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Old 05-14-2011, 09:18 AM
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New to this...

I just found out 5 days ago that my husband has been addicted to oxycodone for 4 years, really bad the last 1.5 year.

I do not know what to do. He entered a Treatment Center (under the care of a Physician) and is starting counseling, he starts next week.

I do not know what my part in his recovery is? Do I have a part? I do not know how to start healing myself? In a state of shock right now? Lost in all that I am finding out. Our trust is broken...our kids have no idea.

Any advise is welcome...
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Old 05-14-2011, 09:26 AM
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bona fido dog-lover
 
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Welcome to the family. You'll find a lot of support and useful information here.
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Old 05-14-2011, 10:40 AM
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Ann
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Welcome to SR, I'm sorry for your circumstance but glad you joined us.

Recovery can be a long process, a lifetime process for most. The hard part begins when they leave rehab and begin living in the real world. Rehab gives them the tools to live better and make healthier choices, but the action of using those tools is up to them.

Meetings have helped many of us, Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA, three similar fellowships that help us regain and keep our balance and live our lives in a healthy way...regardless of how our addicts do.

A book many of us swear by is Codependent No More by Melody Beattie...I promise that this is well worth the read and you may find yourself in there somewhere.

Stick around, read the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum and make yourself comfortable. This could be a long ride and we're all riding with you here.

Hugs
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Old 05-14-2011, 11:23 AM
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Krying...

First of all, welcome to SR. I cannot tell you how much I have learned here...Its so nice to communicate with others who 'get it'.

Your post reminds me alot of me. About 10 years ago (gosh, its so hard to believe its been that long), i suddenly discovered that my husband was addicted to heroin. he had been using for almost a year before he finally came clean and admitted what had been going on. I remember thinking he was depressed, or maybe addicted to pain killers or something...when I found out it was heroin you could have knocked me over with a feather.

I remember feeling very very alone. I felt like no one could possibly understand all of the emotions and fears that ran through my mind and heart all day.

I was so scared. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Stay? Leave? What about our son (who was just 2 at the time)?

I'm glad your husband is getting help. The thing is...you're probably just as sick as he is. I know that when i was in a situation much like yours (just finding out about my husband's addiction), a friend of mine (a recovering alcoholic) told me that I was just as sick as my husband and I remember being REALLY REALLY angry at her for saying it. HOw in the hell was I sick ? Hadn't I been the one holding the family together? WAsn't I the responsible one...the healthy one...???

I didn't know it at the time but she was right. I was sick. I was sick in alot of ways that I just couldn't see at the time. I had spent so much time and energy trying to make things right with my husband that I forgot I was a person deserving of love and respect. I forgot what made ME tick...what made me feel safe...healthy, loved.

The best advice i can give is to take the focus off of him. Let him figure out what he needs to do. This is HIS battle to fight. Not yours. You have your own battle. You have to focus on yourself and your recovery. This site is a great place to start. The book Ann mentioned is also highly recommended.

You didn't cause his addiction.
You can't cure it.
You can't control it.

But you CAN take control of YOU and YOUR well-being.

Hugs...
Welcome again...
I hope you stick around!!

Mary
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Old 05-14-2011, 11:48 AM
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Welcome to SR.......I understand the pain and confusion that addiction creates. You've come to a great place with so many people who know what it's like to realize that someone they love is addicted to drugs.

When my AS (addicted son) went into his first in patient rehab, my husband and I went to every single family meeting they offered. At the time, I originally went to find out how I could "assist" in getting my son clean and sober. What I actually found out is that I had been unknowingly falling into the dance of addiction with him. The facility is staffed by many recovering addicts and alcoholics.......and it was these recovering addicts and alcoholics that helped me to understand that the disease had affected me deeply. It is where I began my journey in recovery. I am a recovering codependent.

If the facility your husband is going to offers family programs, I would highly recommend that you attend all of them. They will help you to understand that self care (taking care of YOU first) is imperative. They will help you to understand that his recovery belongs to him.

I understand how very confused and concerned you must be right now. I hope you stick around here at SR. There is great support and comfort to be gained from others offering their experience, strength and hope.

You are not alone.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 05-15-2011, 06:26 PM
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Thank you for replying, I do know that our kids deserve one healthy parent and I will try to keep things a normal as possible for them.

I hurt and feel lost and wonder what the future holds??

My Husband just seems so down and angry all the time, so it feels like I am paying for all the crap he has made.

One of the scarest parts of this is not knowing...if I couldn't tell the past few years, how will I know if he is using again. I am very hypersensitive to it now, but don't want to drive myself crazy always looking out for signs.

I hoping things will get better...it is just so difficult right now.
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