Step son is coming home from rehab on Friday...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2
Step son is coming home from rehab on Friday...
Hey everyone, I'm new here...my step son has been in rehab and is due to come home this Friday. My question is, is there anything we should do to prepare at home? We've cleaned out his car and his bedroom to be sure there aren't any remaining drugs he may come across but that's really all we've been able to think of....any thoughts?
TIA
TIA
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 15
Hi WorriedStepMom,
I can related to your concern and worry. My AS is coming home from his first 28 day rehab stay, tomorrow. I painted his room and his bathroom, cleaned out all paraphenalia, and changed his phone number.
On Sunday we went over his Home Contract with specifics about curfew, responsibilities, expectations. We will sign it tomorrow night before bringing him home.
I am hoping for the best, but pray to god I'm prepared for the worst.
Good luck to you!
I can related to your concern and worry. My AS is coming home from his first 28 day rehab stay, tomorrow. I painted his room and his bathroom, cleaned out all paraphenalia, and changed his phone number.
On Sunday we went over his Home Contract with specifics about curfew, responsibilities, expectations. We will sign it tomorrow night before bringing him home.
I am hoping for the best, but pray to god I'm prepared for the worst.
Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
BOUNDARIES, for yourself, regarding what behavior you will and will not accept in your house, and the CONSEQUENCES you will enforce if your boundaries are violated.
hint - boundaries are "I" statements.
Also, I strongly suggest looking into Al-anon meetings in your area - Al-anon a support group for friends and families of alcoholics and drug addicts.
hint - boundaries are "I" statements.
Also, I strongly suggest looking into Al-anon meetings in your area - Al-anon a support group for friends and families of alcoholics and drug addicts.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Actually you both have time to look into a Sober Living Environment and NOT have them live at home.
A SLE will allow them to slowly work back into everyday living, sober, with others of their ilk. SLE's have rules and curfews, and privileges must be earned. They also MUST do their 'share' of household chores, from dusting, to mopping floors, to vacuuming, to cleaning bathrooms, to cooking, etc. They are required to attend X number of meetings per week. All of this and more is in the 'contract' they sign.
Not only does an SLE allow parents to NOT become the Sobriety Police, but gives the parents a better relationship with their child. And yes, one of the requirements is to get a job.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
A SLE will allow them to slowly work back into everyday living, sober, with others of their ilk. SLE's have rules and curfews, and privileges must be earned. They also MUST do their 'share' of household chores, from dusting, to mopping floors, to vacuuming, to cleaning bathrooms, to cooking, etc. They are required to attend X number of meetings per week. All of this and more is in the 'contract' they sign.
Not only does an SLE allow parents to NOT become the Sobriety Police, but gives the parents a better relationship with their child. And yes, one of the requirements is to get a job.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
I am also on board with the sober living environment option.
You have time to talk to his counselor at the rehab. Your stepson may need to sign papers giving that permission. But this counselor may have already been advising your stepson on some other living arrangement. Tap into that. My assumption here is that the counselor knows what is best for your stepson - more than what you think is best and more than what your stepson thinks is best.
You have time to talk to his counselor at the rehab. Your stepson may need to sign papers giving that permission. But this counselor may have already been advising your stepson on some other living arrangement. Tap into that. My assumption here is that the counselor knows what is best for your stepson - more than what you think is best and more than what your stepson thinks is best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your step son.
I will share my own experience rather than advise you to do anything. My AS has been through two out patient and two in patient rehabs. The last time, I truly thought he had a good chance at sobriety because, in my opinion, he had hit bottom. My opinion doesn't matter though. Against my better judgement, after the last in patient program, we allowed him to come to live in our home. He relapsed fairly quickly and we were faced with having to ask him to move out as we had only one stipulation--he had to remain clean and sober and work a program.
He may be older than your step son--he is 29. I do feel that we did what we did because it's what we felt we should do and that's how we learn. Experience is a very good teacher.
Needless to say, his disease is continuing to progress and that bottom that I thought he had hit.......he's passed that by and is on his way to a new bottom.
20/20 hindsight and experience that I will utilize if I ever get a chance in the future? He will never be allowed to live with us again. It wasn't a good for us and it wasn't good for his recovery.
Again, this is all just sharing my experience. Take what you need and leave the rest.
gentle hugs
ke
I will share my own experience rather than advise you to do anything. My AS has been through two out patient and two in patient rehabs. The last time, I truly thought he had a good chance at sobriety because, in my opinion, he had hit bottom. My opinion doesn't matter though. Against my better judgement, after the last in patient program, we allowed him to come to live in our home. He relapsed fairly quickly and we were faced with having to ask him to move out as we had only one stipulation--he had to remain clean and sober and work a program.
He may be older than your step son--he is 29. I do feel that we did what we did because it's what we felt we should do and that's how we learn. Experience is a very good teacher.
Needless to say, his disease is continuing to progress and that bottom that I thought he had hit.......he's passed that by and is on his way to a new bottom.
20/20 hindsight and experience that I will utilize if I ever get a chance in the future? He will never be allowed to live with us again. It wasn't a good for us and it wasn't good for his recovery.
Again, this is all just sharing my experience. Take what you need and leave the rest.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
I read a book called "Beautiful Boy: A father's journey through his son's addiction". (Amazon.com)
The son in the book went to rehab a few times. The author/father provides "things i wish i'd known/things i'd do differently" in the book. You may want to read it/ listen to it.
best of luck.
The son in the book went to rehab a few times. The author/father provides "things i wish i'd known/things i'd do differently" in the book. You may want to read it/ listen to it.
best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 134
I want to chime in with all the sober living environment advocates. My son came home last August after 18 months of incarceration. The whole time he was locked up we maintained contact through visits, phone calls and letters. When he came home he immediately got a job, full time with benefits. He attended church with the family, started a bible study group here in our home and was fully accepting of the boundaries put in place. I thought his addiction would just be a painful part of his story and ours. After 8 months he relapsed. We confronted him and were grateful to have caught it early. He immediately began going to NA meetings every day. It happened to coincide with a family trip out of state, so he went with us and seemed to be fine for the ten days we were out of town. As soon as we came home he began to use again. We were naive and didn't realize for a couple of weeks. Suffice to say there was quite a bit of drama that included an enabling girlfriend.
He is now in a sober living environment. He managed to hold on to his job during the chaos which is a blessing. I used to give him a ride to and from work, now he has a bike and rides about 3 hours a day to and from. I realize now that he probably should have been in a SLE from day one. He will never live here again. There are just too many emotions, triggers, temptations etc.. I have told him that I will always love him, pray for him, and as long as he is taking steps towards sobriety I will help as God leads. The peace I have with him gone is long overdue, truth is there are very few situations where having an addict in the home is healthy for anyone
He is now in a sober living environment. He managed to hold on to his job during the chaos which is a blessing. I used to give him a ride to and from work, now he has a bike and rides about 3 hours a day to and from. I realize now that he probably should have been in a SLE from day one. He will never live here again. There are just too many emotions, triggers, temptations etc.. I have told him that I will always love him, pray for him, and as long as he is taking steps towards sobriety I will help as God leads. The peace I have with him gone is long overdue, truth is there are very few situations where having an addict in the home is healthy for anyone
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Hi Worried, my experience with this is DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO COME BACK HOME. If it is too late, because you already told him he could, then you must have boundaries in place.
Meetings are a must. Probably 30 meetings in 30 days. After that, maybe a couple a week.
They come home and all is well for a couple of days, but then all of a sudden its back to the old friends, the old habits, etc. This is definitely where boundaries are necessary. The bad part is, who wants to play policewoman all the time?
Best thing for everyone is for him to go into a sober-living environment where he can surround himself with sober people and attend meetings each day.
My son will never be allowed back in my home again.
Stick to your boundaries! Good luck
Hugs, Devastated
Meetings are a must. Probably 30 meetings in 30 days. After that, maybe a couple a week.
They come home and all is well for a couple of days, but then all of a sudden its back to the old friends, the old habits, etc. This is definitely where boundaries are necessary. The bad part is, who wants to play policewoman all the time?
Best thing for everyone is for him to go into a sober-living environment where he can surround himself with sober people and attend meetings each day.
My son will never be allowed back in my home again.
Stick to your boundaries! Good luck
Hugs, Devastated
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to s.r... there is not alot you can do to prepare for him. set boundries in cement. do not let him get away with anything that u do not approve of. your house, your rules. let him know that you do love him & are there for him as long as he is doing the right things. he has got to prove himself. lots of time the addict will come home & really want to do the right things but do not know how. you can tell him but he has to do things himself. keep coming back & let us know how things are going.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Ah yes....I remember being up to my elbows in duct work, playing detective mom in preparation for my daughter's return home. Had a nice little contract, too. She relapsed within hours.
This was the stub of my own realization that ABSOLUTELY nothing I could do was going to prevent or cause a relapse. I am not that powerful. None of us are.
Continuing to learn the skills of living life on life's terms, without substance, is best done in a SLE, not the parent's home.
Who wants to be a warden?
This was the stub of my own realization that ABSOLUTELY nothing I could do was going to prevent or cause a relapse. I am not that powerful. None of us are.
Continuing to learn the skills of living life on life's terms, without substance, is best done in a SLE, not the parent's home.
Who wants to be a warden?
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