well i knew it was coming, always does!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: KY
Posts: 62
well i knew it was coming, always does!
I haven't been on in about a week. My addictbf had moved into his halfway house and was doing daily AA meetings, meeting curfews, and was turning back into the person I fell in love with. I was actually taking my distance, going to my classes, sitting at the pool with my friends, stuff I liked to do....well too good to be true!
I was woken up on tuesday of this week from phone calls and him showing up at my apt at 12am, initially I was glad to see him, but WOAHHH what the hech was he doing here?? He had failed a drug screes for suboxone, which he is prescribed, but isn't allowed at his halfway house. And since tuesday its been a long hard battle to get him to detox. One minute hell go, the next he won't, the next is that he hates me and I never do anything for him (reality is I do more for him than anyone else), and he doesn't even know why he is with me, then back to he loves me and will go IF he can get high again first (obv needing money from me) and can shower and eat(again at my place bc he can't go to his halfway house.
Well I'm proud to say that after 2 days trying to force him to go and dealing with him putting it off I have thrown in the towel. I told him that I can no longer force him to do something he isn't ready to do, and I'm staying at my moms so he can't come to my apt to use my things
I don't want him to turn this against me and say I'm abandoning him bc that isn't it at all, I just don't know how to word "I wana be with you, but not who u are as a crazy psycho heroin addict" that doesn't go over so well!!
But he just called to tell me that he is going into detox tonight, friends from the halfway house and his sponsor are going to take him, I asked if he would call me b4 he went in and he said no, but maybe he will change his mind!
But I have plans to go to the library with my mom tomm (ANY book recommendations??) And just lay around w my fam or maybe the pool with my friends. Its my moms bday tomm so were gona celebrate that...hopefully a stressfree day!!
Sorry for rambling!!
I was woken up on tuesday of this week from phone calls and him showing up at my apt at 12am, initially I was glad to see him, but WOAHHH what the hech was he doing here?? He had failed a drug screes for suboxone, which he is prescribed, but isn't allowed at his halfway house. And since tuesday its been a long hard battle to get him to detox. One minute hell go, the next he won't, the next is that he hates me and I never do anything for him (reality is I do more for him than anyone else), and he doesn't even know why he is with me, then back to he loves me and will go IF he can get high again first (obv needing money from me) and can shower and eat(again at my place bc he can't go to his halfway house.
Well I'm proud to say that after 2 days trying to force him to go and dealing with him putting it off I have thrown in the towel. I told him that I can no longer force him to do something he isn't ready to do, and I'm staying at my moms so he can't come to my apt to use my things
I don't want him to turn this against me and say I'm abandoning him bc that isn't it at all, I just don't know how to word "I wana be with you, but not who u are as a crazy psycho heroin addict" that doesn't go over so well!!
But he just called to tell me that he is going into detox tonight, friends from the halfway house and his sponsor are going to take him, I asked if he would call me b4 he went in and he said no, but maybe he will change his mind!
But I have plans to go to the library with my mom tomm (ANY book recommendations??) And just lay around w my fam or maybe the pool with my friends. Its my moms bday tomm so were gona celebrate that...hopefully a stressfree day!!
Sorry for rambling!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You did very well to take a giant step back.
There is no reasoning with an active addict, they will promise anything to buy time or buy their drug.
I remember Melody Beattie saying one time "Nothing is more frustrating that expecting something from someone who has nothing to give". He is incapable of giving anything to this relationship right now and you have to decide if you want to be the only "giver" or instead continue taking wonderful care of yourself as you have been doing.
Stay on the good path dear, it's much better than living in the dark world of addiction.
Hugs
There is no reasoning with an active addict, they will promise anything to buy time or buy their drug.
I remember Melody Beattie saying one time "Nothing is more frustrating that expecting something from someone who has nothing to give". He is incapable of giving anything to this relationship right now and you have to decide if you want to be the only "giver" or instead continue taking wonderful care of yourself as you have been doing.
Stay on the good path dear, it's much better than living in the dark world of addiction.
Hugs
Last edited by Ann; 06-11-2011 at 11:16 AM.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
You have a lot on your plate so I don't consider that rambling in the slightest. It is called venting and after everything you have been through you are entitled.
I wanted to write because I am a heroin addict myself and I have said and done all of what you just described, although not for a little over 7 yrs now.
Ann described it so well, in addition to that I just wanted to add that people thought I would act rational, or act normal but, when we are in our addiction we are not normal we are insane and not capable of acting the way loved ones want, so they end up confused, alone & bitter.
A great book maybe to understand his disease some is a book called Narcotics Anonymous, in there it explains the addict and it has stories of other recovering addicts and their loved ones. It might help you to see that he is just your everyday addict but with a great future if he gets help. It might give you some understanding as well as some hope.
You have done all you can for him, now leave it to his Higher Power and other recovering addicts who have been there.
That doesn't mean you stop loving him it just means you are letting go and concentrating on you, cause you have been through a war w/the addict. You need time to heal as well as he does.
Peace & Blessings
I wanted to write because I am a heroin addict myself and I have said and done all of what you just described, although not for a little over 7 yrs now.
Ann described it so well, in addition to that I just wanted to add that people thought I would act rational, or act normal but, when we are in our addiction we are not normal we are insane and not capable of acting the way loved ones want, so they end up confused, alone & bitter.
A great book maybe to understand his disease some is a book called Narcotics Anonymous, in there it explains the addict and it has stories of other recovering addicts and their loved ones. It might help you to see that he is just your everyday addict but with a great future if he gets help. It might give you some understanding as well as some hope.
You have done all you can for him, now leave it to his Higher Power and other recovering addicts who have been there.
That doesn't mean you stop loving him it just means you are letting go and concentrating on you, cause you have been through a war w/the addict. You need time to heal as well as he does.
Peace & Blessings
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