Past heroin use & sexual dysfunction
 

So my boyfriend is a recovering addict, his drug of choice was heroin. (I didn't know him when he was using.) He's really great, he is very serious about his recovery, is active in NA, and has a good support system. A problem we've been having is that when we have sex he doesn't stay hard the whole time and it takes him a very very long time to finish, if he even does. I don't want to make him feel bad or insecure so I haven't tried to talk to him about it very much.

I can't help but take this a bit personally and wonder if I'm doing something wrong or he's not attracted to me. I don't have any friends or anything who are recovering addicts and I am not an addict, so I don't really know much about the effects of his drug use on sexual function. He said that he hasn't had much sober sex before this, he pretty much always used to do it when he was high. Is this typical for someone who used to use heroin? How long will it take for his sexual function to get back to normal again or will it ever? Also, he doesn't take suboxone or anything like that. Is there anything I can/should do about this? Does sober sex just not feel very good for addicts?

Also, I feel really bad because sex has been really good for me and I'm just worried that he's not enjoying it as much.

Welcome to SR, Dashmi.

Many things, including drug use can cause sexual dysfunction, and it's rarely about the partner, just something that happens to many men at different times of their lives.

His doctor can advise him on this, there are medications that can be prescribed to help, but this would be his decision to make.

I guess you will have to decide how important this is to you and your relationship.

It is most likely the past drug use that is causing the problem and has nothing to do with his attraction to you.

How long has he been sober? It may be a situation that he just hasn't been sober long enough for those dopamine levels to get back to normal. It takes a long time for the body to heal from addiction.

You also didn't mention his age or how long he used. Those could be factors causing the sexual dysfunction as well.

A medical doctor would best be able to advise him and you.

gentle hugs
ke

Dashmi - my boyfriend is also an ex-heroin addict, he had the same problem after he stopped. Heroin messes with your brain's serotonin levels, and when you stop doing it, you brain will take a while to go back to normal.
Maybe if he spoke to a doctor about it, he could get a prescription or something. My boyfriend didn't say anything to his doctor about it. After about three months he was pretty much back to normal.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is keep trying! And if it's too fast or he can't stay hard, he can focus his attention on you to keep you happy until he gets better. =)
So, I can say at least in my case that it did get better, it just takes some patience. That stuff really messes up your body and he just needs some time to get back to normal. Don't get down on yourself thinking it must have something to do with you!