steve1840

i have been keeping myself busy. i try not to stay here on the board too much either so i dont stay in the situation. i am not in denial but in transition i suppose.

contact is at a minimum. she has found a suitable place to stay so is at least safe that way. i really do nothing other than talk a bit with her. i dont guide, direct,...nothing. i guess i might still be stuck in one way, but i have gained a lot of my life back. i enjoy that. step by step. i do not know where i will be tomorrow, but i am not where i was a few months ago and that is good. my life does not revolve around her life anymore. i i know and accept i have further to go.

coffeedrinker

please go no contact - don't even commit right now, just do it for a few weeks.
you might be amazed.

steve1840

it's crazy thinking in several directions at the same time. i may know what's best for me, but am just not at hte point to enact it 100%. i have taken some big steps though, ones that make me feel a bit better. i have stopped getting in the way of anything, i really don't do much at all except talk a bit with her now and then. the days go by but i do not freak out. for the most part i am in controll, i really just have to find it in me to take the biggest step. i can say wit hall confidence that i am not the same as i was before and will not go back to that. i wantto move forward again, but may have to let it work at its own pace.

so many of you impress me and inspire me. well really, you all inspire me.

steve1840

i've also been reading some stuff, thinking, pondering, and all that and i realize that there are reasons i dont make the cut. things i cling on to even if at such a distance. there is still a link through her to various archetypes i think. i think a part of me really doesnt wantto fully cut the tie to that world. that is not the healthies thing but i am at least glad i am not letting myself fall back. i have been doing intense spring cleaning and picture taking, life has gotten better.

Babyblue

There is nothing glorious about being in the world of addiction and drugs. It is a dead end street for all who go there unless they seek recovery. Not a world to emulate or fantasize about.

The fantasies we create for ourselves when we love addicts are delusional. Not based on reality, facts or anything healthy for ourselves or them.

There may not be anything going on much at all with her... for now. But in time something else will flare up and you'll be back where you started.

No contact is the way to avoid that. And for you, the only way precisely because of words like 'archetype'. This is substance abuse and addiction here....nothing heroic.