Am I doing the right thing?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 5
Am I doing the right thing?
I posted here a few weeks ago about my wife's pill (oxy/norco) addiction.
She had used up most of her prescription, and I held her pills and she got
Through till she got refilled by the pain doc. The plan was for me to give her
The prescribed dose only then start weaning, however she told me she didn't need me to hold her script and every time I asked she said she was on schedule.
Anyway I see now that she only has 1/3 of her norco left if past months are an indication she will finish the norco then double or triple her oxycontin to hit 150-250 mg/day. Then she will run out. In the past she has gone to the ER begged from family members etc. She has not really experienced the consequences of her problem. My understanding is that I'm supposed to let her experience them without enabling.
My question is: should I more forcibly take her meds or let her run out and see what happens. I'm a little scared, the last time she got meds from the ER they called her pcp. I'm not really sure what she's going to do, any advise?
She had used up most of her prescription, and I held her pills and she got
Through till she got refilled by the pain doc. The plan was for me to give her
The prescribed dose only then start weaning, however she told me she didn't need me to hold her script and every time I asked she said she was on schedule.
Anyway I see now that she only has 1/3 of her norco left if past months are an indication she will finish the norco then double or triple her oxycontin to hit 150-250 mg/day. Then she will run out. In the past she has gone to the ER begged from family members etc. She has not really experienced the consequences of her problem. My understanding is that I'm supposed to let her experience them without enabling.
My question is: should I more forcibly take her meds or let her run out and see what happens. I'm a little scared, the last time she got meds from the ER they called her pcp. I'm not really sure what she's going to do, any advise?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 5
Let's try that again, sorry for the confusion. I confiscated her pills when I found out she had burned through most of her scripts yet again. I told her I was going to make her get off pills CT. She bargained me into giving her enough to make it to her appt, with a promise to cut back to her prescribed dose. She claimed she wasn't quite ready to stop. I begged and begged her to stop offered to hold the pills help her wean take off work to help her through w/d's etc.
After reading here, and elsewhere it seems I'm not really supposed to impose my will on the addiction. So when she told me she wasn't going to give me the pills, I said ok. I've just been keeping better tabs and she's going to burn through them, again.
Am I supposed to let that happen and then let the consequences ensue like fake ER trips or whatever she would do for more drug we have had huge fights when she's run out in the past. Somehow I've always caved and allowed her to go to the doc, ER, family member etc.
With multiple scripts and multiple docs and ER's and the ER realizing what she's doing. I'm afraid the next call wouldn't be to pcp but to DEA, maybe that's irrational.
I want her to quit I don't want to enable her anymore, but don't want her in trouble with the law. I want what's best for her/ us, but it's hard to imagine letting her get herself into trouble.
I hope that clears things up a bit. This is all new to me and sometimes the words come out like diarrhea and don't make sense. Thanks for your patience.
After reading here, and elsewhere it seems I'm not really supposed to impose my will on the addiction. So when she told me she wasn't going to give me the pills, I said ok. I've just been keeping better tabs and she's going to burn through them, again.
Am I supposed to let that happen and then let the consequences ensue like fake ER trips or whatever she would do for more drug we have had huge fights when she's run out in the past. Somehow I've always caved and allowed her to go to the doc, ER, family member etc.
With multiple scripts and multiple docs and ER's and the ER realizing what she's doing. I'm afraid the next call wouldn't be to pcp but to DEA, maybe that's irrational.
I want her to quit I don't want to enable her anymore, but don't want her in trouble with the law. I want what's best for her/ us, but it's hard to imagine letting her get herself into trouble.
I hope that clears things up a bit. This is all new to me and sometimes the words come out like diarrhea and don't make sense. Thanks for your patience.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Have you talked to her doctor? They don't have to talk to you, but you can inform them of your concern.
As for the rest, that would be where you let her take responsibility for herself and you get out of her way.
As for the rest, that would be where you let her take responsibility for herself and you get out of her way.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Well, first off I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
You do understand that this is a progressive disease and that without a solid recovery program, which she embraces, she will not get better. Even if she gets clean and stays clean, she will be an addict for life. There is no cure for this disease, her addictive nature will prevail throughout her entire life.
With that said, you are not helping her by trying to control her drugs, you are accomplishing nothing, she will figure a way around you, addicts always do.
It may take getting arrested for her to reach her bottom. It does work for some, others like my exabf, no, it was not his bottom, infact he still has not reached it.
Take some time to attend meetings, read Codependent No More, her disease has tenacles that reach far and wide, you need to work on you, you need to get well.
Her problem is her problem to solve, there is nothing you can do, it will run its course.
Read others posts, lots of people here who are going thru or have gone thru exactly what you are. We are here for you.
You do understand that this is a progressive disease and that without a solid recovery program, which she embraces, she will not get better. Even if she gets clean and stays clean, she will be an addict for life. There is no cure for this disease, her addictive nature will prevail throughout her entire life.
With that said, you are not helping her by trying to control her drugs, you are accomplishing nothing, she will figure a way around you, addicts always do.
It may take getting arrested for her to reach her bottom. It does work for some, others like my exabf, no, it was not his bottom, infact he still has not reached it.
Take some time to attend meetings, read Codependent No More, her disease has tenacles that reach far and wide, you need to work on you, you need to get well.
Her problem is her problem to solve, there is nothing you can do, it will run its course.
Read others posts, lots of people here who are going thru or have gone thru exactly what you are. We are here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 5
I have talked to her doc. She gave her info about recovery programs but she just pocketed those and left no real follow-up. I guess I know what I'm supposed to do, it's just hard. I've kept my share of secrets from her (financial, not drug). I do feel a little responsible for increasing her stress but she was taking before all that too. This board is great to release tension. Sorry if I ramble though.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I come in here because I have an alcoholic Father, who thankfully, has finally found recovery. I'm a recovering pain pill addict and I can tell you that what dollydo is right on the money.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 362
Chi, I'm glad you're here. Hopefully you will stay and read the posts that other people have shared based on their personal experience with problems similar to yours. The first thing I learned here was to focus on ME and getting myself in a healthy place. You absolutely cannot control another person's addiction. The only thing you can do is change your reaction to it. It's hard to accept at first, but it is such a relief once it sets in. Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi. Welcome. I'd recommend telling yourself over and over and over:
Her pills, her problem. She needs to figure it out.
You didn't cause her addiction.
You can't control her addiction.
You can't cure her addiction.
You have to let HER deal with it, and whatever the consequences are. That's how a person recovers.
In the meantime, you can deal with your problem. Which may be figuring out how to stay out of her problem. Working your own recovery program can help with that - Al-anon, Nar-anon, posting here, a book called Co-dependent No More... all are great starting points.
Her pills, her problem. She needs to figure it out.
You didn't cause her addiction.
You can't control her addiction.
You can't cure her addiction.
You have to let HER deal with it, and whatever the consequences are. That's how a person recovers.
In the meantime, you can deal with your problem. Which may be figuring out how to stay out of her problem. Working your own recovery program can help with that - Al-anon, Nar-anon, posting here, a book called Co-dependent No More... all are great starting points.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 5
Such great advice. I appreciate everyone's time in responding. I'll start working on me and see what happens. Started reading codependent no more. Quite eye opening. I've really approached this all wrong before will keep reading and keep working.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
My boyfriend is a recovering opiate addict. His addiction went on for 7 years, and progressively got worse and worse. The only thing that helped me was for me to get help for myself through counselors and a psychiatrist. I hit rock bottom after I realized all of the lies that he was telling me about his addiction.
As others have said, your wife will not stop until she decides that she wants to. She has to decide that using the pills is worse than not using them. Then, she has to go through a lot of recovery work on her own. You cannot do it for her.
Believe me, I tried everything. I tried monitoring his use. I tried going with him when he traded drugs with a friend. I tried begging, pleading, and yelling. The best thing for both of us is the moments when I was able to let go.
As others have said, your wife will not stop until she decides that she wants to. She has to decide that using the pills is worse than not using them. Then, she has to go through a lot of recovery work on her own. You cannot do it for her.
Believe me, I tried everything. I tried monitoring his use. I tried going with him when he traded drugs with a friend. I tried begging, pleading, and yelling. The best thing for both of us is the moments when I was able to let go.
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