Wife2anaddict

My husband is currently 3 hrs. away in inpatient rehab. He’s been there for just over a week and hasn’t been able to use the phone or have visitors yet. This weekend is family therapy/family visit day. I plan on taking the kids up to see their dad for the visit portion. I will stay w/ his sister who is local. The kids are only 1 and 4, so won’t participate in therapy. His therapist asked that I join the session, but I feel like I don’t want to. I am SO raging with anger inside still, that I don’t even want to look at him. I told his therapist that I would go if it were in some way beneficial or productive as parents that share children, but I have no desire to use his the session as a means of reconciliation. In fact, I feel very strong right now, and that the kids and I are managing quite well without him. If it weren’t for our children and their relationship with their dad, I would hope that he would stay in Gainesville and leave me alone. Can you see how angry I still am? I had been feeling really good this week, until his sister gave me a list of things that he was requesting, one of them included his DEBIT CARD?! I mean one week ago, he was depleting his 401(k) and he thinks after 5 days in rehab, I’m going to grant him access to our livelihood? This is on top of the $50/wk spending money; $90/wk grocery money and full suitcase of toiletries and clothing he’s been provided? When he found out I would not give the debit card to his sister, he hung up on her. My intention is not to go on w/ the details, just to say that I had been feeling really good, until I got a taste of his bad attitude, entitled, manipulative BS, that got me all in a tizzy again. I don’t want to have to go through this by seeing him this weekend. I just want to do what’s best for me/the kids, but I feel like seeing him will set me back.

suki44883

You do not have to go! If you don't want to go, then don't go. You have every right to take some time out for yourself. Don't let him manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do. Now that he is gone, you call the shots and you have the control. If you don't want to go, then don't go.

nodaybut2day

You already have your answer. Stay home and have a nice week-end with the kids.

tjp613

I would be hesitant to drag the kids all that way, as well. And I'm all for doing what you want to do...for YOU!

On the other hand, if you've never been to 'family therapy' in rehab before, you might want to consider going. It's a good opportunity to be able to get "stuff" off your chest in a safe environment. One point of rehab is so that the addict can (hopefully) recognize the damage that is being done to those that are important in his life. Normally this is YOUR opportunity to say what you want to say and the therapist is there to ensure you are being HEARD. It also helps the therapists to meet with you to better understand the issues in his world...and help him come to terms with the reality of it.

I'm just pointing this out because many people don't really understand how all that works...and it's really NOT about getting you two to reconcile and live happily ever after. It's so that the addict can come face to face with the wreckage he's caused....while he's actually sober.

It can be a very cathartic process for you. You may want to reconsider...or at least call the rehab and get a clear understanding of what will be taking place.