ltcb

I have posted on here before about my heroin addicted ex-boyfriend. Basically the sory goes we meet, fall in love, he wants me with him all the time, we are inseparable, the happiest either of us have ever been, things move pretty fast, I start living with him, he starts talking about marriage and knowing how and where he's going to propose to me, babies, the whole nine yards...and so on. We had so much fun together. He always borrowed my car. He would drop me off at work everyday and say he was going job hunting, taking his grandma places, etc. And keep in mind the whole relationship he told me he was clean. I now know he was smoking and snorting the whole time and within the last month of our relationship had went back to injecting. The last couple of weeks we were together he starting getting really moody and distant. I was having issues of my own that he was oblivious too. We got into a minor argument one night and he went to the bathroom and shot up. Didn't try to hide it. That weekend his best friend ended up telling me about him using the whole relationship and how he had resorted to shooting up again. Told me that he gets like this and just starts using everyone, including his best friend. When I confronted him about it this turned into everything being the best friend's fault. The best friend just trying to make himself look good. For some reason, I still stuck around for a few more days. At dinner one night he was nodding off. Everyone was staring at us. I just couldn't take it anymore. We got home and he was once again cold and distant. I lost it. I told him I couldn't stand being ignored anymore and that I felt like he could care less about me. He assured me that he loved me and I told him I thought I should go stay at my parent's for the night to give us a break and that we could talk the next day. I ended up being locked out of my parent's and had to resort to calling him back to which he became really nasty with me and hung up. Locked me out. I haven't talked to him since. This was almost 5 weeks ago. Him and the best friend no longer talk. He won't answer anyone's phone calls. Still denying that he's using dope. I have spent endless nights crying, worrying and praying. Someone told me they ran into him and he said he dumped me because I wouldn't let him use dope. Then I find out he contacted a mutual friend this weekend. Said he needed to talk. Said he's been hiding out at his neighbor's and staying drunk all the time. Still denied using dope. He didn't really say anything bad about me but just kept saying how relationships are completely overrated and he will never have a girlfriend again. Who is this person? Can heroin really make people this mean? And I just keep hearing more and more and more things about him everyday. I feel like I was just another pawn in this game that he plays with people and that he never cared. Was I seeing the fake him the whole time? Was it ALL fake? Did he just use me for my car? I feel like I am spinning in circles. I am having such a hard time detatching. And the main reason is in the midst of all of this going down hill I found out I was pregnant and miscarried. It's truly a blessing in disguise as I would not want to have a child with this person. But I couldn't even tell him about it. He was already gone even though he was sitting right next to me. I had to deal with that all alone. I kept telling him I was feeling sick and then would find out he was telling his friends that I complain about being sick all the time and it's all in my head. That made me feel real great. I will also add that he had my money and access to my account and paid bills for me all the time and I think he may have taken $20 from me one time. Which everyone who knows him CANNOT believe he didn't rob me blind every chance he got. So a part of me thinks he cared a little. I just don't know what to think. It's like I was living with and loving a stranger. It just blows my mind. This is not normal heartbreak.

ltcb

Oh I am thanking my lucky stars we aren't together anymore. He will drag anyone down with him. I guess I just want to know if this is typical behaviour and if he was actually capable of the love he claimed he had for me. I feel like a total idiot.

ltcb

Thanks, I appreciate that. I was still totally blinded by love. I am baffled by his actions. Completely baffled.

ltcb

It's just crazy the extremes he went to that don't even seem related to his addiction. Contacting friends of mine and telling them how happy he was and how I had saved his life. Contacted my family members and best friends and promised to never hurt me and take me down that road with him. I just don't understand why he did all of that. For kicks?

Chino

Contacting friends and family had everything to do with his addiction. It was the subject matter.

ltcb

Can you elaborate on that?

MissTara

This is all typical behavior. My ex addict fiance of 8 years would leave the house and take my car in the middle of the night, and be gone for 3/7 days at a time. Leaving me without a vechicle for my Son & I. I had to ask family and friends to take me out to look for my own car, how embarassing. Stealing, lies, being unfaithful & hurtful words I put myself through with him for 8 long years. I kicked him out one day, he robbed a bank 2 months later and is currently in prison for the last 5 years. Let me tell you, if I knew how good I would be, could be and am now without him.....I would have ended it a LONG time ago. Keep coming back here, work your program, go to meetings, read literature, it all will help you in taking care of yourself.

ltcb

I just can't come to terms with all of this "fake" love. It is tearing me apart.

Chino

He said you saved his life or something like that. He was speaking about his addiction. He also promised not to drag you down with his addiction.

Addiction was the common denominator in all his conversations with your friends and family.

ltcb

Okay, thank you. Now I see what you're saying. Well he had been confronted by them first just voicing concern about me and knowing his "past". I just don't understand why go to such great lengths. And why is the relationship with me overrated? Why did I make him never want a girlfriend ever again? I didn't do anything to him.

ltcb

Why the hell is talking smack? What is wrong with him? He is just evil all of a sudden! What did I do to him? I can't help but take it personally. I am a mess.

ltcb

Feel free to go on. That was kinda making me feel a little better. Haha

Chino

We all CHOOSE to take or make something personal. It's a very typical codie behavior. You might be taking his crap personally because it's a bad habit you've developed. Or you find some truth in his words, have some guilt.

There's a book out there called The Four Agreements; my therapist recommended it to me. It's about four agreements we can make with ourselves for a happier life. One of them is to stop taking things personally and it spells out why and how. It's a short book, not War and Peace, and packed full of wisdom.

Kindeyes

ltcb
Not much I can add to the wise words above. Just want to say that I'm sorry that he hurt you. It's what addicts do.

They justify their behavior in any way they can without thought of how their words or deeds may hurt another. They just want to use. Accepting that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with a very cunning and baffling disease will help. Trying to get between an addict and their DOC makes us the "enemy". It's just the way it is.

I like to say that I have just one gear.....and that's "forward". Move forward. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't hurt......your pain is real and valid......it just means that moving forward through the pain will help you feel better soon.

Take care of you. Do something that you love to do today. It helps.

gentle hugs
ke