AD is back at it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 112
AD is back at it
Hello,
Shortly after I posted my positive report in the Parent Check-In thread, my daughter decided to bring drugs into the Teen Challenge house, and not only use but "share" with another student. In a nutshell, our AD (DOC heroin) has left the program and is now taking summer classes at the university. She has housing in the dorms for the summer and she is using again. She will not admit it... but I know.
Part of me feels we need to go no contact at this point and yet another part senses death crouching at her door, poised for the kill... and if that is the case I just want to drive over to her, hold her close, and tell her I love her.
Is that sick? It shouldn't be... I am her mother. And she is walking a path that leads to death. Everything feels so upside down right now. I know I will find that place of peace in the storm again... and I know how to do that but right now... I just need to hear your words of support, experience... or whatever, please.
Shortly after I posted my positive report in the Parent Check-In thread, my daughter decided to bring drugs into the Teen Challenge house, and not only use but "share" with another student. In a nutshell, our AD (DOC heroin) has left the program and is now taking summer classes at the university. She has housing in the dorms for the summer and she is using again. She will not admit it... but I know.
Part of me feels we need to go no contact at this point and yet another part senses death crouching at her door, poised for the kill... and if that is the case I just want to drive over to her, hold her close, and tell her I love her.
Is that sick? It shouldn't be... I am her mother. And she is walking a path that leads to death. Everything feels so upside down right now. I know I will find that place of peace in the storm again... and I know how to do that but right now... I just need to hear your words of support, experience... or whatever, please.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Sorry to hear that. I know that you are disappointed and devestated. But I'm sure she obtained some recovery tools while at rehab. It's just a matter of being ready to put them to use.
Who's paying for the classes and the housing?
Who's paying for the classes and the housing?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I'm sorry, Hope.
The first hard-core drug I got into after I left home was heroin.
I was pretty much a buffet addict; whatever was available I did.
Then I found crystal meth and that was the beginning of the end.
I know you hurt for her. I'd be tickled as snot if my AD even entertained a brief stint in recovery, but that hasn't happened.
Know this momma of an addict sends big hugs to you!
The first hard-core drug I got into after I left home was heroin.
I was pretty much a buffet addict; whatever was available I did.
Then I found crystal meth and that was the beginning of the end.
I know you hurt for her. I'd be tickled as snot if my AD even entertained a brief stint in recovery, but that hasn't happened.
Know this momma of an addict sends big hugs to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by hello-kitty 
Sorry to hear that. I know that you are disappointed and devestated. But I'm sure she obtained some recovery tools while at rehab. It's just a matter of being ready to put them to use.
Who's paying for the classes and the housing?
Who's paying for the classes and the housing?
Yankee
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 183
I am sending my thoughts and good vibes your way as well as your daughters way.
I am glad to hear that you are not supporting her financially and that she took out a loan for her classes. It is hard to cut off financial support, I had to cut off my addict/alcoholic brother and that was hard as heck. So kudos for you.
Maybe going to no contact and working on you might help the anxiety? I know it has helped me more than I could imagine. Once I got past the feeling that I was being selfish...I dove right in and have been no contact with my ex/addict fiance for 4 months now. Now when I think of him, or when I miss him....I close my eyes and I send him Love & Light & Encouragement....and then I drop it! (I got that from a movie)
I'll stop ranting on, I hope that there was something I said that helped a little. Take care of you!
I am glad to hear that you are not supporting her financially and that she took out a loan for her classes. It is hard to cut off financial support, I had to cut off my addict/alcoholic brother and that was hard as heck. So kudos for you.
Maybe going to no contact and working on you might help the anxiety? I know it has helped me more than I could imagine. Once I got past the feeling that I was being selfish...I dove right in and have been no contact with my ex/addict fiance for 4 months now. Now when I think of him, or when I miss him....I close my eyes and I send him Love & Light & Encouragement....and then I drop it! (I got that from a movie)
I'll stop ranting on, I hope that there was something I said that helped a little. Take care of you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
When my AD was using in college, she got into trouble with the school for drugs and was forced to avail herself of the university counseling service which included therapists and a psychiatrist. I can't say it was extremely helpful with my D's addiction but she was treated for her depression/anxiety and it helped her to graduate.
It is possible that your D's school has counseling services that she can use. If she wants/needs to use them, it is always possible that counseling services could help her.
It is possible that your D's school has counseling services that she can use. If she wants/needs to use them, it is always possible that counseling services could help her.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Hope
I understand how you feel. Been there. Just offering lots of gentle hugs from one Mom to another. They will always be our children no matter how old they are and it's very difficult to watch them continue to make bad decisions.
I keep telling myself.....there is no purpose in fearing that which you cannot control....or the fear controls you.
Your daughter will be in my prayers today. And I'll pray that you can find serenity. If I could, I'd invite you over for a cup of tea.
gentle hugs
ke
I understand how you feel. Been there. Just offering lots of gentle hugs from one Mom to another. They will always be our children no matter how old they are and it's very difficult to watch them continue to make bad decisions.
I keep telling myself.....there is no purpose in fearing that which you cannot control....or the fear controls you.
Your daughter will be in my prayers today. And I'll pray that you can find serenity. If I could, I'd invite you over for a cup of tea.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Ahhhhhh Hope,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your daughter. The addict in my life is my husband and I can only begin to imagine it all from a mother's perspective.
I've heard addicts in recovery say that once you have some recovery it's never the same again. My husband had several bouts of rehabs before he was able to put it all into practice. Each piece built on the one below it.
Sending you lots of love and prayers.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your daughter. The addict in my life is my husband and I can only begin to imagine it all from a mother's perspective.
I've heard addicts in recovery say that once you have some recovery it's never the same again. My husband had several bouts of rehabs before he was able to put it all into practice. Each piece built on the one below it.
Sending you lots of love and prayers.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm so sorry, Hope, I know this feels like a kick in the stomach. This is when we get to dust off all our recovery tools and try out the ones that have sat for a while.
Keeping your daughter in my prayers.
Hugs
Keeping your daughter in my prayers.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 112
Thank you all. It's been such a hard day and your words have helped. Also a good cry in which I believe I discovered the root of my anxiety and sudden imbalance. It is the fear of her death. For some reason I am feeling it more acutely than ever and the fact that she has a single room (and no roommate to call 911) does not comfort me.
EJG - thank you for mentioning the university counseling services. This has not crossed my mind and I will mention it to my daughter when I feel it's the right time.
Lightseeker - it is encouraging to hear how it is never the same once there has been some time spent in recovery. Thank you for that. I am confident good things were happening for her there. She was working so hard... I will never forget the Saturday we visited her and she broke down in tears of joy for how happy she felt - a happiness and freedom she had not felt in ever so long.
Kindeyes - I like your quote about control. I am learning to trust in God's control but still struggle with thinking I can "help" Him out. I am not convinced that I can't, or that He wants me out of the picture completely, or that perhaps something I say or do might not nudge her in a more positive direction (i.e. back on the road to recovery).
It poured out during my cry tonight that IF she is to die from this addiction I will not be sitting in my grief thinking, "Well it's a good thing I detached... she could have died a whole lot sooner had I not." I will be thinking, "Why did I not BE with her more, TALK with her more..." and I will wish with all my strength that I could have another chance.
I am praying for wisdom... it is so needed right now. I am also taking Miss Tara's advice to take care of me. Trying not to let my daughter dominate my thoughts... it is so difficult though, when someone we love is struggling so. I wonder if SHE feels she is struggling, or is she just happy to be using again?
It is not for me to know right now....
Again, thanks to all.
Peace and blessings,
Hope
EJG - thank you for mentioning the university counseling services. This has not crossed my mind and I will mention it to my daughter when I feel it's the right time.
Lightseeker - it is encouraging to hear how it is never the same once there has been some time spent in recovery. Thank you for that. I am confident good things were happening for her there. She was working so hard... I will never forget the Saturday we visited her and she broke down in tears of joy for how happy she felt - a happiness and freedom she had not felt in ever so long.
Kindeyes - I like your quote about control. I am learning to trust in God's control but still struggle with thinking I can "help" Him out. I am not convinced that I can't, or that He wants me out of the picture completely, or that perhaps something I say or do might not nudge her in a more positive direction (i.e. back on the road to recovery).
It poured out during my cry tonight that IF she is to die from this addiction I will not be sitting in my grief thinking, "Well it's a good thing I detached... she could have died a whole lot sooner had I not." I will be thinking, "Why did I not BE with her more, TALK with her more..." and I will wish with all my strength that I could have another chance.
I am praying for wisdom... it is so needed right now. I am also taking Miss Tara's advice to take care of me. Trying not to let my daughter dominate my thoughts... it is so difficult though, when someone we love is struggling so. I wonder if SHE feels she is struggling, or is she just happy to be using again?
It is not for me to know right now....
Again, thanks to all.
Peace and blessings,
Hope
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
Hope - i just want to add my prayers for you and your daughter - this is such a difficult journey whether we jump and do something (whether we should or not) or detach completely it affects us to the core of our being because when the addict is our child our heart is with them no matter what - i will pray that you have wisdom in your decisions as you deal with your daughter and i will pray that your daughter uses the tools she has learned in rehab - hugs and blessings to you
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
