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Old 05-07-2011, 02:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Hey all. I am new to this site. I have been reading a lot of the discussions posted on this site. I am a 28 year old mother of 2. I graduate nursing school in 1 wk (yay go me). I am also married to a husband who is a alcoholic/substance abuser. Things have been rough the entire 8 we have been together. I was in denial he was an alcoholic (but yet he told me he was from the first) until about 3 years ago when our life became unmanagable. My husband has been in treatment 3 times. He had/has 5 months sober (not really sure) and he came home two days ago. We went to marriage counseling today and made a commitment to work on our marriage. He offered to take a drug test tonight-tested positive for marijuana said it was wrong that I should send it to the lab and have it double checked. Said he was going to a 10pm meeting and never came home. I have realized the 5 months he has been in treatment compared to when he has come home that i am NOT ready to give up my sanity. It was very nice not to have to have that gut wrenching feeling of fear every second. There is an alanon meeting close by I want to start going too, no excuses I just haven't been going. I guess my question is do things get easier? I have heard they do but just sadly haven't expierienced that for myself
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Old 05-07-2011, 03:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Congratulations on getting your degree! That is a nice feeling, I am sure.

sorry that you are having to go through this, when it should be a happy time. We just cannot trust anyone else with our happiness, especially an addict. sounds like he needs more time to figure things out, and that he cant be trusted.

Things get easier when you do not focus on the addict, but on taking care of yourself, and those you are responsible for. the babes.

I encourage you to listen to your gut feelings about this. That peace you enjoyed could be yours all the time. If he does not want to live a clean life, and be honest, do you really want to be part of that? What are your kids going to get out of this situation? What do you really want?
good that you want to get to alanon. that will help you soooo much, and will help you to answer the questions you have. others there will have much to share about similar experiences.
hope it gets better very soon. you should not have to go through life being the only one being responsible in a marriage.
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Old 05-07-2011, 05:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR and congradulations on your degree! Living with an addict, raising two children and obtaining a degree at the same time is quite the hurdle. It will only get easier when you start focusing on yourself, and your recovery. As you know living with an addict is like living on a roller coaster. A life with with chaos, broken promises, and financial despair. Sounds like your on the right track " you do not want to give up your sanity", you are becoming financially independent, and you have come to SR. Keep posting, there are many knowledgable people here that have been where you are.
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Old 05-07-2011, 05:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR.....I always say this but I mean it truly.....I am so sorry for the reasons that bring you here.

Does it get easier? I wouldn't say it gets "easier" but it can become manageable. My son is the A in my life. I have accepted that I cannot control him or his addiction. I have accepted that I can only control myself and I can control my feelings and thoughts. My life is not perfect but it is no longer unmanageable.

Through this process of my own recovery (codependent) I have made a lot of self discovery that I would not have made if my son was not an addict. I would never have met some of the wonderful people I have met. I strive daily to be a better person and I don't allow my son's addiction to rule my life (I use to though).

These things (for me) could not have been accomplished without a 12 step program and a lot of study, reading, and self examination. Focusing on myself rather than focusing on my addicted/alcoholic son.

You've come to a great place. A place with wonderful people who have all walked the path of loving or living with an addict/alcoholic. There is great solice in knowing that you are not alone. Stick around, share your story, and reach out for help.....we are very big on self care here.

I read something the other day that I loved -- "Life is not about weathering the storm, it is about learning to dance in the rain."

Congratulations on nursing school! That is a huge accomplishment!

gentle hugs
ke
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Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. -Melody Beattie
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Old 05-07-2011, 06:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thank you guys for all your kind words. I know that I want the best possible life for me and my kiddos. I am sad that I am mourning the loss of a fantasy marriage I never really had. Husband still hasn't came home. Dreading when he does, but I plan on sticking to my gut instinct that I need my car back and he will have to find somewhere to stay because that is HIS problem. I am scared but I know I will be no good to myself or my boys if I live in fear of his addiction. Fear has ran my life for to long. I know I have a looooong road ahead and I am very grateful that I can relate to other people's situation and that I am not alone.
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