Need some support big time!

Old 05-16-2011, 02:00 PM
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Unhappy Need some support big time!

Well I haven't written on here in a while. .As I mentioned before I was married to a meth addict. I thought that for a while I was doing good and I was but seems like lately my ex has been put in my path a lot. I live in a small town and so I suppose it's going to happen.

Im struggling with the fact that my ex seems to be doing so much better now than when we were married. This may sound crazy but my ex has it made now, now longer has to pay for anything no bills no rent, nothing. The only thing is that my ex is living with a married couple and their 3 kids who completely support my ex financially. My ex has everything they could want now, and seems happier than ever. My ex has his own tatoo shop now and makes art and it seems to be going good. I don't understand why this bothers me so much because I should be happy that my ex is happy but I"m not.

I don't agree with what is going on in that home, I feel bad for those 3 kids with all 3 of the adults sleeping together it has to be confusing for them.

I just feel like with everything that I have gone through with my ex, how is it that this couple gets to reap the benefits of having a functioning ex. I am having a lot of guilt about maybe i was too "strict" with my ex and should have allowed more space instead of being paranoid about every lie my ex told me. Any words of wisdom. .

Nena
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Old 05-16-2011, 02:45 PM
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You are remarried, right? How's that going? Does your husband know how much you think about your ex?
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Old 05-16-2011, 02:59 PM
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Living off other people is not taking responsibility for oneself and is the opposite of having one's act together.

The more I used to focus on my daughter and her life, the less I focused on my own problems and opportunities.
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Old 05-16-2011, 05:42 PM
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It doesn't look too rosy to me either.

Even if it is, even if he stays clean the rest of his life, your life has changed and moved on. Embrace that and look ahead. Good things wait for you too.

I love the saying "Don't look back, you're not going there."

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Old 05-17-2011, 09:04 PM
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@ Anvilhead, It's not that I feel that what my ex has going on with the children involved and the 3 way is a good thing. When my ex and I were married he wanted me to support him completely so he could make art and tatoos. Now he has that and they bought him a motorcycle (he is a Harley fanatic) and as far as he is concerned life is better than it was when we were married. So when I say he has it better I mean that he is happier now then he was when he was married to me. .that part is difficult for me to accept.

@Hello-kitty I"m not remarried. I haven't dated anyone seriously or exclusively since I was divorced in August.

Thanks for all of your responses. Very insightful.
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Old 05-18-2011, 05:34 AM
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Nena
This is a twist on the "grass looks greener on the other side" thing. Your own happiness is within your grasp. The mind is such a powerful thing. If we allow our minds to wander, it can begin to make us doubt ourselves or question things that really should not concern us. Our own thinking can make us unhappy.

The wonderful thing about the human mind is that it can be trained to think differently but it takes concentration and work to do that. When we begin to focus on our own life and doing the things that we need to do to be happy, our outlook changes. Our thinking changes. Our life changes.

Is there anything you've always wanted to do? Do it. Make it a personal mission to be happy.

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ke
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:41 AM
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Hi Nena. Sorry. I don't know why I thought I read that you were remarried. ;-)
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Old 05-19-2011, 06:52 AM
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I think anvilhead has a great point:

It’s not about you. It never was!

When you first began posting this is what you said:

{I'm kinda upset that I feel I still need to rescue someone who never wanted to be rescued and someone who never appreciated everything that I sacrificed and did for her.}

Her drug use was never about you. Her choice to use again was never about you. The fact you couldn’t get her to stop using, stop lying, stop manipulating – DOES NOT MEAN YOU FAILED, because none of that was ever your job in the first place.
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Old 05-20-2011, 09:55 AM
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Thanks to everyone that responded. .it all makes perfect sense. @ atalose that was exactly what I needed to hear. .thanks!
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Old 05-21-2011, 11:20 AM
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You know that serenity prayer?

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

This falls into the first category. You can only control you.
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Old 05-21-2011, 02:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Nena View Post
So when I say he has it better I mean that he is happier now then he was when he was married to me. .that part is difficult for me to accept.
Comparing my insides to someone else's outsides is grossly unfair to me and the other person.

As a long-term recovering meth addict myself, I can guarantee you that while I was not in recovery, I could have had someone crapping golden eggs into my hands, and I still would not have been happy. I had no viable solution for my miserable life.

Eventually all of it will not be enough for him. He's still got that gaping hole inside that the cold winds blow through. It's just been temporarily quieted through his enablers. An addict without recovery is a bottomless pit of demands.
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