gforecoveringca

Well I'm new to The site and j figuring out how to post threads where they belong! Any ways I have been w my bf for almost 6 years and for the past year he has been doing crack. We have a four year old son and a son due in 6 weeks . his adriction has gotten so bad that he started stealing money for my bills fom me pawned my engagement ring even stole our tv and took it to wqlmwrt. I kicked him out before he stole my things he got worse ater i kick3d him out of the house. He j got out of detox Wednesday and I caught him smoking agian last nigjt and took our son to wrk w me . I cant keep doing this to myself enough is enough but it just hurts so bad. I iust dnt understand how one of The best guys i know could turn out to not care at all . I have been w him sinve I was sixteen and I dnt know how to live wo him I know I have to make the right choice for my kids but its so hard. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and my world turn3d upside down. someone plz tell me it gets easier and don't hurt for long . I wish I could help him but I honestly dnt think he wants the help.any advise?

changethemusic

Hello and glad your here. This site is full of good people and good advice, I just got here a few weeks ago myself and already it has helped me. My bf's drug of choice is also crack although he has recently discovered xanax and several others. I threw him out Feb 14th. Since then his idea of contact is to call and say hello and hang up or leave the same type message on my voicemail at work every week or so. That is when he's not saying horrible things in a text message. I say this because once you decide to stick to your guns it can be a long strange trip. I have been with him 17yrs. he has used drugs his whole life, I just didn't know about the cocaine for a few years. My advice is to put yourself and your kids first. Especially while he's using. As long as he's using nothing he says or does is true. Detox is great, but he needs follow up care. Detox gets them clean, follow up gets them sober, if they don't get sober they will go back to using. Learn all you can from Nar Anon, this site and any where you can. Just a heads up, I don't know if they all do it, but once my addict figured out I was actively involved in Nar Anon and focusing on myself, he was not a happy camper. Try not to react badly if this happens, it will only make things worse. Don't stop of course, maybe just ignore any bad reaction from him. I think they view Nar Anon as a threat to their ability to further their addiction or something. Get information about detachment and practice it. It will help.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR. I understand how it feels right now......emotional pain makes the entire being one big ball of hurt.

There is a lot of support that you can get here on SR. Many people here have been through what you are going through and they have survived, and so will you....even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

Addiction is a family disease. It is a far reaching disease and we are all affected by it. Since we did not cause the addiction, we cannot control it and we cannot cure it, we do what we can do......take care of ourselves. And in your case, take care of those little ones too.

There is wonderful information in the "stickies" at the beginning of this forum. Codependent No More by Melody Beatty is a great book to read about codependence. And Naranon/Alanon meetings are a wonderful place to get face to face support.

Facing addiction is very difficult. Doing what we need to do for ourselves as we cope with our addicted loved one is imperative.

You've come to a great place. You are not alone.

gentle hugs
ke

gforecoveringca

Thanks i needed that bc it feels like it is getting worse. I never knew it was possible to hurt this much. I dnt know how to deal w this. Im bipolar and off my meds bc of the pregnancy so that is making it even harder I dnt know how to snap out of this funk .

barblsn

gforecoveringca... glad you're here. My husband smokes crack, just entered 3rd prison term for what he does to get that crack. My advice, TAKE CARE OF YOU. You can't make him stop using drugs any more than you can make him use drugs. Find some support, talk to people who understand, TAKE CARE OF YOU.

gforecoveringca

I hate feeling like tgis all I can feel is hurt him and his dad just left here just came by to take the dog out since I'm 8 months pregnant and shouldn't do it by myself. its so hard not to belive the lies you know the im sorry never ment to hurt you maybe in the future bs I'm trying so hard to do what's right thing. Then of course our son that idiolizes him wwnts to go w him. Even tho my baby was going over there in a few hours since I have to work it just really hurts. I think it would be so much easier if I didn't see him but i dnt have that option. Oh and my son will not leave his parents house bc his parents took the phone the keys etc so 8 know my baby is safe that I'm not worried about. How do you get over someone when you see them every day and they say all the things you Wanna hear even if they are not true?

dollydo

I found that I needed to turn off my listening ears and watch the actions and trust my gut. No matter how I tried to lie to myself my gut told me the truth. As for your son, to me, your first responsibility is to him and your unborn child. Their future must be your priorty. I was raised in an alcoholic enviorment, I still bear the scars. I wouldn't wish my childhood on anyone, I heard and saw everything, although I did not vocalize it.

You are a good mom, keep paying attention to the actions, forget the words.

Take care,

coffeedrinker

oh dear, you are completely overwhelmed. i have not lost a child, and to date this type of thing is the absolute most painful experience.

i always believed that my addict had a heart of gold, but he couldn't get to it when he was using. i know it tore him up, i know it. one more reason to continue the cycle.

if you can detach your brain and emotions from the hurt and sympathy you feel for him, and focus on what is best for everyone, especially your children, i think it might help. there is no question that your young son needs to be taken care of, and the security of having a rock solid dependable mother. so you have no choice, really. be that parent.

keep coming to this site, it will help you and be like a little light when you're in a dark place.

rose

Welcome to SR, glad you found us, though sorry you had to.

Just wanted to tell you that I to was married for 17 years to an man who turned into an addict (crack as well), we had two sons together, so here is someone else who knows of the nightmares you are facing. Just having others to talk to that understand is in itself some relief. What you have mentioned about him getting worse is pretty much par for the course and yes you will get through it. I only wish there was something I could say to take your hurt and worry away. Do protect yourself though, such as your bank card, bank account, credit cards, jewerly ect. as they think nothing of it to clean everything right out, there is no thought of any bills to be paid or food on the table. They become undependable, unreliable for anything. I wish I had really grasped that earlier that I did, I think it would have made for alot less upsets and shocks when I was left in the dust without a care in the world from him. Hard to know what to expect though when you have never been through such a living nightmare.

So glad you found SR,

Rose

butterflyflight

With my STBXAH also DOC crack we'd be broke nothing left in house to pawn or sell or trade, no food, he'd go to store to steal food and then trade for drugs instead....it can almost always get worse. My anxiety and detioriating mental state almost had me hospitilized. Thats when I was told by a Judge that most spouses either end up institutionalized or dead, stress kills.

As hard as it is, you need to think with your head for your child, theres shelters and other places if you dont have family that can help. Its an awful feeling trying to nurse your child, while you see something else leave your house, knowing you cant stop it, or vomiting from anxiety wondering if they will be there when you go into labor. Mine was, but spent rest of my hospital stay locked in house curtins drawn telling me he was on the way to the hospital, he arrived after I was discharged, I get home to find out we had no water...this was only a beginning, which is why Im sharing crack addiction progresses and progresses and progresses. With BP, more importantly you need stable stress free surroundings for your children, they learn actions and reactions from you from infancy, maybe before. Hugs. We are all here for you

hello-kitty

Excellent decision to take your child to work with you and not leave him with someone who is high on crack. Kudos to you!

gforecoveringca

Wow I 'an honestly say things have got worse in the past 12 weeks when I post3d this and j about everything thay was warned did happen I think im in a better place now

lightseeker

I'm really glad to hear that you are in a better place. I was wondering what had happened to you. How are you and how is your child? I know that you were pregnant too.....I hope that the kidlettes are doing well.

I hope that you will come back and post some more.....

gforecoveringca

They are great! My oldest son is taking it pretty hard but he's gonna be ok we are moving this week not very far but I j wanted a new start! For the first tine I was honest w him about my feelings! he told me last night it sounded like I had give up all hope for him and I told him I had I hoped he got clean for him but I was honestly done wether he belives me or NOT! God knows I love em but I cant fix em and I can't let him yake take everything I work so hard for bit right now we are on good terms he still hangs out but that's it! It is payday so we will see how tday goes hope it goes well at least till I het some money lol for once i dnt care how bad that sounds