slk529

I am new here and so Thankful that I have finally found a place where I can seek help. I am the Aunt of a 31 year old addict. She went to rehab last April and as far as I knew she was clean up until a few weeks ago. Now I have discovered that she has been doctor shopping and back on numerous pills since January.

Her and her child were living with my 70 year old parents. Two weeks ago they discovered her blue on the bathroom floor with no pulse and not breathing, they administered CPR until the ambulance arrived. This is when we discovered that she had started again. That day she took 28 tramadol (pain med) within a 16 hour period. At first she lied and said she only took one, and then she lied and said she thought they were the same as aspirin. My parents believed her and allowed her to continue living with them.

Thursday she was displaying actions of a person that is high. My parents questioned her and she said she only took the meds the doctor gave her. My Mother had enough and told her she needed to go back to rehab or needed to leave. Her decision was to go. She took her 8 year old child with her.

Since the time I have discovered that she has seem 6 different doctors since Jan of this year and has been given 19 different prescriptions in that time. In the last 2 weeks she has gotten the same script from different doctors. The list includes Soma, xanax, valium, ativan, tramadol etc. Part of her addiction is she takes them like candy, with no concern of what will happen to her.

I know that I can not help her recover, I can not love her into being better, I can not even try any longer.

I feel lost and hopeless because I fear for her childs safety. I can not sleep, I constantly wonder if my great-niece is alright, is she eating, is she trying to cook for herself and burning herself, is she left alone, is she in the car with her Mother while her Mother is high. Last year she had an accident with the child in the car in front of school when she was dropping her off. Child protective services were called on her and an investigation took place. Nothing was done because there was food in the house. CPS was aware of everything else that was going on but based their decision on that fact alone.

Aunts and Uncles have no rights in my state. I live in Arizona. I just don't know what to do. Do I call CPS again? I fear that once that happens nothing will be done again and my adult niece will be so mad that she will just leave the state with the child and at that point we will not know anything that is going on in her life. I am just wondering what steps I can take to try to help protect this child, she has no Father in her life. The situation at the moment feels hopeless. After they left my parents home I found a letter the child wrote, it said "I'm worried about my Mom because she's acting crazy and saying crazy things. She's done this before when she was on drugs so I'm scared she might be doing drugs again. God help me I'm scared and lonely so God if you hear me help me, grant me friends." This breaks my heart.

Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Ann

It always makes me sad when children are involved, they are the innocent victims and bless you for being her voice.

I would contact CPS again and again, if need be. What if this mother died and the child was left alone? What if she was simply passed out? I'm not sure how old the child is but it doesn't sound like she is old enough to take care of herself.

If the family can make an arrangement for someone to care for this child, then it may be good to get some legal advice and see what can be done.

I fear for any young child in the care of an active addict.

Hugs

Wife2anaddict

Hi there. I'm a 10 yr. veteran working for CPS. My assumption is that nothing was done d/t a lack of evidence of imminent risk to the child. So many people think that CPS doesn't "do anything" but we have to work within the parameters of the law. What do you have to show is an imminent risk to the child? Have physical evidence ready. HAVE THAT LETTER READY!!! THat's BIG! The child is scared. How do you know about her Dr. trips? Do you have medical records? Pharmacy records? Can you do a pill count? Has Law Enforcement been out to the home? Have all of this ready for when the investigation is commenced b/c everything else is hearsay, which means little to an investigator or to the court.

MsPINKAcres

((slk529))

Welcome to SR -

My Husband and I are raising our 7 yr old granddaughter because of a similiar situation as you have described.

It wasn't because she was being physically or sexually abused - but she was being NEGLECTED! At 6 yrs old ~ She was the adult in her home. She was the one fixing her supper, getting herself ready for school and trying to do her homework on her own. She was spending most of her nights alone, because her dad was passed out or hanging out with "friends" and she was ignored.

At this point in our lives ~ this is not what we wanted to do, where we wanted to be and how we wanted to live but neither did she - so we stepped in and her dad gladly allowed her to come live with us.

Maybe your niece will let her daughter live with someone else? Sometimes the disease just takes over~ the addicts can't be the parents they would like to be. The addict may in a moment of clarity at least allow the child to go live in a healthier environment.

PINK HUGS & prayers for you & your niece & great niece!
Rita

meredithd

I am in a similar situation with my brothers 3 children.They were taken from their mom and now they are with my brother at my moms tiny apartment , I think my brother is using still but I have no proof.What I have decided to do is just to spend time with each of them individually (we take turns taking them over night) we do fun things with them and let them know we are here for them.My first reaction is always to "fix" things and I had a really hard time with this when I had to admit to myself that this was a problem I could not solve but it makes me feel better to at least give them some extra special attention one at a time and show them a different way of life than what they are use to.

CrackQuack

Wife2anaddict has it correct. In ALL states CPS has to work within the parameters of the law. Hearsay is not admissible because heck, I could say YOU are the crackhead with a baby in the house, smoking crack in front of her and we ALL know that's not true but you wronged me so I lied and here comes CPS to take your kid, ya know? They will do an investigation on ANY call. That's the law too, but having solid evidence is key! Give names of those doctors, alert those doctors to what this woman is doing. Call the police on her. Even if they are in her name if she's got ten prescriptions for tramadols or xanax or whatever, it still looks suspicious and odds are they will encounter her high anyway. Call CPS and have that stuff ready, tell them to interview your parents and tell what they've seen. Use the hospital records to verify that this mother has a problem! I might have gotten clean sooner if someone called CPS on me while I was smoking crack and neglecting my sons but even without CPS, they were removed from me by my youngest son's father. One thing I will always give him credit for is being a good father, even to a child whom was NOT his. He took both of my kids and sent the eldest to live with his dad (which his dad is an active addict too but at the time I didn't care and my ex didn't know- so yeah, he messed up there) and wouldn't let me see our son. What was I going to do? Duh, I am smoking crack. But the point got across to me and I struggled to get clean. My Mom's disappointed face was the last straw and I gave my will over to a Higher Power and got my arse clean. It may be selfish but I do take strength from my children, my Mom, and my boyfriend in rough times, but being selfish in this manner is better than selfish in grabbing a rock and smoking. I am a much better Mom and spend a lot more time with my kids, even though one is an adult now. Wow... They grow up fast. Give that baby a chance to grow up without an active addict for a parent. Do all you can, but be aware if you do all you can and things still don't work, it's NOT YOUR FAULT! You didn't cause it and you cannot control it. You can only do so much. But you've got to try. Have them talk with the people she lived with. That hospital trip is a record. PROOF. Got proof of rehab? Past and present drug abuse? Get it. My ex used my second hospital trip against me saying the record of my cocaine OD would not look good in court so I didn't even try to fight for my children. Too busy getting high anyway... But it's way more powerful stuff than you think. You have more rights than you think. EVERY CHILD has a right to a decent life and those rights can carry over to you making sure that child gets those rights. Sure, you may be limited, but with the law you are a lot less restricted. I hope that helps. Praying for you and your family. As active addicts, we're not even close to good.

slk529

Thank you all for your replies, this gives me some sort of hope.

Ann, the child is 8. My husband and I had temporary custody of her from April 2010 - Oct 2010. We then thought the Mother was doing alright and was living back with my parents so we returned her (big mistake) The order of custody has expired now. My husband and I could be willing to take custody again and I think we just may have to get some legal advice. Thank you for your time answering me

Wife,
I didn't mean any disrespect to you, I am sure the job that you have to do must be a daily struggle. I was just referring to that instance. When CPS came out that time there was a report of a car accident where the child was in the car and where the child had to lead the mother over 2 miles to her grand parents house because the mother was too out of it to find her way, there were hospital records of an od, the school had called CPS and made the report and cps had interviewed family and the child and nothing was done. I want to know what information to have that will be useful and I appreciate you telling me what matters. Right now we have the letter from the child, we have my parents account of what happened, there is the hospital records of the most recent over dose, she was in rehab for 30 days so there is record of that, however I don't have those records and am not sure I could get them. I also have the pharmacy report that shows that she did not get any scripts from june till jan and then just started going to different docs for same meds etc. I am unsure if the report can be used because I don't know if that information is considered private and they way that I obtained it was sneaky. She has mentioned some of the doctors visit, and all of the different doctors names are on the pharmacy report. My parents have counted the pills 2 times and many were missing that were not supposed to be, and on the day of the od the paramedics did a pill count. The police have never been to the home. I spoke with a women at the childs school the other day and that women did say that there have been several occasions where the mother called the school and she sounded impaired. Once again I didn't mean to imply that CPS NEVER does their job, I suppose I was just frustrated that the mother was able to get away with what she was doing to the child at that time. Thank you so much!

MsPink,
Right now I don't believe she was being physically or sexually abused, mentally for sure. In her past there was a time that her mother had her living with a convicted pedophile. Her Mother has had her living with many man in the last 8 years. She has been the adult in the home for a long time now, fixing dinner, making sure her mother is take care of, getting her mother to bed, getting herself ready for school, doing her homework on her own, asking for odd jobs from her family so she can get paid so that there is money for food and always defending her Mother and making excuses that her mother is just sick, not on drugs. I wish her Mother would just let her live with us, however the mother uses the daughter as a pawn, she is held over our heads to manipulate us. We better behave and do as she wishes otherwise she will take the child out of our lives like she has done now. She has moved out of state and kept her location a secret from us on 3 different occasions now. At the moment she is telling us we will never see her child again. thank you

Meredith, It is so hard to feel helpless, I am a fixer as well. We did have her living with us for 7 months and after that had her 3-4 days per week. At this time we do not even know where she is or how to get to spend time with her because the mother is refusing contact. I do not think they have a home to live in, they are just floating from friends homes. I have to learn how to accept that I can't fix this but I also have to do what ever I can to try to make a difference for her and to see that she is protected because as hard as she tries to take care of herself she just shouldn't have to. Thank you..

Crack,

can I legally talk to the doctors about the problem? Also don't know if I can get hospital records. In this case there is no Father in the picture that can get involved. I am happy for your children that they had a Dad to do what was right for them. At this point the mother doesn't seem to have anything that will give her strength to try to get clean, she doesn't care about disappointed faces, tears or even her child. As I mentioned the child is her playing chip and she holds it above our head for moments when she made need things, she will exchange us seeing the child in return for favors she needs. I will do my best to get all of the records I need and have them in order before a call is placed to CPS.

All of your replies are heaven sent and I appreciate them so much.

Wife2anaddict

No offense taken. I'm used to it! Every state thinks their CPS "does nothing" so I just try to remind people that we have to work within the law. As crackquack said, many people make false allegations against their ex, feuding family members, angry neighbors, etc. Also, any of that documentation such as pharmacy or medical records, police reports, the investigator will be able to get anyways, but it helps support your position when he/she interviews you. What is key, is that letter from the child. Remember, we need to be showing how the mother's drug use is having an adverse affect on the child. If mom is doing drugs and getting high, but the mother makes provisions for the child's care, or if she is otherwise well cared for, clothed, fed, old enough to self report, it is more difficult under the LAW to remove the child. The letter that the child wrote demonstrates that the child is suffering emotionally. Every case and every state is different, but most states will not remove the child unless there is severe and imminent risk to the child. Removing a child from the home is an absolute last resort. This is unfortunate in many cases, but, it's the law.