Really bad day
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 1
Really bad day
Hi I'm new to this site so I'm not even sure if i'm doing this correctly but I wanted to give it a try. I am having such a hard time. My BF recently admitted that he has relapsed over the past month and started taking suboxone. I'm not even sure if it's the whole story, and I honestly don't even want or need to know the whole story or what else he has been taking. But anyways, he admitted to me and his family that he had relapsed and needed some help. He started going to 4-5 meetings a week and seeing a therapist once a week. He is doing everything to go into the right direction but sicne he just stopped using the suboxone a week ago, he is currently going through withdrawl. Hes not sleeping well, hes not feeling well mentally and physically and he's just put up a wall between me and everybody else. He's like a completely different person. I have accepted that this is part of the process of getting clean and that he needs to concentrate on him and his sobriety. But at the same time, it is very hard for me to be in a relationship where the other person is like a complete zombie. But I have not shared any of this with him because I dont want him to concentrate on us and our relationship right now, I want him to worry about himself. So me and his mother have been talking ( we are very close) and we have became a support system to each other over the past couple years. So last night, I went to talk to her about how I'm feeling and how it is so hard to be with him when he is like this. And he overheard me talking to her. I felt awful, I did not want him to know anything I was saying because I did not want to make him feel more guilty than he already feels. But now I am afraid that I created such a bad situation. He got very angry, and I'm not sure what to do or think from here. If anyone has any advice, I'd be very greatful. Thank you
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Work the program you wish he would. Since he is working a program, it's to everyone's benefit, primarily yours, to do the same. Please consider Alanon or Naranon and invite his mom to go with you 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Julia))) -welcome to SR!!
When I first got here, I read a lot of posts and threads and found out I wasn't alone in loving an A (addict). I'm also an RA (recovering addict), btw.
Watching someone go through withdrawals isn't easy, but I would let him feel the consequences of it. It was the consequences of my addiction that eventually led me to choose recovery.
The other thing is, you have a right to your feelings. Maybe now, while he is withdrawing, isn't the right time to talk, but eventually you can. There's no need to walk on eggshells, worry about saying something that may hurt his feelings or send him back to drugs.
All of us A's have hurt the people we loved, and we will either choose recovery, or not. It's totally his decision. When I relapsed, I had to deal with a LOT of anger, hurt feelings, and lack of trust. I didn't have physical withdrawals, but the mental were pretty tough and I dealt with that from day one. I still chose recovery.
There are a lot of people here going through similar situations and I've learned a lot from them (I have several A's in my life, my XABF died from his addictions, though we were no longer together).
Hope you keep reading and posting. It really does help to have the support, ES&H (experience, strength and hope) of others who "get" what you're going through.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
When I first got here, I read a lot of posts and threads and found out I wasn't alone in loving an A (addict). I'm also an RA (recovering addict), btw.
Watching someone go through withdrawals isn't easy, but I would let him feel the consequences of it. It was the consequences of my addiction that eventually led me to choose recovery.
The other thing is, you have a right to your feelings. Maybe now, while he is withdrawing, isn't the right time to talk, but eventually you can. There's no need to walk on eggshells, worry about saying something that may hurt his feelings or send him back to drugs.
All of us A's have hurt the people we loved, and we will either choose recovery, or not. It's totally his decision. When I relapsed, I had to deal with a LOT of anger, hurt feelings, and lack of trust. I didn't have physical withdrawals, but the mental were pretty tough and I dealt with that from day one. I still chose recovery.
There are a lot of people here going through similar situations and I've learned a lot from them (I have several A's in my life, my XABF died from his addictions, though we were no longer together).
Hope you keep reading and posting. It really does help to have the support, ES&H (experience, strength and hope) of others who "get" what you're going through.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
First I'd like to welcome you to SR.......we all love addicts. We know how difficult it is to watch them struggle. We understand your feelings.
You can't undo what has been done. The honesty of it may be difficult for him to swallow. You'll hear the three c's here often. We didn't cause it. We can't control it. And we can cure it. His addiction belongs to him. His recovery belongs to him. There is nothing we do or say that will "make them use" and there is nothing we can do or say that will make them stop. Addiction is a disease and the only one who can treat that disease is the addict themselves.
For me, this has been a very difficult thing to accept. The A (addict) in my life is my adult son. I find tremendous support at Naranon and Alanon. I know that I can speak my truth there without ramification. I know that it is teaching me so much about myself and life in general. And most importantly, it is helping me cope with my son's addiction.
Typically, advice is not dispensed here because we don't know all of the circumstances and as similar as each addict seems to be, each situation is different. We share our experiences with the addicts in our lives. We share what has worked for us. We share our strength, hope and experience.
You've come to a great place. Many of us have found our own path to coping with the addict right here on SR or in the rooms of Naranon or Alanon (or both!).
Welcome.....
gentle hugs
ke
You can't undo what has been done. The honesty of it may be difficult for him to swallow. You'll hear the three c's here often. We didn't cause it. We can't control it. And we can cure it. His addiction belongs to him. His recovery belongs to him. There is nothing we do or say that will "make them use" and there is nothing we can do or say that will make them stop. Addiction is a disease and the only one who can treat that disease is the addict themselves.
For me, this has been a very difficult thing to accept. The A (addict) in my life is my adult son. I find tremendous support at Naranon and Alanon. I know that I can speak my truth there without ramification. I know that it is teaching me so much about myself and life in general. And most importantly, it is helping me cope with my son's addiction.
Typically, advice is not dispensed here because we don't know all of the circumstances and as similar as each addict seems to be, each situation is different. We share our experiences with the addicts in our lives. We share what has worked for us. We share our strength, hope and experience.
You've come to a great place. Many of us have found our own path to coping with the addict right here on SR or in the rooms of Naranon or Alanon (or both!).
Welcome.....
gentle hugs
ke
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