Freedom1990

Thank you for the update, and you sound great! You might consider going no contact with the ex. I'm not seeing any benefit in the conversations unless I am missing something. Keep up the fantastic work!

TwistedJinxer

Thank you.

MissTara

I am also glad to hear your update with you focusing on you! Make sure you keep coming back here and reading and posting. I have found from my own personal expierence that it is really easy to *relapse* myself back into a bad emotional state and jump off of my cloud 9 when I dont pay attention to my program...just a thought.

Congrats on being free from cutting since Feb, it is definately something to be proud of.

Paint that picture girl!!

TwistedJinxer

I just wanted to add another small update. I have met two new guys. One in which I have known for 12yrs but never got a real chance to get to know him. Then another one that I just recently met. They are amazing men. They have been taking the time to get to know me, the person I am now, the person I want to be, and what I have gone through. They have been very understanding and are both trying to show me that I deserve the best in life. And it means alot to me. They both use to drink alot, but both realized that that was NOT what they wanted in life and have sobered up and taken life alot more serious and have changed. I am taking time with both of them and enjoying being the REAL me and not having to change who I am to please them or the people in their lives. I had the best weekend with the both of them. I went to one's family reunion this Saturday. And next Saturday I am going to the other one's twin brother's wedding. It is nice to be around people that aren't ashamed of being seen with me and WANT to take me out.

I took a big step today. I told my ex off pretty much. I told him I deserve better and that what he has been doing is uncalled for. He was not thrilled and tried everything he could to bring me down. And if it weren't for one of my new friends being there and talking to me and LETTING me know that the feelings I was feeling at that moment were ACCEPTABLE, I think I would of allowed my ex to continue and forgave him for what he had done. But I did it and am not going to fall backwards and forget. I really hope that he gets the help he needs and life gets better for him. But I am NOT going to be that girl he pushes around and uses only when he wants a roll in the hay or needs help with financial issues. I know my ex can be an amazing man when he is clean and sober. But I am tired of waiting around and being pushed around for his own pleasures. I deserve better.

Thank you again for all that has helped me. I will be checking in and seeing what is going on with people and try to give my advice and help where I can.

dollydo

You sound good, it is a real positive step to re-explore the real you!

Life is a song worth singing...sing it!

MissTara

Glad to hear your update Jinx!

Listen, I do not want to be the *downer* of your update, but something concerns me. Both of the men that you are getting to know right now used to drink a lot, please be careful that you do not substitute one addict for a possible alcoholic. This may not be the case with those two guys, but I just want to put it out there.

In my experience it is quite easy to make substitutions when you feel that something else is much better for you than what you had, even if it is not entirely good for you....

(((hugs)))

Freedom1990

Thanks for the latest update! You do deserve the best, and please do keep coming back here to share your experience, strength, and hope. This is a "we" thing, and we all need each other.

I'd love to see pictures of any paintings, or your poetry (there's an off topic forum for that stuff). I wrote a lot of prose many decades ago, and probably should pick it up again!

:ghug3

TwistedJinxer

*UPDATE*
I have FINALLY told my ex off. He hooked up with his dealer. One of them. She is a mother and picked selling drugs over a real job. He stopped speaking to me for a month then told me I was evil and a cheater because I picked to move on in life. He tried everything to make me feel bad.

Also, I am officially dating a man 4 years older then me. He is a workaholic. But makes time for me. He is all the things a girl like me never thought I deserved. I love him dearly for showing me that what my ex was doing to me isn't what I deserved. He is one of those many hidden angels on earth. And he knows my addictions and past. And all he ever does is remind me how amazing I am for over coming them. He also has allowed me to see just because my exs were abusers, users, druggies, cheaters, wanna be bad boys, & liars does NOT mean I deserve it.

Love you all and think you're all amazing and wonderful people for helping lost souls!!

dollydo

Hi Twisted, good to hear from you, and glad that you have moved on.

Take Care and stay in touch.

As Ever...Dolly

TwistedJinxer

Didn't know that it was so hard to get a restraining order against someone in the state of Oregon. I had to go in and see what I could do about my ex. He has began threatening me due to the fact I am with my boyfriend now of almost 3weeks!! But the police said until he MAKES a move on those threats, I get to just DEAL with him. BLAH!! I hate men sometimes. My ex has actually changed his number so he can contact me AND my boyfriend. He is suppose to be moving 4hrs away TODAY.. *FINGERS CROSSED* Due to the fact he lost his job of 8yrs!! **And remember that is MY fault!**

I give my heart to all those people that have stood by someone through all the hard times of detoxing and all that. I have seen how hard it is and I have gone through it more then once in 2yrs!! I give my heart to the children who's parents are addicts. And don't understand why mommy or daddy choose to do it.. (My ex's son and I have actually hung out in the last month and he rather be around me then his father because he KNOWS what his father is doing and knows it will NEVER change. His dad just doesn't have it in himself to stay clean.) I congradulate the people who clean up and fight daily to stay sober and clean!! I send my love out to all the people effected and the people who are doing what they have to to be better for themself and those who love them!!

TwistedJinxer

Hey hun, thanks for being concerned. I actually have hooked up with one of the two. He has actually be REAL good with mellowing out on drinking. Actually since we have started to spend more time together and he has heard more of my past, he has mellowed out ALOT. His mother even has told me that there is something about me that has made him change. He has NEVER done this for anyone. He is amazing with me and VERY protective. My ex has made threats towards me. And this man has spent nights at my house just so I can sleep. He has taken me to work and has picked me up. He is really just... YAY!! But I see your concern and I give you a BIG hug for it!! Thank you so much!!

TwistedJinxer

Hey Larry, I just wanted to drop you a line and see how you have been doing?! I want to thank you again for trying to help me. I have now realized that my ex can not be saved. No matter what he says, it's a different stay by the next day. I will always love the sober man he was. But I can't love the man he really is. He is a shell holding a meth addict inside... It breaks my heart. But I have to let him go and LET him make his own mistakes. I can't save everyone...

TwistedJinxer

THANKY YOU DOLLY!! I am very proud of myself. It is still hard. But I am going to stand up and say ENOUGH. And that man has drained me to no return... I am DONE!! ((HUGS)) I will DEF keep in touch with people here and TRY my best to be there for people who are in the same spot I was in.

TwistedJinxer

I kinda started a lil forum myself off in the middle of NOWHERE on here... Wrote a lame poem... But was just in a mood... Been that way for about 3wks now!! Dealing with cops here in my town due to my ex and now dealing with cops in the town 60miles from here due to a man assaulting my bf... ((Assault 2 Charges are being pressed against him!!)) Just TIRED of it all!!

LOVE Y'ALL!!

TwistedJinxer

dollydo

Hi Twisted, boy, you have been one busy lady! A new opportunity for greatness is headed your way, the baby will change your life in many ways. Time to stay away from those bad boys.

Good to hear from you, keep us posted!

Windmills

Please take some time out to yourself and your baby, so many women career from one bad relationship to the next and you're worth more, so is your daughter. Congratulations by the way

TwistedJinxer

My daughter is due Oct. 9th. I am looking forward to being a single mom. He father is into drinking and smoking pot all the time. He hasn't been really any part of this. The only time he does is when I have make the time and come up with the money some how, to go to the town he lives in. But other then that, he just tells me he wants her and I. But makes no attempts. I am starting a journal for my daughter to give her when she is old enough to understand it. I will not hide the paths I have been on. The addicts I have been with and the life I lived with them. I want her to know what each one was like so she knows to avoid it. Because I hope, like any other parent, that she doesn't get involved with someone like it, let alone become one. My mother's friends have informed me what she went through before getting with my father and to know that I have made some of the same sh*tty mistakes as my mother, let's me know that being BIG hearted and caring to the point you want to be there to SAVE that person, you can't. She is my reason for being strong and protective. I want my daughter and my 3 other adopted kids to live life to the fullest and not become or experience the things I have seen myself first hand!! And it's hard when my two boys have played with drugs and both been to treatment before the age of 16!!

Thank you again everyone!!

Windmills

Personally at this point I don't feel my daughter needs to be exposed to all the ugly details about her father. He's a violent, extremely abusive heroin addict who put me through hell for years, but I don't think OUR daughter needs to hear all the details of how bad it was. She can have age appropriate information, but there are some things she will never need to know. I believe I can teach her about self respect, dignity and everything she deserves in life without ever hearing about the domestic violence and spousal rapes I survived. I'm not saying I want her to think her father is an angel, but I won't be telling her the ins and outs of how bad he is. I grew up in a violent home, I was beaten by my father for 16 years, I was sheltered from NOTHING and it did me no good. I don't think my Daisy needs to hear in depth about my suffering at the hands of her father- I escaped so she didn't have to live it, and I think that by telling her too much about my past it could create emotional scars. No details, certainly no journals, and no accounts of particular incidents. I won't hide things from her, but I won't make her relive it through my eyes.

TwistedJinxer

Thank you everyone.

I have decided to go for full custody for my daughter. Her sperm donor has begun to hang out with the wrong crowds. One of the group members is actually my ex who I started this thread over. And if he is going to be around him and do what they all do, my daughter will NOT be around it. He hasn't put a dime towards her. Hasn't been part of this whole pregnancy. He has contacted me once in a blue moon to tell me he has gotten things (so he says) and can't wait to have his daughter for a weekend. Like I said, he is hanging with the wrong crowds and has made some pretty poor choices lately. And my daughter is my world, and she's not even here yet (8wks!!)... He wont be able to have her. I am putting a parenting plan and custody paper in. She is mine and I will protect her.

Other then that, my life has been getting better. Making new friends, in a new town with my adopted family, and staying away from relationships.

HOPE EVERYONE IS HAVING A GOOD SUMMER!!