Hanging in there
 

Well, I have been to my third meeting and it is getting better. I am determined to go to at least 6 in a row before I decide if it's working for me or not. I'm still trying to settle in and get comfortable with this small group.

My AD continues to live with me as well as my grandaughter. It's better than I thought it would ever be, but I think it is because I am constantly reading up on codie issues, which keeps the focus on me.

MY AD is still planning on moving up north with her daughter. I'm really trying hard to give this to my HP and await for a peaceful "OK" from within. I feel so different now and question if I should step back and allow her to take on the responsibility of a parent. Of course, I do not feel that she is ready, but as a Grandmother, would I ever feel like my AD is ready? Probably not. I am stepping back while they are under my roof and she seems to be handling her motherly responsibilities better than she ever has in the past. I guess my biggest concern is I don't want to feel guilty if she leaves with her daughter and something bad happens.

I see some changes in my recovery. Whenever I am told or hear of one of my adult children's issues, I step back and think...is this my problem?.. what am I feeling? .. do I want to take this problem on?..etc. I still slip sometimes, but when I look back I can see that it's far less than before. All I know is, I feel a lot of weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

Any feedback is welcome

Hi Hope2be,

Sounds like you are doing very well with everything going on. You said you still slip sometimes...remember Progress Not Perfection. =)

I know it must be tough to let your AD take the Mother role of your Grandaughter, and your right, you probably will not ever feel as if she is *ready*. That, I believe, is part of our character as Codies.

Is your Grandaughter in danger by being with your AD? Is she using right now, going to meetings ect....? I think I would take those things into count for sure.

Hugs to you...

You found the elusive key! It unlocks the secret world of healthy boundaries and how to maintain/protect them :)

You said you keep trying to hand the granddaughter issue over to HP. Something I've learned about trying is that, for me, it means I'm not fully committed, like it's an experiment. The outcome reminds me of the old saying "what we resist, persists". You may not be hearing any feedback from HP because you might still be in a proverbial tug of war.

Keep doing, hope2be, and all the answers will come, everything will work out as it should for you :)

Miss Tara:
My AD is going to a Meth Clinic. Not my idea of recovery, but this is the first time in 5 yrs I've even had a glimpse of who she used to be.

She would be moving up north with her boyfriend of 2 yrs. I've met his family and know he was raised with family values. My grandaughter thinks of him as her Dad. He would like to adopt her. Also, his family is aware of my ADs problem and still accept her into their family. Sometimes I feel that my grandaughter would be better living away from this place. In south Louisiana , it seems everyone's idea of a good time is getting high or drunk.

Thanks for reponding...huggs

If your seeing a glimpse of who she used to be, then maybe the meth clinic is doing her some good. I do not know too much about those types of facilities. But it sounds like she has a lot of good people surrounding her between you and the family and her boyfriends family. If they do move up there, you can take comfort in knowing that your Grandaughter would have a good guy there to help raise her... I know it is so hard to let go, but just keep the focus on you!