Dustygirl01

Hi...I posted awhile back about my (now) ex boyfriend and his enabling of his daughter. His daughter was arrested and charged with 11 felonies for possession and attempted distribution several months ago. My ex bf was actually hoping she would go to jail. She posted on her facebook account that she was so happy because all the evidence against her has been suppressed. She posted, "I got out of everything!!!" All charges will be dropped.

Wow. She got caught dealing drugs (an assortment of narcotics, not pot) and had drug paraphernalia in her car...but walks away scott-free...no charges at all on her record. Once again, she will not be held accountable for what she did.

Well, it's not my problem. I just wanted some validation of some sort for all the hell she and her father have put me through. I guess it will come later. Maybe. It's not up to me to make sense of or understand.

Latte

She will eventually get caught. She has a false sense of security. The police are watching her.

It is frustrating. Venting here is a good way to get it out of your head.

MissTara

I agree, she will eventually get caught unless she changes her life around. I have found that I have to worry about myself instead of worrying about my addict Brother and my Exa-finace paying for things that they have done to me and our family. In a sense they pay everyday by living in their own personal hell. There is no sense of peace for me when I dread on it like I have. I hope you can find some peace in the decision that was made on his daughters behalf....

BHF

How does the possibility of this young woman (albeit an addict/dealer) going to prison "validate" you? That is the issue that I would suggest you concentrate on. She didn't put you through anything that you didn't allow her to do.

Sorry to sound harsh, but I just can't see anything productive from your post.

Dustygirl01

Well...not really validate me...but what I really meant was that for so long she's gotten away with so much. Just for once to see her face consequences.

It's just frustrating when an addict does this to a family. I was with my ex for ten years.

MissTara

BI agree with BHF. I had to tell myself that repeaditly....that I allowed everything to happen. I had to take responsibility for my actions of staying/being involved. Dustygirl...try not to be concerned about what she gets away with, it just wastes time and energy. Keep the focus on you. =)

Dustygirl01

I agree...it is a waste of my time and energy! She will be dealt with when the time is right, and it's out of my hands.

The sad thing is, my exbf was really hoping she would see jail time. He believes it is ultimately what she needs. Unfortunately, her getting out of this will just reinforce once more that she can do anything she wants and get away with it. Oh well...I just hope and pray she doesn't hurt anyone. Again, not my problem, not my worry.

sjr

*jail time* isn't necessarily the answer for addicts either. Accountability, yes, i understand that completely. However, my AD went to jail for 8 months and in my naivity, I also thought that would "cure" her. It did not. She got a 16month sentence mind you, and only served 8. There are things they can do in jail to get time off their sentence....and as was pointed out to me again, on this forums just last week....they can get drugs in jail as well.

My AD relapsed after just 2 months of being home. Jail for my daughter at least, just let her make some new friends to use with when she got home.

Babyblue

Jails are not rehabs. They often can find drugs there and are not rehabilitated.

It may be a 'bottom' for her if she gets thrown in jail but in and of itself, throwing addicts in jail is a waste of time often.

I think the idea that she may or may not go in is giving you a false sense of control over her addiction.

Let her live her life, whatever may happen. She will eventually face consequences but they may not be the kind 'you' would think she should face.

thequest

I would be more worried about her potential criminal problems as I would her addiction right now. 11 felony distribution or drug dealing offenses? If the criminal problems get too bad it might increase her substance abuse along with living a life with the sole purpose of avoiding prosecutors and competing dealers ie a life of crime.

Dustygirl01

Thanks everyone for your insight regarding jail. This just shows me how naive I am about all of this...and how naive her father is. I kind of figured that she'd be able to find drugs in jail, and would meet others to network with. Her father was hoping it would teach her a hard lesson.

Impurrfect

(((DustyGirl))) - as an RA who spent time in jail, it did give me enough insight to quit..for a while, mostly because I was on probation and scared of going to prison. However, I didn't work a recovery program, change what is in me that thinks "ooh, don't like this, get numb" feelings. It took another bad relapse to get to that point.

Her consequences will eventually catch up with her, and she'll either take it as a wake up call, or not. My XABF#3 "got away" with a lot of stuff, too, until he didn't.

Keep focusing on you. As a recovering codie, I too, had to realize they (3 XABF's) didn't do anything I didn't allow. The saying "you get what you tolerate" comes to mind. Though it didn't feel good, at first, it eventually allowed me to let go of the anger, hurt, and disappointment.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy