there, my friend! It's in us, we just have to yank it out of hiding and force it to be active in our lives.

In all my hate and anger and frustration, the only person I am mad with is myself. I cannot say you should be, that's just me and my dilemma. I allowed my AH to control me. I allow him to do what he's doing. I allow all of his behaviors. One of these days, my courage will surface and I'll be in a position to say, "SEE YA!!", and move on with my life.

Find your strength. It's there. You DO have it! And keep posting in here. The women and men of SoberRecovery are AWESOME! They will be your rock when you need someone to lean on. They have been there and will always be there for you!!

lightseeker

Peanut,

Welcome. I'm sorry for your situation but glad that you have found SR. There are many resourceful people here and have many awesome suggestions. I know that you must feel overwhelmed and helpless but I KNOW that there is some way to sort this out. The answers will come....just keep asking the questions.

Many of us here have to play the waiting game until it is the right time to leave our situation. I waited for a long time but just kept putting one foot in front of the other....planning/plotting/preparing. When the time was right - I left. I've been out for 3 1/2weeks now. It's been tough but I promise you that all of my fact finding and information gathering paid off in spades when the right time came.

I would recommend finding some Alanon or Naranon meetings and also calling the domestic violence hotline in your area. I was definitely abused by my husband and put off calling. When I finally did it was the best thing in the whole world!

Keep posting. We're glad to have you here. You are not alone.

dollydo

This is a difficult situation at best. i agree with Lightskeekers approach, devise an exit plan, so, that when you are able to work or get disability you can move forward with the plan. Without money, he has you in a box.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

butterflyflight

Thats because you are being abused. I agree with the above, definitely call dv shelters too they are there to help

HopeAwaits

Welcome Peanut!

Livingalie is so right! Most here have been in this situation or similar. You can get through this! I wish I had answers and could help at this moment! but keep coming here and looking for resources in your area!!

))))hugs((((

peanut21

I want to thank all of you for your words of encouragement. I am trying to make it one day at a time. I try to just live for today and keep planning for a future. My 17 year old is very angry about all of this but he knows our situation. My 13 year old is the same way but not so angry. He loves his dad and hates what is happening. I have no intentions of telling my husband I am trying to find a way out as we speak. It is so hard to sit by and bide my time but I will do what I have to. I don't want to live like this anymore. He keeps telling me if I think anyone else would put up with having to support me while I sit on my ass go ahead and go. Well I have no option but to not work at this time but it still hurts when he says it because I feel so helpless.

Again thank yall for just listening.

hope2be

Hi Peanut: (huggs)
I'm from Louisiana also, so I guess we're neighbors as far as this board is concerned.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, but I agree with everyone else. Start calling shelters, etc and prepare an exit plan. Most agencies that deal with abusive relationships will help you to get out of a dangerous situation.

Good luck with all and keep safe