funeral today for my AD's friend...
 

My AD checked her self into detox. I haven't heard from her at all, and the treatment center of course won't give me any information. So i hope she is still there. I pray everyday that she finds her way.

Today her friend is being buried. She OD from using that bath salt crap. I didn't know her, but from what I hear, she was a very sweet girl, that had a very big problem. I'm so sad for her family it's breaking my heart. I almost feel like every time we lose an addict we are losing the fight. My daughter has lost so many friends to drug addiction, that in a weird way, i feel lucky that I at least know my daughter is still here with me. And there is still a fighting chance.

I can not fathom how that product came onto the market!! It is sold at gas stations across the states!!! It's LEGAL!!! It's cheap!!! And it is so readily available it's scary. And most of all it is killing our kids!! It gives these kids who didn't have the balls to use "illegal" drugs an OK to do it....why shouldn't they, it's sold right there at the counter of the convenience store. It gives kids who are already using, something else to try. Why wouldn't they, they can literally purchase it in front of law enforcement per say, go home use it, and possibly die!!

I am just having a bad day. An overwhelming day. Someone else's daughter is being laid to rest as I do this. 25 years old she was. I feel so selfish in that I thank God it wasn't my daughter.

She was someone's daughter, someone's friend, someone's heart. May she rest in peace now.

(((sjr))) I know that feeling. During my daughter's first detox one of her friends OD'd. They were friends before drugs and drugs ultimately forever separated them. Sadly, more of her friends have died and one has brain damage severe enough he'll not ever live independently.

I've had to compartmentalize it. I am full of gratitude that my daughter is alive and in recovery, just for today. I have mourned the deaths of her friends and continue to say prayers for their loved ones.

It's always so sad to hear of another person dying as a result of this disease....and so young. It is so very sad. It is this fear that often keeps us paralyzed, depressed or caught up in a cycle of enabling. We don't ever want to face that result with our own children. It is our worst fear.

I realize how fear driven my life has been for so many years. Accepting that I am powerless over the addict helps to relieve that fear. I know that my son is very deep in his addiction. He has the tools to seek relief from his addiction but he chooses not to use them. I have no control over that. I am powerless. He knows where to get help. He knows how to get help. He knows he has support and a place to live (sober living house not with me) if he chooses to get clean and sober. I have to accept that the life he is living is preferable to him than the thought of doing the work he needs to do to get clean and sober. I am powerless. Nothing I can do or say will change his mind.

I can take that word...powerless...and feel helpless and weak or I can embrace it and allow it to set me free. I choose to do the latter. There is a tremendous amout of relief when I am able to embrace my powerlessness over not only my AS but everyone in my life. I am able to stay in a better place in my brain. If I am powerless over them, then I don't have to carry the burden of the result. I am free to live my life.....and allow them to live theirs. Powerlessness is empowering.

You, your dear daughter and the family of your daughter's friends will be in my prayers today.

gentle hugs
ke

(((sjr))) - kindeyes could not have said it better and i concur completely with her - finding comfort and strength in powerlessness is just another of the paradoxical elements of this addiction scenario - prayers for all involved continue constantly - just in this one thread a broad spectrum is represented - one mother whose child lost the fight - one mother whose child is choosing to fight - one mother whose child is lost in the addiction - one mother whose child is locked up (safe and sober, but sill locked away) because of his addiction - and there are many more situations each unique in detail but common in the bottom line - drugs are misery for everyone but each breath is the essence of hope -

That is one of the most beautiful and powerful statements I have ever read here on SR, litehorse. Amazing observation and powerfully stated. Thank you.

.....each breath is the essence of hope......wow....made my heart fill with emotion and spill over in tears for all of the loved ones of addicts.

gentle hugs
ke