jessiebug

So, clearly I'm back and fed up. I have this funny little thing about me that allows me to take an abundant amount of cr*p, until one day I can take no more. This winter I had that day. Now I'm working two jobs again trying to save/make money to pay all the bills AND put some aside for a divorce lawyer.

My question is this...I live in Virginia where I'm required to be separated physically from my husband for 12 months (because we have children) before we can legally divorce. The problem is, I can't get him to leave the house. I don't want to touch him, so physically removing him isn't possible. I'm meeting with a lawyer on Wednesday, but I wish I had these answers now. Does anyone know if I can legally get him out of my house? He is not on the mortgage--I bought the house before we were married and I was NEVER foolish enough to add him to the mortgage or deed.

Thanks in advance.

kirsteym

Check with your county court about eviction procedures. But it's best to be patient and talk to your lawyer. In some states, it doesn't matter that the house is in your name. If your married, it belongs to both of you. Not saying this is the case in VA. But your lawyer will know.

outtolunch

Using an attorney who knows your specific situation and the laws in your state is appropriate.

Speculatoin on my part that obtaining a court order to remove an active addict from the house/ children might be option.

jessiebug

Thanks everyone...

I know this lawyer will do right by me. He's a friend of a friend...not enough to do pro bono though...lol.

Anyway, patience is a vurtue, but in the meantime, hubby has literally wiped me out. He stole everything he could pawn. I was at a fundraiser for a friend who was suddenly diagnosed with brain cancer and he and his friend were pawning all of my belongings. Literally--he even pawn my sunglasses! The police informed me that that sort of property is all jointly owned, so he had full legal rights to steal from me.

Please anyone out there, remember that once you're married, you lose all your rights. It sounds terrible, but it's very true.

Right now, I have one television and a DVD player--which I pray he leaves for me and the girls. Hopefully I make it another 6 days with the remainder of my life's efforts.

PS...The good old Commonwealth is NOT a community property State THANK GOD!

newnormal4me

In my state I was able to get my AH out of the house. I asked for a temp separation from him multiple times and he said he wasn't going anywhere. Altho both of our names are on the mortgage, I was the one faithfully paying it!

I filed for a legal separation, and with that filed something called a Pendente Lite. It is like an expedited order to set up who takes ownership of the house, child custody, support, etc. I have noticed here that some state that this is not possible in their home state. You might want to check into it though...you can file this with a legal sep or divorce I believe.

Hang in there...

lightseeker

I think that the best thing is to talk to the lawyer that knows your state laws. I am in the same situation but in NC. I am meeting with a lawyer on Monday. I know that I could have him forced out of the house but I cannot afford it without him. I am trying to figure out now how to protect my interests if I do move out.

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. I really do know how difficult it is. I can't believe they hawked your stuff - and when you were at a fundraiser for someone with a brain tumor. What the heck!?! How messed up is that.

I hear ya' about just reaching the point one day when you are done. Stick the fork in....done. Keep me posted on how you are doing....

BHF

My question is this...I live in Virginia where I'm required to be separated physically from my husband for 12 months (because have children) before we can legally divorce. The problem is, I can't get him to leave the house. I don't want to touch him, so physically removing him isn't possible.

I'm not familiar with Virginia's statutes, but usually you do not have to live in seperate residences to be considered "seperated". You only have to be seperated & not living as man/wife (no sex) for a specific period of time.

dollydo

I do not know Va divorce laws. However, in Fl, my home which I purchased B/4 my marriage was mine.

Getting him out was a struggle, however, when I offered him some cash he just went poof!

I agree with the others, talk to your attorney, find out what your options are.

butterflyflight

Im in Florida too....and Ive been there exactly. I left 2 homes with my kids, one was gutted for the copper wire, the second, 5 years later, he left 5 weeks later when he ODed , when he returned a month later after relapsing I called police and the attitude he had helped me get a restraining order keeping him from returning. That house thankfully was in tact but of course all utilities set to be cut off, and filthy. Sometimes patience, and whatever trustable(from an attorney who deals with it) advice is all you can do

jessiebug

Thanks everyone...I really appreciate your comments. Some even had me laughing...to keep from crying of course. I'm always amazed at what an addict will do. I have so many great stories--I should start a separate thread for "crazy excuses". It might come in handy and will DEFINITELY give us all a good (and well needed) laugh.

Carol Star

I am in Va. Your lawyer will be able to help you. I went to the library and got lots of books on Va. divorce laws. Good luck. This too shall pass. Steal some of his stuff. Just kidding.

Bikerchick

I'm not in Virginia, but I've done a lot of research on divorce and custody laws. First of all, don't give up and give in. Make it clear to him and to yourself that you are going to do this. Let him know that it doesn't matter what he does to you, you're still going to get a divorce. If you haven't already done this, make sure he has no access to your bank accounts or retirement funds. If you have joint accounts, you can withdraw all funds and then open an account in your name only. You also need to get credit reports from all three credit agencies to make sure he has not opened any credit accounts or loans in your name. Then, you can request that a hold be put on your credit so that any new credit accounts being opened requires a confirmation directly from you.

Slowly, patiently is the way to proceed. My ex did the same thing to me, pawned my valuables without my knowing, even went so far as to fill the empty boxes with bricks so I wouldn't suspect anything! Bottom line, most important is to get him out of your house. Let your attorney know that is what you want and you want it ASAP. I know it's tough, but don't place too much importance on material things. I found, that after my ex and I split up, I suddenly had way more money than before. He had stolen cash from my purse, drained our checking account on a regular basis, etc. ,etc. Suddenly, on my own, I had enough money to start saving, buy some new clothes for work, afford some new curtains for the bedroom, etc., etc. It felt great to be on my own, in control of my own finances and able to steer my own destiny. You'll get there, one step at a time.

MsPINKAcres

If you want you can search my old post - for the long drawn out battle I went thru - it was horrid ~ and the out come was not the best from a finanical standpoint - but for my freedom & peace of mind & sanity - I was finally PINKFULLY FREE!!!

But for me it was a long, hard battle ~ so my only suggestion is to get to that attorney's office as soon as possible and remember addicts don't play nice - they play to feed their addiction -that's what the disease causes them to do - please do all that you can to protect yourself!!!!

PINK HUGS!
Rita