Son struggles with possible dual diagnosis
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Son struggles with possible dual diagnosis
Over a year ago, after being clean for about 10 months, my son started using again and stopped mental health treatment he had been receiving.
Since that time, his negative behaviors are escalating, he continues to live in our home, and we are affected by the fallout. Not so long ago, he came to me and told me he wants help but hard to say if he will follow through.
I am wondering if anyone who has an adult child, who struggles with mental health issues and substance use, would share their coping strategies?
Over time, I've been researching and learning, so that helps somewhat to keep me focused; also, my son has had resources and support offered to him, though, I get the feeling that at times, he feels very much isolated and hopeless.
Since that time, his negative behaviors are escalating, he continues to live in our home, and we are affected by the fallout. Not so long ago, he came to me and told me he wants help but hard to say if he will follow through.
I am wondering if anyone who has an adult child, who struggles with mental health issues and substance use, would share their coping strategies?
Over time, I've been researching and learning, so that helps somewhat to keep me focused; also, my son has had resources and support offered to him, though, I get the feeling that at times, he feels very much isolated and hopeless.
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Anaya
My most primative and necessary coping strategy has been to focus on my own survival. Selfish? Perhaps.
My son is homeless. Living God knows where. In his car which is barely functional besides the fact that he has no money for gas. Couches. With other drug addicts. Does he have mental health issues? He has never worked with a professional long enough for diagnosis but he has been diagnosed with ADHD. His biological father has serious psychological issues so genetically there is reason to believe that my son could have issues that remain undiagnosed.
My coping strategies involve meetings twice a week, working a 12 step program, and reprogramming my own brain to remain positive and not allow the fear of the unknown to eat me alive from the inside out.
My son knows that he is loved. My son knows that we will support him if he chooses sobriety. But I cannot and will not support his continued abuse of his body with meth. Does he resent me? I'm sure he does. Does he try to manipulate and guilt me me for money and sympathy? Oh yes. Will he ever get sober? I can't predict the future. My son may be quite a bit older than yours.....he turns 30 this month. It took me a long time to get this point. But I do wish that I had begun my path in earnest with the 12 steps ten years ago. I suffered a great deal with his early alcoholism/addiction. I didn't realize I had a choice not to.
gentle hugs
ke
My most primative and necessary coping strategy has been to focus on my own survival. Selfish? Perhaps.
My son is homeless. Living God knows where. In his car which is barely functional besides the fact that he has no money for gas. Couches. With other drug addicts. Does he have mental health issues? He has never worked with a professional long enough for diagnosis but he has been diagnosed with ADHD. His biological father has serious psychological issues so genetically there is reason to believe that my son could have issues that remain undiagnosed.
My coping strategies involve meetings twice a week, working a 12 step program, and reprogramming my own brain to remain positive and not allow the fear of the unknown to eat me alive from the inside out.
My son knows that he is loved. My son knows that we will support him if he chooses sobriety. But I cannot and will not support his continued abuse of his body with meth. Does he resent me? I'm sure he does. Does he try to manipulate and guilt me me for money and sympathy? Oh yes. Will he ever get sober? I can't predict the future. My son may be quite a bit older than yours.....he turns 30 this month. It took me a long time to get this point. But I do wish that I had begun my path in earnest with the 12 steps ten years ago. I suffered a great deal with his early alcoholism/addiction. I didn't realize I had a choice not to.
gentle hugs
ke
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Anaya and Kindeyes,
My AS also has ADHD. I have often wondered if that in itself prevents him from ever becoming sober for good. I think the impulsiveness that comes with this disorder has always been the pushing force behind all his terrible choices and self destructive behaviour. I know how hard it was for me to quit smoking, I can imagine giving up drugs/alchohol and having this disorder on top of it.
My AS also has ADHD. I have often wondered if that in itself prevents him from ever becoming sober for good. I think the impulsiveness that comes with this disorder has always been the pushing force behind all his terrible choices and self destructive behaviour. I know how hard it was for me to quit smoking, I can imagine giving up drugs/alchohol and having this disorder on top of it.
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I gave my daughter the boot each time she relapsed. There was just no way I could allow her to live here when she was active, and she's dual diagnosis too, with mild TBI's. We tried that once and we all became prisoners to her addiction. She had resources and knew how to use them, it was just a matter of time before she did that. We had to get out of her way first.
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Originally Posted by Wisher 
Anaya and Kindeyes,
My AS also has ADHD. I have often wondered if that in itself prevents him from ever becoming sober for good. I think the impulsiveness that comes with this disorder has always been the pushing force behind all his terrible choices and self destructive behaviour. I know how hard it was for me to quit smoking, I can imagine giving up drugs/alchohol and having this disorder on top of it.
My AS also has ADHD. I have often wondered if that in itself prevents him from ever becoming sober for good. I think the impulsiveness that comes with this disorder has always been the pushing force behind all his terrible choices and self destructive behaviour. I know how hard it was for me to quit smoking, I can imagine giving up drugs/alchohol and having this disorder on top of it.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I am dually diagnosed, and in long-term recovery.
I also have a 33-year-old AD active in addictions, also dually diagnosed.
She is no longer welcome in my home.
I won't ever take a front row seat to her addictions again.
Recovery is possible. I am living proof.
I also have a 33-year-old AD active in addictions, also dually diagnosed.
She is no longer welcome in my home.
I won't ever take a front row seat to her addictions again.
Recovery is possible. I am living proof.
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Anaya,
My husband has ADHD and bipolar. He used crack for 20+ years and has been sober since 2005. It wasn't until after he got sober that he got the dual diagnosis. I think that he really starting using drugs to self medicate and then got caught up in addiction.
A dual diagnosis makes sobriety more challenging but it is still possible. His parents enabled the heck out of him....he didn't get sober until the money stopped and they quit providing a place for him to live. Understandably, they were concerned that he would wind up dead so were unable to pull the plug on softening his life. I can't imagine how difficult their situation was but they had a lot to do with his making it easier to keep using.
It's really sad when people do not learn consequences and they keep doing what they are doing because they believe they can talk their way out of their circumstances/consequences.
My heart goes out to you - I'll be sending you and your son prayers and good thoughts.
My husband has ADHD and bipolar. He used crack for 20+ years and has been sober since 2005. It wasn't until after he got sober that he got the dual diagnosis. I think that he really starting using drugs to self medicate and then got caught up in addiction.
A dual diagnosis makes sobriety more challenging but it is still possible. His parents enabled the heck out of him....he didn't get sober until the money stopped and they quit providing a place for him to live. Understandably, they were concerned that he would wind up dead so were unable to pull the plug on softening his life. I can't imagine how difficult their situation was but they had a lot to do with his making it easier to keep using.
It's really sad when people do not learn consequences and they keep doing what they are doing because they believe they can talk their way out of their circumstances/consequences.
My heart goes out to you - I'll be sending you and your son prayers and good thoughts.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Thanks to all for responding.
Kindeyes: Your strength is remarkable. Coming to terms with the loss of our children as we once knew them is difficult. I read and reread what you said, But I do wish that I had begun my path in earnest with the 12 steps ten years ago. I suffered a great deal with his early alcoholism/addiction. I didn't realize I had a choice not to.
Wisher: Good points. My son also has been diagnosed with ADHD and has symptoms of other possible disorders.
Chino: It is good to hear your daughter made the choice to seek help.
Freedom1990: I admire your resolve. I, too, hope to recover and realize it takes time.
lightseeker: I am grateful for your prayers and good thoughts. Congratulations to your husband! His is a remarkable story.
My son does not hang around home much these days and it is quite peaceful in his absence.
Kindeyes: Your strength is remarkable. Coming to terms with the loss of our children as we once knew them is difficult. I read and reread what you said, But I do wish that I had begun my path in earnest with the 12 steps ten years ago. I suffered a great deal with his early alcoholism/addiction. I didn't realize I had a choice not to.
Wisher: Good points. My son also has been diagnosed with ADHD and has symptoms of other possible disorders.
Chino: It is good to hear your daughter made the choice to seek help.
Freedom1990: I admire your resolve. I, too, hope to recover and realize it takes time.
lightseeker: I am grateful for your prayers and good thoughts. Congratulations to your husband! His is a remarkable story.
My son does not hang around home much these days and it is quite peaceful in his absence.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
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Bad night last night, so, husband told son to leave and not come back. Risky business and out of control behavior in our home. We'll see what happens. I don't trust him (my son) or his "friends."
Hopefully, I will have a peaceful night tonight.
Hopefully, I will have a peaceful night tonight.
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