How to live with a drug addict

Old 04-22-2011, 10:10 AM
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eez
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How to live with a drug addict

Firstly, I am 66 and I've been a father to a heroin user for nearly eighteen years.

Secondly, I'm not here for information about drug dependency; I know it all. I have read more and studied more than anyone else I know. Even now, after all the years, I still attend meetings etc that discuss drug abuse and I invariably know more than the person delivering the speech.

I have read the rules of this forum and believe that posting my personal blog does not infringe them.

I've only just started my blog and, I fear, it will take months for me to finish it.

I confess to not being very good with computers--I started late in life--and the terminology used is often confusing for me, so if I have done anything wrong by posting my blog, I would appreciate someone telling me what to do.

All I want is for someone to read my blog and let me know if they feel the same way.

Many thanks.
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Old 04-22-2011, 10:23 AM
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And just to prove how useless I am, I didn't realise that I needed to have posted 15 times or more before I could put up my blog.

Am I allowed to do this?

search on: howtolivewithadrugaddict
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Old 04-22-2011, 12:36 PM
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My search resulted in links to various treatment centers. Was this your intent?
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Old 04-22-2011, 01:21 PM
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I don't see any links??
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Old 04-22-2011, 11:56 PM
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No, it's a blog of my experiences. I just didn't know about the 15 post thing.

I just wanted to know if others felt the same way.

Here's the sort of thing I'm writing about:


Honesty.

As soon as you discover that someone’s an addict, throw the concept of honesty out the window.




THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS AN HONEST ADDICT!




The first step is that they’ll lie and come up with any excuse that pops into their head to explain why they’ve spent so much money and why they need to borrow money.


I must confess that in the early days I believed that my son's pay-as-you-go mobile phone did need more credit on a daily basis and I never really thought about the fact that the fuel consumption of his car had trebled.




Next, they sell everything they have of any value:


If an addict has something that’s worth £500, they will eagerly sell it for £50 if it means they can get their fix that day.




The next step is stealing:


If you live with someone that you’ve discovered is an addict, then gone are the days of casually leaving money on the kitchen table.


Don’t leave cash about your home and then wake up the next day wondering if you had or hadn’t left it where you thought: it will be in the addict’s pocket or the dealer’s pocket.


When you’ve stopped leaving money about and the addict has sold everything he or she owns, the addict will start to steal other household members’ possessions to sell.


Again, it will be a case of: “Perhaps I didn’t leave it there.”


Once they no longer have access to cash or articles of value in the home, they turn to stealing from relatives such as grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.


When the relatives finally accept that their relation is a lying, thieving drug user and halt the flow of income, the addict will start stealing from other places.


First on the list of ‘other places’ will be their so-called friends.


Addicts don’t have friends; all they have are fellow addicts who are equally dishonest. It’s almost like a perpetual crime: my son would steal from his addict friend one day, and the next day his addict friend would steal from him.


When the addict’s ‘friends’ are no longer a source of income, they move farther afield: my son’s finest (not) moment was his being chased by two security guards for over half a mile because he had stolen a frozen joint of meat from a shop.


Honesty simply has no place or meaning in the mind of an addict.


The sooner that someone who lives with an addict accepts that, then, there will at least be some form of honesty under the roof.




If a drug user tells you it’s the morning, look at your watch.


If a drug user tells you it's raining, look out the window.


When you get to the stage where you’ve forced your family addict into seeking help and they return from their appointment proudly waving a urine test result that says they haven’t taken any form of drugs for a month, be honest with yourself; has the addict shown the symptoms of drug usage recently?


If you think they have been using drugs, believe yourself and ignore the test results. For less than £5 a drug test cheat can be bought on the Internet.


The drug users that can afford these cheats sell them on to other users for anything up to £20.






There is no such thing as drugs and honesty.
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Old 04-23-2011, 12:57 AM
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Yeah, that link is a similar sort of thing. Over the months I hope to cover many areas of suffering I've endured as an addict's parent.

Thanks.
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Old 04-23-2011, 06:20 AM
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It sounds like you are very knowledgeable about the subject. You are correct on all grounds. Please don't forget that there is another option. You do not have to live with a drug addict. If by "live" you mean in the same home, make him leave. If by "live" you mean having them in your life, you don't have to do that, either. You have the option of going "no contact" until he decides to straighten himself out. He may never do that, but you will no longer have a front row seat to the drama.

Welcome to SR! You will find a lot of support here, and I look forward to reading your blog.
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Old 04-23-2011, 07:48 AM
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suki,

I agree with everything you have said.

Unfortunately, years ago, whilst my eldest son ageed with me on making my youngest son (the addict) leave, my wife and three daughters were very much against the idea.

As I've written in the first part of my blog, he's torn the family apart.
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Old 04-23-2011, 07:56 AM
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I am sorry you are dealing with this. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon. Many a family has been divided and even destroyed by addiction. While we cannot tell anyone what to do, we can gently suggest that you keep in mind that you cannot change anyone; not your son, your wife, your daughters, or anyone else. The only control you have is over yourself and how you choose to deal with the situation at hand.

I haven't delved into your blog yet; I've only read the first and last entries, so I don't know if you have answered this question, but, have you considered attending alanon meetings? They can be a great help in learning how to detach from a situation over which you have no control. I hope you will consider it, and I hope you are able to find a way to get some peace and serenity in your life.
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Old 04-23-2011, 08:31 AM
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eez
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suki,

I've only just started my blog, so there is not much on there at the moment, but I would like to think that some people may appreciate the frankness in it. It is not an advice site, it is merely an honest account of feelings and thoughts that, I'm sure, some feel guilty about having.

There are many things I have done over the years to try and help; not just myself, but all my family. I am merely at the stage where writing for anyone and everyone to see and read how sometimes it can be, is right for me at the moment.

With regards to help, no matter where it comes from, I think that help is the only thing that can possibly see an addict's family through the trauma. Anyone can get cancer, anyone can be run over and anyone can become an addict...not everyone can cope with living with a dying person, a paralysed person or, indeed, living with an addict.

Many thanks for your comments
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Old 04-23-2011, 10:59 PM
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Writing can definitely be cathartic, and healing as well. My father passed when I was relatively young and writing in a journal helped me more than anything else. Of course blogs are essentially today's version of the good old pen and paper journal. I think it is a neat idea, and quite possibly could help another person to see that what they are experiencing is the same as what another is. It is strange how addiction and all the craziness that surrounds it can be SO SIMILAR amongst people experiencing it.
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Old 04-24-2011, 01:24 PM
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Eez, here in the F&F Forum of SR you've stumbled upon a place where there are many, many people who "know" as much as you do, and some who know even more in that they've been both the addict and the person who parents or loves an addict. Here, you are preaching to the newbie, and to the choir, and welcome to the forum.

I'd also remind you that no matter how much you know, and no matter how much I know, there is still always something left to learn for both of us. SR is a great place to do just that. There are a ton of people here with experience, strength, and hope that can inform both of us simply by posting their own stories as you are posting and blogging yours. I'm glad you are here.

Take care,

Cyranoak
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