endangered

Well, here I am again, the definition of insanity. At this point the AH has supposedly been clean for 15 months. I would say that during that fifteen months there might have been 3 months that he didn't have some problem or the other which he felt necessitated pain pills. He has been to doctors, dentist, and the ER to get them.

Incase anyone has forgotten, he dropped a heat pump on his knee 3 months into recovery. Splintered the Tibia and tore a lateral ligament. Since he had no insurance we ended up having to wait til December to get surgery. He took pills off and on from June til January. Since then he has had 2 IVPs looking for the cause of his kidney pain, a miagraine, and an abscessed tooth. They found nothing wrong with his kidneys and the pain must have just disappeared since he hasn't said anything else about it since he finished the pills....funny, i didn't know pain pills healed kidney pain.

I was prescribed 10 pain pills for a sciatic nerve issue. I didn't tell him about them but he claims when he picked up his regular meds that they gave him mine too. He begged me for two of them and then within 2 days went to the dentist and got his own. The dentist said there was little or no infection in the tooth but gave him an antibiotic and tramadol. He said neither was helping so they gave him 30 hydros. He did have a root canal. He's still smoking weed daily and will not stop. I told him to get it out of this house.

He goes to the occassional meeting but lies to his sponsor about why he isn't going and naturally none of them know about the weed. I'm frustrated and sad. I can't seem to get the guts to do what probably needs doing. I'm just so tired.

cece1960

(((Endangered))))

Its mind boggling isn't it? I think you know, as does he, that he is anything but clean. I'm not making judgement because a lot of us have had to resort to pain pills that were prescribed, but if the issue here is having a "clean" husband you do not.

I know it sounds so simple, but sometimes we have to back away from the labels and recovery plans and terminology and just ask ourselves, "Do we want to have this in our lives?"

It took me a long, long time to accept that fact that I can not change others, but I can control what I expose myself to. Once I fully understood this, it helped me tremedously at times when I thought the whole world was caving in around me.

Hang in there and do something nice for yourself today

(((Hugs)))

bluebelle

I'm sorry to hear that you are on this rollercoaster ride. It sounds like he isn't really committed to getting off the pain pills. I understand how hard it is for you, because my RABF was addicted to pain pills, too. He has been clean for 2 years, but I still sometimes worry that the cycle will restart. It's not easy for them to stop. They have to do a lot of work. It sounds like he kind of wants to stop, but he isn't at the point where he is completely ready.

laurie6781

Nope he is not in recovery, he has just changed his DOC. Now he is on the MMP (Marijuana Maintenance Program) and it does not work, roflmao

I hope, if your boundary was no drugs or alcohol, that you did tell him to leave until he is clean and sober.

I hope you are making some personal decisions for yourself as to if this is the way you want to live or not.

We are here for you anytime you need to vent, rant, rave, scream, cry, and yes even laugh.

Love and hugs,

hello-kitty

Doesn't sound like your husband is clean and that's bothering you. Not much you can do about it though. Have you talked to your own sponsor or counselor about feeling stuck because you lack of control over your husbands choices?

Sciatic pain can suck the life out of you. I had great luck with a chiropractor.

lightseeker

I agree that the chiropractor really helped me with my sciatic pain. I am even a physical therapist and it was the only thing that finally worked.

I'm sorry that you are having the struggles with your husband. Whether he is using his DOC his brain is definitely not sober. Limbo land is really really hard. It's hard to stay, it's hard to leave. There are no good or easy answers.

What helps me the most is to work on myself and keep staying in the solution. The more I focus on my husband the more tangled up I become. Early on, I had a sponsor ask me if I believed that I was powerless over my husband and my issues? Yes. But then she asked me to list the areas of my life where I felt that things were unmanageable. A lot of what I listed was due to coping with and dealing with my husband. The unmanageable things in my life were due to living in proximity with someone that was not really in recovery - free of obsession.

Hope that you are doing something nice for yourself this weekend.