I am new.. any advice

Old 05-09-2011, 01:46 PM
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Cool I am new.. any advice

I have tried to stand by my man... but we have been through a couple of treatments and now he is in jail.

What do I do.. I cant just walk away.. I wish I could determine if this will be his bottom. I have been going to naranon for about 5 months.

Someone give me hope there is a happy ending
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Old 05-09-2011, 01:49 PM
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What have you been learning in naranon? After 5 months, you should have a fairly good grip on what you can and cannot control.
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Old 05-09-2011, 07:41 PM
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I'll jump in here and give you hope that there is a happy ending.

But there is a hitch here - the hope is that, through your doing the work through Naranon, YOU are the one who has the happy ending. Stick with that program and you will start feeling better, even if your husband continues to go downhill.

Saying you cannot leave him is pretty drastic and certainly makes you a prisoner of him. Substance abuse is just that - abuse. And abuse is a valid reason to remove yourself from a marriage.

Keep coming back. SR is a good place to find experience, strength, and hope.
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Old 05-10-2011, 03:18 AM
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my husband just started his 3rd prison term since we've been together. He came home on a weekend pass from Rehab, used, stole. I don't think he even has a bottom, but I do. If love could cure addiction, there would be no addicts.

Focus on you. You deserve better.
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Old 05-10-2011, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by shansahara View Post

I have tried to stand by my man...

Is he standing by and doing right by you?

but we have been through a couple of treatments and now he is in jail.

Are you addicted to substance, too? Rehab/treatment are not magic cures. Nothing works if one does not work it.

What do I do.. I cant just walk away.. I wish I could determine if this will be his bottom.

Forgetabout his bottom. Define your own.

I have been going to naranon for about 5 months.

Someone give me hope there is a happy ending
He and his addiction are not your problem. Nothing you can do or say will cause him to relapse or stay clean. You cannot love him out of this. The monkey is on his back and he is the only one who can keep the monkey from reclaiming his life.

Maintain an awarenss that thre is no correlation between your time and investment in his well being and the outcome. What might be if you took the focus off of him and put it on yourself?
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Old 05-10-2011, 06:59 PM
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shansahara ,

i am so sorry you are feeling despair. i can't imagine a life without despair when someone is actively feeding their drug addiction.

you say you can't just walk away.

Really?

you really can, you just feel guilty. you do not need to.

you say you wish you could determine if "this" is his bottom. unfortunately, as i think you know, no one can ever determine that. i know the anguish of wanting the answer to that question. for me, i finally walked because right here, right now, i was in pain. a lot of pain.

as scary as it seems, it is less painful to severe ties. it takes courage.

welcome to sober recovery.
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Old 05-10-2011, 07:08 PM
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Originally Posted by barblsn View Post
If love could cure addiction, there would be no addicts.
Awesome, good stuff.
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