What the Heck Just Happened?

Old 05-10-2011, 10:01 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
Thread Starter
 
cece1960's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
What the Heck Just Happened?

A few months ago, on a day that I wasn’t in a great place, I made a direct request of my HP.

See, my BF of eight years had begun to grow distant, my dog of over 13 years had started losing control in the house along with more trouble walking, and AS was in jail and “in the hole” for contraband tobacco.

So I looked up in the sky and said in my nicest, most polite voice “Please throw me a bone, huh? I just can’t keep taking the hits. Its wearing me down”

Well, the end result of that conversation? My BF dumped me, and it was very painful. My dear dog had to be put down, after a long and happy life, and my son was released from jail, and quickly went back out, and back to his ways.

“Really?” I said. “THIS is the answer? Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something I should have ( was I supposed to throw in ‘And then I’ll…’ ?” Did you misunderstand the request?”

But today I sit and have to admit to myself that things HAVE gotten better.
I am just now getting to the point of acceptance as far as how things transpired with the BF. I know “why” he felt he needed to do what he did. It doesn’t mean I still don’t hurt, but I’ve been able to let go of some of the anger and the sadness. Chances are, I will be happier in the long run as a result of this.

I no longer am perpetually angry at the dog for something he could not control, and now know that at the very least I gave him the dignity of passing on, before he was totally incapacitated.

And I think that AS is afraid, at the moment, to pile any more crap on me, after seeing the look in my eyes a few weeks back. I hardly hear from him, but he did call to wish me a happy Mothers Day, and to report he has decided to stop doing what he was doing and put on the brakes before he winds up back in jail. At our last encounter I had told him that I would not hesitate for a second to violate him, to protect both him and myself.
He must have believed me…time will tell. As I said, I think it was the mad woman look in my eyes.

So, even though its not what I wanted or expected, it is what it is. And I’ll make it through these hurdles, and with any luck many more to come.

Moral of the story?
I can’t control others in my life…and if I could it wouldn’t be living my life, right?
cece1960 is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 10:18 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Reminds me of a verse, " And all things come together for good to those that love God."

It's a verse from the Christian faith tradition. If that is not yours, then just take what you need and leave the rest.

Thanks for sharing. I just love that our Higher Power doesn't get wigged out when we show anger, confusion, any negative emotion when the answers to our prayers are a little different than what we had in mind.
sojourner is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 10:18 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Kindeyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
cece
I do understand that feeling as though the ol' HP wasn't listening.

I'm so sorry about the boyfriend leaving and so sorry for the loss of your dear fur baby. That's a couple of hard blows in a short period of time. Add the AS to the picture and it would be easy to curl up in a fetal ball and stay there for a while. But you're not doing that! THAT's good stuff!

It's so hard to see that sometimes when we are going through difficulties, our HP has plans that we just aren't privy to. Have Faith.

gentle hugs to you today
ke
Kindeyes is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 10:52 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Living in a Pinkful Place
 
MsPINKAcres's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((cece))

wow my friend - some really tough things to go thru - please accept my sympathy in the loss of your dearly loved pet!

I also add my thoughts and prayers that soon you will truly understand and feel the "More will be revealed" plan your HP has for your life!

PINK HUGS!
Rita
MsPINKAcres is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 11:51 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Impurrfect's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((CeCe))))- thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who has asked "THAT'S your answer?!?!"

I'm sorry all you've been through, but thanks for the reminder that we may not understand "the answer" at the time, we just keep going and it will be revealed eventually.

Big hugs and prayers,

Amy
Impurrfect is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 12:41 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The South
Posts: 105
(((CeCe)))

I am so sorry for the pain and grief that you are going through.

There have been times that I have told God, "I just don't get it." But, I know that He is big enough to handle my anger towards Him. Actually, I have seen that He uses the "I don't get it" times to grow my Faith a little. I don't understand many things. Yet, there are two truths that I cling to during the most difficult times. I believe that God is always on the Throne. And I believe that everything that happens to me is filtered through His fingers of Love. Even if my situation changes for the worse, I speak these truths out loud to Him. Somehow, it calms me.

Hugs and prayers.
Habit is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 05:26 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Sunny Side Up
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
HI Cece, After reading your post, I thought "what a great woman". Your sense of humor will get you to that place, hun.

Me too, not that long ago, gazed up to the sky and asked, 'what you gonna throw at me now, damn it" cos I'll just through it back, you so and so..

Thats what keeps me sane now
justjo is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 05:54 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
lightseeker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
CeCe,

Those direct requests really get some strong responses from HP don't they? I am really sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. That's a whole lot going on at the same time. I really hope that things with your son will begin to turn around...

Just sending you warm thoughts. Donna
lightseeker is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 05:56 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Oh yes, I remember shaking my fist at the heavens and shouting "That's NOT funny!".

One of the very few benefits of getting older is that I now have 20/20 hindsight and can see that it's just exactly times like this that I am being led....to something important, something better, and something I will one day say "Thank You" for.

In the meantime, I'm sending you lots of hugs, Cece, because I'm sorry you are going through this but glad it seems to be getting just a tiny bit better.

Big hugs and Lotsa Love
Ann is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 06:04 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
aasharon90's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,189
I was told to be careful for what I ask for.
Now I say Thy will be done. And in His time,
not mine will my prayers be answered.
aasharon90 is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 06:41 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
Thread Starter
 
cece1960's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I really love SR as a place to let it go...and know that others will understand. The sense of humor mentioned has recently returned, which is always a good sign for me. A short while back I was in a panic of "what if?", and the what ifs happened, and here I stand.

So, I suppose nothing is too big to get through. Just some things are more painful than others.

I have come to terms with the passing of the dog. AS will find his way, whatever that may be. And BF? Well, thats not my problem anymore is it? But I am sure that the day will come - if it hasn't already - that he will miss me terribly.
cece1960 is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 06:48 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
LokiCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by cece1960 View Post
A few months ago, on a day that I wasn’t in a great place, I made a direct request of my HP.

See, my BF of eight years had begun to grow distant, my dog of over 13 years had started losing control in the house along with more trouble walking, and AS was in jail and “in the hole” for contraband tobacco.

.

“Really?” I said. “THIS is the answer? Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something I should have ( was I supposed to throw in ‘And then I’ll…’ ?” Did you misunderstand the request?”

But today I sit and have to admit to myself that things HAVE gotten better.
I am just now getting to the point of acceptance as far as how things transpired with the BF. I know “why” he felt he needed to do what he did. It doesn’t mean I still don’t hurt, but I’ve been able to let go of some of the anger and the sadness. Chances are, I will be happier in the long run as a result of this.

I no longer am perpetually angry at the dog for something he could not control, and now know that at the very least I gave him the dignity of passing on, before he was totally incapacitated.


So, even though its not what I wanted or expected, it is what it is. And I’ll make it through these hurdles, and with any luck many more to come.

?
I spent years and years of my life being angry at God becuz of my brother's addicton and other stuff. When my brother went to rehab 4 years ago I saw how God worked on his behalf and changed things. Now that my brother is using again I realize that it's not God doing this, but my brother making these choices. God seems to be very respectful of the "free-will" that he gives us to make choices in life. God is not an enabler and he will not keep bailing us out of situations that He has already equipped to have the victory in. This is what I'm learning anyways.

I have a friend who likes to say,"God doesn't always give us what we want, but He always gives us what we need." I really like that quote, and whenever I find myself blaming God for the choices and actions of those around me, it seems to pop in my head.

Another thing I thought of while reading your post was an old country song with the lyrics, "sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers". My husband loves that song cuz he used to pray to God and be so angry at Him when his ex broke up with him several years ago. He met me within the next year of his break-up and we will have been married for 4 years 2morrow(together 6 yrs+) and are very much still in love and in a healthy relationship.

I believe God has a man set aside made perfectly for you and you for Him, and one day you will look back on this break-up and think....Thank you, God! Blessings and hugs!
LokiCat is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 06:52 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
coffeedrinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
aw, man....!

one of the four books i am currently reading, is

when bad things happen to good people.


i think sometimes we look so hard for the lesson, and there simply isn't one.

now, sometimes there certainly is, and a learning experience occurs. but, i've come to believe....not always.

peace and good thoughts going your way...
coffeedrinker is offline  
Old 05-10-2011, 10:38 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
Man I hate when that happens...i.e. request of higher power not being what you wanted. Seems to be the course of my life these days. Sounds like you handled it all with grace.
newnormal4me is offline  
Old 05-11-2011, 02:13 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by coffeedrinker View Post
i think sometimes we look so hard for the lesson, and there simply isn't one.
If there isn't a lesson, then maybe there is one of those "strangely wrapped gifts" that comes along when we think life is messing with us?

Cece, you are a real treasure, really you are and one day soon you will turn the corner, find yourself doing wonderfully well alone and self-sufficient...and run smack dab into the new man of your dreams.

More hugs because I love your sense of humour.
Ann is offline  
Old 05-11-2011, 03:18 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
 
laurie6781's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I became friends in sobriety with a very dear lady named Josie. Now Josie's alcoholism had taken her so low that she was living and drinking in The Bowery, which is a very bad place.

Somehow she made it to California and there found her sobriety. When I first met her she had about 7 1/2 years of sobriety and I was in absolute AWE.

At about 9 years she started telling a story about "Be Careful What You Pray For." It went something like this. She was 9 years sober, doing well, had a great job, had paid off all of her bad debts, and had just bought a small house in the valley. So, she asked her HP if he/she could please help her find a companion to keep her company and be a part of her life. Now here she would say, that of course, she was talking about a 'mate' a 'male companion.'

Well didn't quite work out that way, lol her mom came all the way from New York, liked California, liked Josie's house and decided to move there. So mom moved in.

And Josie, being quite open would say that again HP knew better than she did. She got to recement her relationship with her mom and spend her mom's last years (it was only 7) with her.

Later Josie did find a 'mate' and they were very happy until her passing in '04.

When I first heard Josie tell that story I decided it would be best that I not pray for specifics. So now, upon awaking in the morning I just say "Thy will not mine for today please."

One thing I have seen over these many years is that HP, God, Great Spirit, whatever you believe does have a sense of humor, although I sometimes don't see it when it is happening.

Thank you for starting this thread.

Love and hugs,
laurie6781 is offline  
Old 05-11-2011, 09:26 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Impurrfect's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
My prayer, for a long time, has been "please help me to do what I need to do to get me where you want me to be". Not to say that I don't still, occasionally, ask for something specific, but this prayer is said a lot more. It's my way of handing it over

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
Impurrfect is offline  
Old 05-11-2011, 10:20 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
outonalimb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
(((cece))))))

thanks for sharing this great post.

I"m so sorry for the loss of your dog. I have a "senior" canine and my heart aches every time I see him stumble a little bit or when I see him get up so slowly. My heart goes out to you on that one...

And...well...as for the bf and your son..I really like what lokicat had to say about God respecting their "free will" even if it isn't what WE wanted for them or prayed for. You may not have received the outcome your were praying for but you sure did receive a gift...the ability to accept things for what they are and find peace...even a sense of humor...in all of it. Really now...what better gift could you have hoped for?

Hugs to you cece...
outonalimb is offline  
Old 05-11-2011, 11:15 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Still Standing
 
Nina Kay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Cece,
I'm so sorry for all of the trouble that you've been enduring, but I can see that you are certainly handling everything so gracefully. I can see your great growth in recovery really shining brightly & I know that you & your life will just keep getting better & better because of it. I hope that something really good happens in your life soon to help you to forget the pain.
Nina Kay is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:44 PM.