New, lost and Grieving!
 

The 15th of this month will mark 7 months since my Fiance passed away! I miss her so much! Its so hard to accept such a tragedy that I wasnt completely aware of. My fiance worked in the medical Field. She was 36. Never smoked , didnt drink. She was always so focused on bettering herself and her profession. She wasnt reckless or wild. She wanted to be an over achiever. We where a couple for 13 years, all good years . We had 2 residences, a dog , land, many vehicles and toys. I always supported and spoiled her as best I could. I was preety much I guess Co dependent on her for my happiness. She made me feel complete. We didnt fight or argue , maybe we should have , but I let her have her way all the time. I was to passive I guess. Anyways maybe 2 years ago I had signs she might be doing some drugs. I asked her and she denied. I tried to watch her but we had different schedules so it wasnt possible. She had an issue at work and had to go see a Doctor. She was off work for 6 months under his care. I thought that maybe she would get the help she needed , if she had a problem. I thought all would be well. She started working again. I would ask her over the next 18 months if she was doing anything, and she would promise me she wasnt. I wanted to believe her. Our lives seemed to be going very well at this point. I was actually at the happiest I ever was in my life. Maybe I took life for granted and didnt focus on her and problem enough , but again I thought she was old enough and smart enough to make the best choices for her well being. I didnt want to treat her like an addict / junkie. She fooled me! She lied and in my eyes led me on thinking all was well. In november 2010 she passed away from an OD. I didnt know she was using drugs ! I asked her! I trusted her! She was smart! She knew too much about drugs, but some how that didnt help her. She succumed to the disease of addiction . An addiction that I wasnt aware of. An addiction that her family , friends and coworkers didnt know of. I just cant believe that everyone missed it . I trying to forgive her and myself . Im trying to understand that she didnt have a choice. That she had no control.

I am so sorry for your loss. Your pain is obvious in your post. Your heart will heal in time. I am not saying you will ever be the same because you won't be, but you will heal. Beating yourself up because you didn't see or know is not the answer. You loved her with everything you had. It was something in her that went awry not you. You need to give yourself a chance to heal.

I haven't been on this site long but from what I have seen this is a loving supportive community. Everyone here is kind and they understand your pain and your loss. I am glad you are here and hope you find a little peace.

What a tragedy. I'm sorry for your loss. You are not alone.

I too am sorry. The grieving process is a slow one, be patient with yourself and try to understand that you are not to blame.

We are here for you,

I only wish others could be patient with me. The stigma that comes with addiction is just so destructive. Its something so complex, so hard to trully understand.

((((Michael)))) My deepest sympathies on the loss of your fiancee. Addiction is a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease.

My prayers go out to you and all who loved your fiancee.

HG

Hi Micheal,
I too am sorry to hear about your loss. It really is a painful road when you loose a loved one, especially from addiction. I too lost a loved one Nov 09 and still feel the sadness.
Over time though, I am coming to terms with it slowly. As sad as it is, I think about certain times, like you, and know deep in my heart that I couldnt save her. I realize so much more now, that there were things going on in her mind, that I couldnt change no matter what I had said. The madness of it all, knowing that addiction took a life, it has taken more than her from me, you know, it took a family apart, it left children alone. A big gap in my heart, hopefully that will mend.
I feel for you honey, I understand, its a safe place here to share your thoughts, it has helped me alot. Hold onto the good memories you have and try to smile, ok. JJ

MichealR
Words seem so insignificant when a loved one is lost to this disease. Accidental death is something that we all fear for our addicted loved ones.

Please don't blame yourself and give yourself all the time you need to heal and grieve.

As far as the stigma of addiction, try to disregard the comments of anyone who insinuates the stigma and try to forgive them. They simply don't understand.

Please.....take care of yourself and consider grief counseling or even Naranon meetings. The more you understand about addiction, hopefully, the more you will forgive your fiance and understand that you didn't cause it, couldn't control it, and couldn't cure it.

My deepest sympathies......

gentle hugs
ke

I am so sorry for your loss. Many people do not understand addiction - good that you have reached out to this site. I hope that you find healing.

i am so sorry for your loss. it is so sad when we lose one to drugs. it is bad when we know they are an addict but not to know is awful. i am glad u found us. there is alot of support here. i want you to know this is not your fault & there would have been nothing u could do to stop her from using. please keep coming back. u can learn here how to take care of yourself. sending prayers,

((Michael))

Please accept my heartfelt sympathy at the loss of your precious loved one. I hate so much that the disease of addiction took another precious light from our world.

Please know You didn't Cause, You couldn't have controlled it and You couldn't have cured it - even if you had known about it.

It wasn't your fault ~ Michael - please, know the disease makes our loved ones to hide almost everything from us - It's is NOT your fault ~

As you begin this process of grief, please know that it is OK to take care of YOU - I truly believe our loved ones that have passed one would want that for us left here ~

I believe that it is ok to do what is healthy for ourselves - therapy, rest, self-care, prayer, meditation, posting here on SR, group sessions - whatever helps you thru the process - To help you feel whole again.

You are worth it and you DESERVE it.

Again, my sympathy in your loss, and please keep reaching out for support and care.
PINK HUGS,
Rita

Micheal,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard to imagine that someone you were so close to could fool you. But addiction is sneaky.

Also those who work in the medical field think they are smarter than the average person/addict. That they know when & how much. Add this to their access & it is a big trap.

I am praying for you & her family.

I know it is hard to go on. I lost a brother and a brother in law within one month of each other to an overdose. My brother was a suprise to me and we were just getting to know each other. He had just moved in with me 2 months before and was only 29 years old and I am 41 with my own children almost his age. This was such a suprise but I keep trying to go on and be glad for the time we got with each other.