Wife2anaddict

I am not sure what to expect out of my AH who just came home from rehab. I know there’s supposed to be some big changes that can be difficult to deal with, but I’m just wondering if AH’s behavior is typical. Since coming back to town, he has another 2 weeks off until he goes back to work. He’s taking this time to get his SLE arranged, get a small car (we share a car right now), get his gym membership, find new meetings, etc. These are all great things, but I feel almost like he’s manic. He is not bipolar, but he is just non-stop, go-go-go. Like, the first day home, he didn’t like the way the car was driving and felt that we IMMEDIATELY needed to go to get 4 new tires put on for $400. They told him at tire kingdom that we need struts (?) so he had to drive to auto zone and then to advanced autoparts to see the price differences. He has been driving to all his Dr.’s offices, so they have releases of information to speak to each other, asking them to give him random drug screens so he can be held accountable, (?) has to clean the garage, has to drive around town to price compare all the gyms in the area, has to fix the cracked pane in the living room, has to get new flip flops, has to go looking for the car, has to drive across town to get his receipt from his dr’s visits before he left so he can have the insurance reimburse us so he can pay his father back, go to meetings, mow the lawn NOW NOW NOW NOW. Is this normal?

dollydo

Ok, I have a hard time following what is going on with you & him. Last I knew, he was to be at an SLE in another town. Now it sounds like he is home? Why?

Wife2anaddict

No, SLE is here in town. He's loosely staying/visiting until he can move in to SLE on Monday. Rehab was out of town, but SLE is here in town w/ us.

MissTara

Sounds like to me that he is doing everything in his power to stay busy. Those sound like healthy things to be doing to get affairs in order and back on track. I hope he is able to find a middle ground, going non stop will eventually catch up with him, as it does with anyone.

I am assuming that the SLE is a sober living environment place? I dont recognize the abreviation, sorry.

Just try to be patient with him and patient with yourself too while going through these sober changes....

hello-kitty

Normal is relative.

This is where your recovery comes in. Hands off the addict. Let him deal however he deals and YOU do whatever you need to do to ensure you don't become enmeshed or obsessed with his choices.

Only time will tell what will happen with his recovery. And it's out of your control so no point in focusing on it. Stay in the present. Hopefully the SLE arrangement gives you the space you need so you can focus on your own issues and addiction-proof your serenity.

Working a 12 step program will give you something recovery based to do. We can all benefit from a little personal recovery in our lives.

Chino

Ever hear the expression, "idle hands are the devil's tools"? Wish you could have seen me when I quit smoking. I got busy, stayed busy, and lost weight, too.

outtolunch

Please send him my way. I have a " honey do" list a mile long.

Wife2anaddict

I'm Definitely not hoping I'd get more attention. In fact I still really like the alone time that I got so much if while he was gone. But for instance, I wrote this post right after I got back from my lunch break. By the time ah picked me up from work at 4 he had bought a new car. Looked at one place, has no idea what the Kelly blue book value is- just bought it for $2000. My codieness wanted to totally question why he would do something so impulsive!! But I said nothing. He's an adult, it's his choice and his consequence if it ends up being a lemon. I love the advice to step away from the addict. Need to remember that!!

lightseeker

this is just a tough time - no other way around it. Nothing is "normal"...the only thing that is normal is the setting on a washing machine.

So many times when I have watched Intervention and seen how happy the family is I have thought "the real work hasn't even begun". Early sobriety just can't be figured out....busy, not busy, etc. The only thing that you can do is work your own program. It will keep your mind on you and not him.

I know that one of the things that helped me the most to work the same program that I hoped that my husband was working. No excuses. Today, I'm really glad that I held myself accountable.........

Sending you love and warm thought during this really confusing time....

mayabee

Post- rehab is a very challenging time for the addict & the family. In rehab there is so much going on- counseling sessions, group sessions, going to meetings, lots of sharing - it is very intense. Losing that structure can be difficult & sounds like your AH is trying to come up with ways to fill up his schedule.

A lot of this behavior sounds similar to my son when he first got out of rehab and into sober living but wasn't yet back at work. For him, keeping busy was key - he went to several meetings a day, went out to eat and for coffee with sober friends, was constantly out and about going to bookstores, coffee houses, etc., not to mention doing lots of driving going to & fro. I think he was afraid to slow down for fear that boredom would lead him back to using. He also was very impulsive - especially when it came to shopping- he even said his buying was addict behavior and left his credit cards at our house so he wouldn't go overboard. He's been out of rehab for 6 months, had moved into his own place & has been back at work for 5 months. Still keeps busy with meetings and friends but the manic behavior seems to have settled down a lot.