This forum is enough to give a codie a heart attack

Old 05-11-2011, 10:21 PM
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This forum is enough to give a codie a heart attack

Just sayin'.

I am a recovering codependent and marijuana addict. My BF is recovering from suboxone addiction. What I found when I came here is that I need to focus on working my own recovery program. However, I still would really like to work on having a healthy relationship with this man...We are very serious and would like a future together...house, kids, the works. The biggest interference in our relationship is me worrying that it might end. I was contemplating the idea of couple's counseling and an across a thread where someone commented something along the lines of, "The stories of divorce and failed relationships worry me too". Worry is not the word. I have been freaking out constantly. I know that this is part of the codependence issue. How can I move past this so that I can work toward recovery for myself, as well as a healthy relationship with this man who I intend to share the rest of my life with? Is couple's counseling a good idea?

Also, I have been attending NA meetings on occasion for my marijuana addiction. I have also been attending MA meetings and Nar-anon meetings online. I am going to my first f2f Nar-Anon meeting on Sunday. I am hoping to purchase the book Codependent No More as soon as I am able to. I've heard great things about it.
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Old 05-12-2011, 12:10 AM
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Hi Eaglette,
I'm pretty new here, but I don't think there's any reason yr relationship will fail if you both leave drug abuse behind! I think the stories of failed relationships and divorce are all about one partner nor doing that and the other partner getting tired of it all! It's not really possible to sustain a relationship if both partners aren't towing the line, and if neither are it's probably even more impossible. After all, to make a relationship last you have to be strong enough to go through all the hurdles together, and the most important thing in my opinion is trust. That soon goes if someone isn't being honest, and the respect goes too - then it's all just pain and arguments.
I wish you well with your relationship! xx
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Old 05-12-2011, 05:51 AM
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Codependence recovery involves finding serenity whether your loved one is still using or not.

Unfortunately recovery also means taking care of ones self first and foremost. If there is active addiction involved in a relatioship, often we find that we no longer can accept being lied to, manipulated, and physically or psychologically abused.

Recovery is an individual process and no one knows what is going to happen tomorrow or next week or next month or next year. Worrying about what might or might not happen in the future takes energy away from today. That's why we say "one day at a time".

If you work the program, it is possible to find serenity. You are taking steps toward that and that's a good thing.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 05-12-2011, 07:23 AM
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Thanks all, and no cynical--we haven't. Neither of us has done this before. I was clean for about a month and a half while we were together, but not committed to sobriety at that time. This is is the first time he is going to be off of everything. I know it is going to be a tough road and that we are both discovering aspects of ourselves right now which we had left behind, but I am prepared for that.
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Old 05-12-2011, 08:10 AM
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And on top of it he has made up lies about me to all his friends, told things I had talked with him about in confidence, cheated on me while I was home with our newborn baby, and put up walls so he didn't have to "feel" why he was doing to me. All the while acting as though nothing was wrong. And I just can't get past the pain. And I still love him! It's nuts and probably a little foolish.
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Old 05-12-2011, 08:20 AM
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I think its safe today...THIS IS YOUR RECOVERY....dedicated to you...NA anon will help you on so many different levels...and a sponsor...its work, lots of it...that is why they say the 1st year there should be no relationship because its all about you....

HONESTY is the program...it works if you work it....I think your important...
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Old 05-12-2011, 10:42 AM
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And I still love him! It's nuts and probably a little foolish.
I loved smoking crack. Or so I thought.

But just because I "loved" it. Didn't mean it was a lifestyle I should stick with.

I was miserable. I knew something was wrong - that my behavior was nuts and probably a little foolish. I found help. I got into recovery. In recovery, I learned what I thought was love was addiction and it wasn't all my fault. I worked hard to learn why I was making bad choices for myself, and then I worked hard to change my bad habits.

Now I realized I never loved "crack" afterall. I was just sick.
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