If you pray
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
@tjp613, that's why I feel pretty much numb. We've been through this before. This is his 3rd rehab though the first he actually choose to enter and it's a long program - it could be up to a year or more.
I just know we have no clue what their outcomes will be, so I've given up on riding the roller coaster and decided I'll be okay whatever happens. I'm grateful he's someplace safe and that he's clean right now.
I just know we have no clue what their outcomes will be, so I've given up on riding the roller coaster and decided I'll be okay whatever happens. I'm grateful he's someplace safe and that he's clean right now.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sis, the fact he chose this is a good sign, the fact it is long term is even a better sign. The longer the program the better the odds of a strong recovery...although most programs are about as good as the resident's willingness to work it.
Just wanted to send a hug and tell you that I keep you and your family in my prayers every day.
Hugs
Just wanted to send a hug and tell you that I keep you and your family in my prayers every day.
Hugs
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
I saw my brother for a little while last night and again today. Last night I attended a meeting with him. Today I picked him up, along with his roommate.
He seems to be doing well. He's moved up in the program to the point where he's in a room with just one other person instead of in a big dorm. He's actually in a room that was donated by the woman that helped him over the summer... what a neat thing for both of them.
I did a hard thing today... he had someone call and ask me to come right away, to a place where they go for meetings, not the rehab. I went and waited for 20+ minutes, getting madder by the minute. and then, I LEFT! It was the hardest thing to do, but I decided if he didn't have more consideration for my time, I wasn't going to wait. He had someone else call a while later (he isn't allowed to use a cell phone) and I was eating breakfast so I didn't answer. He tried again awhile later and after making it clear I was not interested in being treated that way, I agreed to come back. He had excuses, shabby but typical in my opinion. "I was looking for you out back." I explained that if I called someone to pick me up, especially at a place they'd never been before, I'd be waiting out front, not hanging out back expecting them to be telepathic. I also realized there was no sense being mad. He's an addict. I just have to stick to my own boundaries instead of expecting him to behave like a sober and respectful person. Maybe one day he will get it, but if he doesn't it will no longer be because I let him get away with treating me poorly.
He seems to be doing well. He's moved up in the program to the point where he's in a room with just one other person instead of in a big dorm. He's actually in a room that was donated by the woman that helped him over the summer... what a neat thing for both of them.
I did a hard thing today... he had someone call and ask me to come right away, to a place where they go for meetings, not the rehab. I went and waited for 20+ minutes, getting madder by the minute. and then, I LEFT! It was the hardest thing to do, but I decided if he didn't have more consideration for my time, I wasn't going to wait. He had someone else call a while later (he isn't allowed to use a cell phone) and I was eating breakfast so I didn't answer. He tried again awhile later and after making it clear I was not interested in being treated that way, I agreed to come back. He had excuses, shabby but typical in my opinion. "I was looking for you out back." I explained that if I called someone to pick me up, especially at a place they'd never been before, I'd be waiting out front, not hanging out back expecting them to be telepathic. I also realized there was no sense being mad. He's an addict. I just have to stick to my own boundaries instead of expecting him to behave like a sober and respectful person. Maybe one day he will get it, but if he doesn't it will no longer be because I let him get away with treating me poorly.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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I spent a little time with my brother on Wed night. He is doing so well and I wanted to share a little hope with my friends here.
I had some of his winter coats for him because he's in a program that requires him to "trudge" about 4 miles daily. He had someone call me and asked for a ride to a meeting (he can't use a cellphone and saves his calling card for his sponsor)- he's in a phase of his program that requires him to attend as many off-site meetings as possible. Often he has to take a "client" (someone newer in the program) with him. When I got there he asked me in a nice way if I minded giving a few others a ride, too. I told him to pile as many into the car as we could fit.
He's working hard and he was very sincere - full of gratitude and also hope. He asked me to stay for the meeting so I did. He spoke about our summer and how much his family has helped him despite what he's put us through. I know my brother well, can see when he's manipulating and when he's sincere. It was a really positive experience. He told me he doesn't want to take anything from us any longer, and he's working hard to make it on his own. He did let me buy him coffee - his turn right now to be on the crew that gets up at 3:30AM and cook for the 90 residents of the house.
I gave the guys a ride home, too. They can walk, but appreciate a ride now and then. They have a brotherhood in the program, and their bonds to one another are visible. They call each other out when needed, cook and clean and do laundry for one another. It's a program that just seems different from the others he attended. As they move forward in the program, they gain more autonomy. They are given opportunities to make choices and that's good, in my opinion. If they mess up, they can always come back and start over, - in scrubs which most go out of their way to avoid.
I saw my brother - my real brother, that night. The one that I love and admire, the one that was like a father to me when ours wasn't around. And I experienced a great deal of gratitude and hope for the future.
I know this is a rollercoaster, as I've said before. I know there will still be hard times but when the good ones come around I choose to revel in them.
Prayers to all of you riding this ride, too. Very grateful we have this space to share.
I had some of his winter coats for him because he's in a program that requires him to "trudge" about 4 miles daily. He had someone call me and asked for a ride to a meeting (he can't use a cellphone and saves his calling card for his sponsor)- he's in a phase of his program that requires him to attend as many off-site meetings as possible. Often he has to take a "client" (someone newer in the program) with him. When I got there he asked me in a nice way if I minded giving a few others a ride, too. I told him to pile as many into the car as we could fit.
He's working hard and he was very sincere - full of gratitude and also hope. He asked me to stay for the meeting so I did. He spoke about our summer and how much his family has helped him despite what he's put us through. I know my brother well, can see when he's manipulating and when he's sincere. It was a really positive experience. He told me he doesn't want to take anything from us any longer, and he's working hard to make it on his own. He did let me buy him coffee - his turn right now to be on the crew that gets up at 3:30AM and cook for the 90 residents of the house.
I gave the guys a ride home, too. They can walk, but appreciate a ride now and then. They have a brotherhood in the program, and their bonds to one another are visible. They call each other out when needed, cook and clean and do laundry for one another. It's a program that just seems different from the others he attended. As they move forward in the program, they gain more autonomy. They are given opportunities to make choices and that's good, in my opinion. If they mess up, they can always come back and start over, - in scrubs which most go out of their way to avoid.
I saw my brother - my real brother, that night. The one that I love and admire, the one that was like a father to me when ours wasn't around. And I experienced a great deal of gratitude and hope for the future.
I know this is a rollercoaster, as I've said before. I know there will still be hard times but when the good ones come around I choose to revel in them.
Prayers to all of you riding this ride, too. Very grateful we have this space to share.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Lost a long post!
Well - the gist is that things are going well right now. Bro is obviously working hard and his attitude seemed very different to me when I saw him this week. Accepting his responsibility for his situation and very hopeful about the future. I attended a meeting with him and enjoyed the experience.
He also expressed gratitude for the support he has from his family, and told me he wants to make it on his own instead of looking to us constantly for financial help.
Hope all of your loved ones are safe today. Thank you all for being here and for your prayers and support. You are in mine as well.
Well - the gist is that things are going well right now. Bro is obviously working hard and his attitude seemed very different to me when I saw him this week. Accepting his responsibility for his situation and very hopeful about the future. I attended a meeting with him and enjoyed the experience.
He also expressed gratitude for the support he has from his family, and told me he wants to make it on his own instead of looking to us constantly for financial help.
Hope all of your loved ones are safe today. Thank you all for being here and for your prayers and support. You are in mine as well.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I can hear the relief in your voice, Hanna and I am so glad things are going well for him, and also for you.
Keeping your brother in my prayers that he can stay on this good path and find a happy life sober.
Hugs
Keeping your brother in my prayers that he can stay on this good path and find a happy life sober.
Hugs
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Thanks Ann! And right back at ya!
I am feeling good right now. I saw my brother - the real one. The one that I love and admire and enjoy being around. The man that was like a father to me when ours was not around. It gave me a great deal of renewed hope.
And I know that doesn't mean everything will always be ok - but I want to revel in the good times and shore up for the rough ones.
He's in a great program. It's a community of 90 men- they cook and clean for one another and they look out for each other, call one another out when needed. He said it's really tough, "Just like life!" He seems so different from last time - he came out of the last program so institutionalized but in this one it's designed to be like real life. I've met a number of the other participants and stayed for their meeting. They experience a great deal of consequences and re-learn what cause and effect means.
He talked about his options for the future - if he stays in the program for a year he'll get a year of rent when he leaves. But he said he really hoped he'd be able to stand on his own two feet sooner than that. Wow! Options!
I am feeling good right now. I saw my brother - the real one. The one that I love and admire and enjoy being around. The man that was like a father to me when ours was not around. It gave me a great deal of renewed hope.
And I know that doesn't mean everything will always be ok - but I want to revel in the good times and shore up for the rough ones.
He's in a great program. It's a community of 90 men- they cook and clean for one another and they look out for each other, call one another out when needed. He said it's really tough, "Just like life!" He seems so different from last time - he came out of the last program so institutionalized but in this one it's designed to be like real life. I've met a number of the other participants and stayed for their meeting. They experience a great deal of consequences and re-learn what cause and effect means.
He talked about his options for the future - if he stays in the program for a year he'll get a year of rent when he leaves. But he said he really hoped he'd be able to stand on his own two feet sooner than that. Wow! Options!
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Update
My brother has been clean for 17 months. He's active in a wonderful community of recovery. He strives to be of service to others.
He is constantly learning and growing, and we share what we learn with one another. We are very close and it such a treasure to have this relationship.
Best of all, he has hope and happiness. In the past months I have seen him deal with disappointment, heartbreak and difficult consequences with grace and understanding.
When I reflect on where he was and see how far he has come I know that anything is possible. I am now working toward learning that my own happiness cannot depend on what is happening in the lives of those I love.
Thank you SR community for always being here during the difficult times and the joyous ones. I have not been around much but the people here are never far from my thoughts.
- Hanna
He is constantly learning and growing, and we share what we learn with one another. We are very close and it such a treasure to have this relationship.
Best of all, he has hope and happiness. In the past months I have seen him deal with disappointment, heartbreak and difficult consequences with grace and understanding.
When I reflect on where he was and see how far he has come I know that anything is possible. I am now working toward learning that my own happiness cannot depend on what is happening in the lives of those I love.
Thank you SR community for always being here during the difficult times and the joyous ones. I have not been around much but the people here are never far from my thoughts.
- Hanna
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Originally Posted by Chino 
Your brother and you, your family are in my prayers. Please be kind to yourself and remember to breathe.
Chino,
Thank you so much for this. It sounds so simple, but I have remembered this advice from you (and given it as well) during some of the most difficult times.
- Hanna
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 167
When I reflect on where he was and see how far he has come I know that anything is possible. I am now working toward learning that my own happiness cannot depend on what is happening in the lives of those I love.
Your brother HAS come a long way--and it sounds like you have, too. Thanks for sharing your journey in real time.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
This is simply wonderful news. Thank you for sharing!
I've often wondered if the journey of our loved ones is/was necessary for them to learn some important lessons that they wouldn't have learned otherwise.
I've said it here a thousand times, I can never be grateful that my son is a drug addict, but I will be eternally grateful for the lessons I have learned and the people I have met as a direct result of his addiction.
You and your dear brother will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
I've often wondered if the journey of our loved ones is/was necessary for them to learn some important lessons that they wouldn't have learned otherwise.
I've said it here a thousand times, I can never be grateful that my son is a drug addict, but I will be eternally grateful for the lessons I have learned and the people I have met as a direct result of his addiction.
You and your dear brother will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes
This is simply wonderful news. Thank you for sharing!
I've often wondered if the journey of our loved ones is/was necessary for them to learn some important lessons that they wouldn't have learned otherwise.
I've said it here a thousand times, I can never be grateful that my son is a drug addict, but I will be eternally grateful for the lessons I have learned and the people I have met as a direct result of his addiction.
You and your dear brother will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
I've often wondered if the journey of our loved ones is/was necessary for them to learn some important lessons that they wouldn't have learned otherwise.
I've said it here a thousand times, I can never be grateful that my son is a drug addict, but I will be eternally grateful for the lessons I have learned and the people I have met as a direct result of his addiction.
You and your dear brother will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
The greatest lesson I have learned in the last few years is echoed in Step 1. My own life always feels out of control when I forget that I'm not actually in control nor am I supposed to be. When I remember that, everything is okay again and miracles happen. I told my brother recently that this process, being emotionally healthy, reminds me of the phrase "getting in shape". You can't just excerise to "get in shape" and then quit, you have to keep taking care of yourself so you can stay there. I still have a great deal of work to do for me on that count.
I, too, will never be grateful that our loved ones suffer like this - but also do have tremendous gratitude for finding the help of others, the community and especially for all the growth that enables each of us to go forward. The empathy we all share is, to me, a great healing balm, both in receiving it from others and being able to give to those in deep pain. At times, when I've had the opportunity to give to someone in great need, it has been the one thing that made it all bearable and even seems possible that it was the purpose of my experiences.
Thank you so much for all of your kind words and prayers. Hugs and prayers for you and your son as well.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
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Prayers heading your way. I know what addiction can do to family.
I will pray for your Dad too that he has the strength to carry on.
My son has been clean for almost 2 years now. He used for 35 years. Destroyed his life numerous times, but now has risen from the ashes once again. He is now married and happy in his new life.
Hang in there, don't give up. I hung in there for 35 years.
prayers heading your way.
Devastated
I will pray for your Dad too that he has the strength to carry on.
My son has been clean for almost 2 years now. He used for 35 years. Destroyed his life numerous times, but now has risen from the ashes once again. He is now married and happy in his new life.
Hang in there, don't give up. I hung in there for 35 years.
prayers heading your way.
Devastated
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