Rescuers...at it AGAIN!

Old 05-11-2011, 05:21 PM
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Rescuers...at it AGAIN!

My MIL and SIL are bigger codies than I am. So AH is in rehab now for 30 days. He gets a weekend pass this weekend (the facility is 3 hrs. from home). He has to present his plan to the treatment team, and they decide whether or not they will let him go for the weekend. I tell him he's not staying here. I'm not ready for that, and he accepts that. He asked his sponsor to stay at his house. His sponsor says no, he's not comfortable doing that for him right now. His mother's boyfriend says no way(against his mother's wishes). The sister is hosting a baby shower so she can't do it. Father says no as well. So, here I am, thinking, OK, AH is finally facing some consequences for his past behaviors and he's not going to have anywhere to stay. Too bad, so sad, right? Well, how about rescuer #1 (the sister) texts me and says "we are in a jam right now b/c we don't have anywhere for (AH) to stay this weekend. Please call me!!" So, I texted her back and said, "why is this my problem? Or yours for that matter?" SHe texts me back and says "because he is family. Nevermind we got it taken care of". Someone please tell me I'm not being irrational or mean! Why in the world would I be involved with finding a place for him to stay? Isn't this his deal? Isn't this HIS plan that he needs to be presenting to the team? Not his sister's plan? Is anyone going to actually let HIM do some work?? It's not like they are kicking him out for the weekend! I want to shake my S-I-L and tell her to get over it, but I guess she needs to make that realization on her own. I just feel like his family is so clueless about being co-dependent, that they just look at me like the unsupportive, passive aggressive wife.
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Old 05-11-2011, 05:25 PM
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They can look at you any way they please. You are doing the exact right thing. Don't back down on your boundaries just because other people don't have a clue how to even set boundaries. You done good!
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Old 05-11-2011, 05:54 PM
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You are right 'Its not like he's being kicked out for the weekend' -

He could just stay right where he is & its probably the best place for him right now.

sometimes families just create the drama's, dont they...

JJ
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Old 05-12-2011, 06:21 AM
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These are the kind of times that I have to recite the Serenity Prayer over and over and over again to myself. Realizing that we have absolutely no control over other people and what they do is a tough realization for some of us.

They have it taken care of....that's great. You're holding your boundaries.....that's great.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 05-13-2011, 05:33 AM
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Wife2anaddict: I too struggle with the incredible frustration of watching my AS just find other enablers. It can really get me down. I am fearful that he will never see sobriety and that one day I will see him with a beard down to his belly button, his face distorted because he has so few teeth left, wearing a filthy winter coat, and pushing a shopping cart full of his belongings.

So then I have to really focus on the fact that no addict in the world moved into sobriety because the enablers ran out. Enablers never run out. If the immediate family quits enabling then the extended family steps in. If the extended family quit enabling then some non-family person steps in. If we could see the invisible, we would see a neverending line of enablers waiting for their chance. No, an addicted person decides to move into sobriety because something inside happens - something that is in the Higher Power's realm. An addicted person decides to move into sobriety in the midst of all that enabling.

So continue to carry the truth-in-love to your husband, whether you are living with him or not. Continue to carry the truth-in-love to the enablers who contact you (should you choose to answer their calls or respond to their calls). And most of all, continue your quest for your own peace and serenity which is your Higher Power's desire for your life.
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