PTSTD ~ Really?
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Join Date: May 2008
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PTSTD ~ Really?
So my xah hated this counselor because she called it like it was. She's about 60+ and well established in the psych community.
I made an appt with her because I knew she'd remember me. She did. I'd told her I wasn't interested in reuminating (sp) in the past. I didn't care where I came from I knew where I was going.
I don't come from addiction or divorce really. I've read every codie and alanon book from man. I want to leave that in the past. Not revel in it for the future.
MY ? was where do I go from here. She said that I was on the very right track, but that I was suffering from PTSD. WhichI totally agree with.
Just wanted to put this out there aw a wow and will be back.............
I made an appt with her because I knew she'd remember me. She did. I'd told her I wasn't interested in reuminating (sp) in the past. I didn't care where I came from I knew where I was going.
I don't come from addiction or divorce really. I've read every codie and alanon book from man. I want to leave that in the past. Not revel in it for the future.
MY ? was where do I go from here. She said that I was on the very right track, but that I was suffering from PTSD. WhichI totally agree with.
Just wanted to put this out there aw a wow and will be back.............
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
I know that when all the dust settled - I suffered with PTSD big time.
I smell what smells like toast burning and I swear someone is cooking up heroin. And then it repulses me that I even know that smell. And then it leads to me remembering that horrible night. Or racing home on a lunch break to "catch him" in the act... and smelling it in the garage.
UGH!!!!
Anywho - yeah - I have "triggers", too.
Callie- you have been through so much...
That is great you are getting counseling... you are moving forward.
I smell what smells like toast burning and I swear someone is cooking up heroin. And then it repulses me that I even know that smell. And then it leads to me remembering that horrible night. Or racing home on a lunch break to "catch him" in the act... and smelling it in the garage.
UGH!!!!
Anywho - yeah - I have "triggers", too.
Callie- you have been through so much...
That is great you are getting counseling... you are moving forward.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Being at the @WTC on 9/11 was easy compared to what I put myself through with my daughter's addiction. There was absolutely no question I had any control over what happened on 9/11 and my survival instincts obviously kicked in.
EMDR therapy is the goofiest thing I have come across and yet it was quite effective is helping me to emotionally disengage from PTSD associated with my obsession to fix my daughter and beat her addiction.
EMDR therapy is the goofiest thing I have come across and yet it was quite effective is helping me to emotionally disengage from PTSD associated with my obsession to fix my daughter and beat her addiction.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Timing is everything.. I was just talking to my therapist tonight about EMDR, I've heard lots of good things about it. Coinkidinky!
Glad your session went well Callie, the right therapist can really do wonders. Hope it works out for you.
Glad your session went well Callie, the right therapist can really do wonders. Hope it works out for you.
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emdr?????
EMDR-Breakthrough Therapy for Overcoming Anxiety,Stress,Trauma & Self-Sabotage
Believe it or not, it does work!!!!
Hope that helps!
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
This therapist is very hard to get into and I really like her alot. She doesn't just sit there and say nothing. She'll point out wrong thinking very quickly.
Basically the reason that I went is because I have good insurance again! LOL. I took a very good salaried job in addition to my business. I will work from my home still, be my own boss. I will no longer be working 70-80 hours a week during certain seasons and will actually be able to spend the summer boating, skiing, tubing with the kids @ my parents lake house. The last two years I've not been able to do that at all.
The REAL reason I went to her is because I want to be sure I'm moving forward in the most healthy way possible. I blurted out all of the 'highlights' from my last 3 years with xah. She just sat their with her mouth open. Really. When I was done, I said I want to move forward in a healthy way, without being medicated (xanax, valium, anti'd's). I said I have a valid reason for feeling down or panicky @ times. She agreed. I also said that I don't want to read anymore books, go to anymore meetings (yes, I did go to a few and was very uncomfortable). I feel like that's just ruminating in things and keeping it in the forefront of my mind.
I struggle with resentment towards xah and also towards MYSELF because I stayed so long. I want to learn how to let that go. I also have hanging over my head that my xah will be out again in a few months. He says he's not going back with his dad (8 states away) and will most likely be living with his mom. I don't know how I'm going to handle that or his enabeling mom. I want to have firm boundaries in place. I also want to learn to not carry the shame and embarassment of what he does from here on out. If you recall he basically overdosed. He was blue and unresponsive. His mom wouldn't call 911 because he'd get in trouble. Yea ~ how's that for a mom. His cousin arrived and did cpr until medics came and gave him a narcan (?sp?) shot. He's going to be going to court and will be the 'shining star' in the local papers again. I DO NOT want to carry that embarassment again.
I've got alot of GOOD things coming into my life. Financially, physically (exercising), etc. I want to actually be IN the moment with things and enjoy them. I am not dating, have not. I've been asked more than once. But I just don't want to and want to be in a healthy place with myself first.
CO- we actually talked about the meetings, books, even my time here on SR. She did agree that for many it is ruminating. I know many here on SR have made comments along the same lines. Thoughts?
She also commented on the fact that I do for the kids, I do for the house, I've done for my xah for so long. what have I done for me? I told her I'm working on that. I had a pedicure yesterday.
I'm shopping to rebuild my wardrobe (which was down to the bare basics). Haircut, color, massages etc. All of that is in the works too.
It was weird. When I was talking to her and replaying all of this, I was shakey, nervous, voice quivering, thoughts racing. She said look @ you ~ you've been through so much sweetie. Clearly it's PTSD. Wow. I told her I'm not usually like this, but get there when I think about the past or worry about the future. I honestly believe I've had panic attacks during the past 3 years (though I didn't know what they were @ the time).
Outto - wow. Being at the @WTC on 9/11 was easy compared to what I put myself through with my daughter's addiction
I'm going to check out that link, thanks Laurie.
Basically the reason that I went is because I have good insurance again! LOL. I took a very good salaried job in addition to my business. I will work from my home still, be my own boss. I will no longer be working 70-80 hours a week during certain seasons and will actually be able to spend the summer boating, skiing, tubing with the kids @ my parents lake house. The last two years I've not been able to do that at all.
The REAL reason I went to her is because I want to be sure I'm moving forward in the most healthy way possible. I blurted out all of the 'highlights' from my last 3 years with xah. She just sat their with her mouth open. Really. When I was done, I said I want to move forward in a healthy way, without being medicated (xanax, valium, anti'd's). I said I have a valid reason for feeling down or panicky @ times. She agreed. I also said that I don't want to read anymore books, go to anymore meetings (yes, I did go to a few and was very uncomfortable). I feel like that's just ruminating in things and keeping it in the forefront of my mind.
I struggle with resentment towards xah and also towards MYSELF because I stayed so long. I want to learn how to let that go. I also have hanging over my head that my xah will be out again in a few months. He says he's not going back with his dad (8 states away) and will most likely be living with his mom. I don't know how I'm going to handle that or his enabeling mom. I want to have firm boundaries in place. I also want to learn to not carry the shame and embarassment of what he does from here on out. If you recall he basically overdosed. He was blue and unresponsive. His mom wouldn't call 911 because he'd get in trouble. Yea ~ how's that for a mom. His cousin arrived and did cpr until medics came and gave him a narcan (?sp?) shot. He's going to be going to court and will be the 'shining star' in the local papers again. I DO NOT want to carry that embarassment again.
I've got alot of GOOD things coming into my life. Financially, physically (exercising), etc. I want to actually be IN the moment with things and enjoy them. I am not dating, have not. I've been asked more than once. But I just don't want to and want to be in a healthy place with myself first.
CO- we actually talked about the meetings, books, even my time here on SR. She did agree that for many it is ruminating. I know many here on SR have made comments along the same lines. Thoughts?
She also commented on the fact that I do for the kids, I do for the house, I've done for my xah for so long. what have I done for me? I told her I'm working on that. I had a pedicure yesterday.
I'm shopping to rebuild my wardrobe (which was down to the bare basics). Haircut, color, massages etc. All of that is in the works too.It was weird. When I was talking to her and replaying all of this, I was shakey, nervous, voice quivering, thoughts racing. She said look @ you ~ you've been through so much sweetie. Clearly it's PTSD. Wow. I told her I'm not usually like this, but get there when I think about the past or worry about the future. I honestly believe I've had panic attacks during the past 3 years (though I didn't know what they were @ the time).
Outto - wow. Being at the @WTC on 9/11 was easy compared to what I put myself through with my daughter's addiction
I'm going to check out that link, thanks Laurie.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Just thought of something else to add in hopes that it helps others out there.
We talked about the TORNADO that last few years has been. We talked about how much more S L O W E D down it is now and that transition back to normalcy. Granted, I'm still working full time, maintaining a house, large yard, running kids every which way. I am still busier than a normal two parent household, but how I need to take the time to enjoy things. For 3-4 years it was go, go, go with the kids, the house, work and fix, fix, fix with xah.
I was reminded to take the time to go on bike rides with the kids, watch a tv show with them, throw a baseball with them etc. I've had these horse blinders on for years only focusing on the target. I was reminded that it's time to take them off, look around and enjoy where the kids and I are at in our lives. I truely am grateful for what I have in my life. I'm very grateful for such wonderful kids too. The three of us are very close and I'm thankful for that. It could easily be the opposite.
We talked about the TORNADO that last few years has been. We talked about how much more S L O W E D down it is now and that transition back to normalcy. Granted, I'm still working full time, maintaining a house, large yard, running kids every which way. I am still busier than a normal two parent household, but how I need to take the time to enjoy things. For 3-4 years it was go, go, go with the kids, the house, work and fix, fix, fix with xah.
I was reminded to take the time to go on bike rides with the kids, watch a tv show with them, throw a baseball with them etc. I've had these horse blinders on for years only focusing on the target. I was reminded that it's time to take them off, look around and enjoy where the kids and I are at in our lives. I truely am grateful for what I have in my life. I'm very grateful for such wonderful kids too. The three of us are very close and I'm thankful for that. It could easily be the opposite.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Another thing to add in hopes it helps someone...
We also talked about supplements. I've been slacking on my vitamins lately and will start to be more faithful in doing so. She recommended fish oil and d3 for low moods (depression). Also a good multi-vitamin. Valerian Root for high anxiety days and it will also help with sleep.
Anyone else go the natural route for depression? If so what worked for you? I wouldn't really classify this as depression, just low moods.
HTH someone.
We also talked about supplements. I've been slacking on my vitamins lately and will start to be more faithful in doing so. She recommended fish oil and d3 for low moods (depression). Also a good multi-vitamin. Valerian Root for high anxiety days and it will also help with sleep.
Anyone else go the natural route for depression? If so what worked for you? I wouldn't really classify this as depression, just low moods.
HTH someone.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
callie, excellent post. thank you for sharing. I would like to respond and agree that I too feel Im going through PTSTD too, my therapist confirmed that.
its good to talk to someone who can help direct us to move on and learn to
take care of ourselves, things I havent been used to doing in many years.
I went through cancer treatments 2 times, this doesnt compare to it to be honest. I seeked support but moved on from cancer, I wasnt angry, I didnt
think about it, I sucked it up and moved on, I didnt obsess about it, I didnt relive it over and over again, it didnt haunt me, it didnt make me not sleep,eat,exercise..
But Im having problems doing that now, I too feel like I am ruminating, thus
why I too do not attend alanon meetings. I hope I dont sound selfish, but
there comes a time that after exp. a trajedy/illness/change in life that you
seek support and then at some point try to move on. My therapist agreeed
that its best for me to concentrate on new things, new beginnings.I would
have to say that would be true dwelling on the past isnt healthy,yet it keeps popping its leary head into my mind.
This is what Im trying to focus on right now.
I think you are doing a terrific job, you inspire me and I was wondering where the heck you been!! You continue what your doing, I think in time we will get there.
as far as supplements, I totally agree with the D3 and fish oil, my onc.has told me that often. I cant take any herbs so I dont know about those.
keep strong callie, Im right behind ya
its good to talk to someone who can help direct us to move on and learn to
take care of ourselves, things I havent been used to doing in many years.
I went through cancer treatments 2 times, this doesnt compare to it to be honest. I seeked support but moved on from cancer, I wasnt angry, I didnt
think about it, I sucked it up and moved on, I didnt obsess about it, I didnt relive it over and over again, it didnt haunt me, it didnt make me not sleep,eat,exercise..
But Im having problems doing that now, I too feel like I am ruminating, thus
why I too do not attend alanon meetings. I hope I dont sound selfish, but
there comes a time that after exp. a trajedy/illness/change in life that you
seek support and then at some point try to move on. My therapist agreeed
that its best for me to concentrate on new things, new beginnings.I would
have to say that would be true dwelling on the past isnt healthy,yet it keeps popping its leary head into my mind.
This is what Im trying to focus on right now.
I think you are doing a terrific job, you inspire me and I was wondering where the heck you been!! You continue what your doing, I think in time we will get there.
as far as supplements, I totally agree with the D3 and fish oil, my onc.has told me that often. I cant take any herbs so I dont know about those.
keep strong callie, Im right behind ya
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Originally Posted by Callie 
MY ? was where do I go from here.
I still see my therapist, though I don't seem to need his help much anymore. Mostly it's because I want to share what I've learned or how I've handled stuff. I need a witness and he's it.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Vermont
Posts: 57
Thank you Callie for your post. I too have PTSD (from a childhood trauma) and have been working with a therapist using a "Tapping" technique (I believe it's EFT)) that mimics accupuncture, without the needles. The treatment, once learned, can be done at home and only takes a few minutes each time to do.
It is amazing how well it has worked for me and another option for people to look into. I hope you are able to work through this and can continue to move forward, it sounds as if you are really heading in the right direction.
It is amazing how well it has worked for me and another option for people to look into. I hope you are able to work through this and can continue to move forward, it sounds as if you are really heading in the right direction.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Thanks Callie for putting this thread up. Yes, I think PTSD affects everyone who has an addicted loved on in some manner or another. Thankfully though, it goes to show that there are lots of tools for us to change our lives in a positive manner at a pace we can handle and can tackle this PTSD beast.
it would be neat to see other people's experiences with their PTSD issues and how they manage to positively cope today.
it would be neat to see other people's experiences with their PTSD issues and how they manage to positively cope today.
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Join Date: Mar 2002
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I too suffered from PTSD and had night terrors for years. Night terrors are 100 times worse than nightmares and I would wake myself up with my screaming. It robbed me of my sleep and my sanity.
This was something I had to work through almost separately from my recovery, or as a special part of it, because until I put those terrors to rest, I could know no peace.
Therapy helped me make it through. So did Morning Glory, our beloved Admin. here who had experience with these things. Today I can still get triggered, but I recognize what it is right away and can move out of the panic very quickly.
I'm glad you are getting help with this, Callie. And I am glad you are open to a counselor who sounds like an angel. It will get better, it just takes time and a lot of work.
Hugs
This was something I had to work through almost separately from my recovery, or as a special part of it, because until I put those terrors to rest, I could know no peace.
Therapy helped me make it through. So did Morning Glory, our beloved Admin. here who had experience with these things. Today I can still get triggered, but I recognize what it is right away and can move out of the panic very quickly.
I'm glad you are getting help with this, Callie. And I am glad you are open to a counselor who sounds like an angel. It will get better, it just takes time and a lot of work.
Hugs
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
Mostly PTSD gets me when I am trying to fall asleep and suddenly my heart starts to race. No small coincidence that my AD was always up at night and many of the most traumatic incidents happened then. It may sound dumb but I bought a ridiculously soft sherpa/fleece throw and it's really comforting. I guess it's like a baby blanket for me.
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Callie, just want to add I'm glad you're pursuing this. The sooner PTSD is dealt with, the greater odds of recovery from it. My PTSD is chronic, it is something I will deal with for the rest of my life.
It took me 10 years before I finally caved and only because I suffered more trauma on top of it. The FBI told me I have the statistics of 15 people. My daughter's addiction was a huge trigger and it was imperative I let go and let God, or risk my own chapter of jail, institutions, or death.
It took me 10 years before I finally caved and only because I suffered more trauma on top of it. The FBI told me I have the statistics of 15 people. My daughter's addiction was a huge trigger and it was imperative I let go and let God, or risk my own chapter of jail, institutions, or death.
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