meggie122

Thanks in advance for support. I've been married for 3 years to a man with an addiction problem and recently found out he has been using (and probably cheating) for the last 1.5 years. He also has smeared my name/personal business all over his office and mine. I moved out, but just in with my parents for now. I needed space to think. I saw my counselor today and we are working on setting my boundaries. I'm realizing that I'm not good with boundaries in any area of my life. I know I need time and space and he needs time to recover (he is 3 days clean). He is ready for me to move home. I am not. I don't want to end the relationship, but I'm not ready to continue at this point. Can you even have a relationship when there is zero trust? I have ordered the book codependent no more, but in the mean time I wondered what advice you all could give me. I just don't know where to go from here. any advice for an amateur codependent dealing with a master manipulator? oh yeah, we have a 15 month old son I also must think of.

hello-kitty

What do you think?

Look at his actions. Don't listen to his words. And make WISE decisions with your child's long term, best interests in mind. Children grow up to be like the example their parents set for them. What kind of example is the father going to be for his child? What kind of example do you to set for your son?

Ann

Good for you for recognizing that 3 days clean means diddley and what "he" wants doesn't dictate your choices.

Putting some distance between you is not only healthy for you, but for your child too. In a perfect world your child would have a father who adored his son and could take the responsibilities that fathers take. This is not a perfect world and keeping your child out of harms way is wise.

I know this is hard for you but maybe keep up your counseling and give yourself some time to catch your breath. Time will tell you if he can stay clean, time will tell you if you want to chance a life with someone who isn't dedicated to his sobriety.

Hugs

Kindeyes

For an "amatuer", I'd say you're doing a-ok. You recognize that you aren't ready...and that's ok. Trust your feelings--those deep gut feelings--that is your HP talking to you. The addicts in our lives can do a very good job of disrupting the frequency from our HP.....if we let them.

gentle hugs
ke