hurt and distrusting

Old 04-04-2011, 05:17 PM
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Unhappy hurt and distrusting

hi, i'm new to this and i'm looking for someone to talk for support. i meet my husband about 5 years ago through an NA meeting. i myself am not an addict but have family members in NA. So when getting into the relationship i knew what was instore. okay well for the past couple of weeks i've felt like something was going on with my husband. From being in past relationships of cheating i've learned to trust these feelings. So i went snooping through his fb and seen that he was asking a friend for some pills. he told me they were bc he wanted to wean off the attavain that he was perscribed. That was about 2 weeks ago and since then i still havent felt right. i found out today by snooping that he has been using again. we have been through it before but this time its very hard for me bc he was getting his opiates from a female at his work. u see with my past relationship i have become very insuricure about myself. i dont think that he would ever cheat on my but im very distrusting about the female he works with now. for me not being in
NA or an addict i feel as though he is going to emoitionally connect with her.
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Old 04-04-2011, 05:34 PM
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Welcome to SR, CJ.

I learned early in the game to trust my instinct. It didn't take long before I no longer needed "proof" that my son was using, his behaviour told me all I needed to know, regardless of what his words said.

I remember how off-balance his using made me, and no matter how hard I tried, cried, begged, threatened, or tried to control...he used when he used and nothing could make him stop. If love could make them stop, not one of us would be here.

What helped me was live meetings. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here find our balance. Maybe check your area and try some meetings near you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by trying.

I'm sorry you are going through this, and glad you joined us here.

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Old 04-04-2011, 06:34 PM
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Well Ann I have been to al-anon but the meetings in my area don't have ppl my age. I didn't feel like I could connect with them and open up.
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Old 04-04-2011, 06:39 PM
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Instead of worrying about something you only suspect might happen, how about concentrating on what you know has happened. Your husband has relapsed and is again using. How do you feel about that? Is that a deal breaker in and of itself?
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Old 04-04-2011, 07:02 PM
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I just found out today but he has been sober for a week now. I know that we can work through that. We have sat and talked a lot today about how I feel and what to do. I just wish that he would open up to me about having the urge to use rather than me finding out after the fact. He says he's embarrassed but I'm his wife for better or worse. I wished he realized that it's easier to work through it before it becomes a problem.
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Old 04-04-2011, 07:16 PM
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Originally Posted by cj86 View Post
Well Ann I have been to al-anon but the meetings in my area don't have ppl my age. I didn't feel like I could connect with them and open up.
When I find myself in situations where I am substantially younger or older than most, I forget about it and look for what I have in common with people.
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Old 04-05-2011, 06:15 AM
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Welcome to SR.......I'm glad you found us. The good news? You can't see us! You don't know whether we're your age or not! lol And the other good news? We understand what you're dealing with because all of us also love someone who is addicted. There are a lot of people here who are willing to share their experience, strength and hope. You are not alone.

If you don't want to attend f2f meetings, do you like to read? There are some excellent resources out there that can help you deal with the emotions and behaviors associated with codependency. Most of us who love an addict become embroiled in the dance of the disease and understanding the dynamics can be very helpful.

I hope you stick around. SR is a wonderful place that has helped me regain my sanity and find my "peaceful place".

gentle hugs
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:30 AM
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HURT and Distrusting, too

I have an ex H that is "now" a ex recovering addict. I have been divorced from him for 4 years, have spoke with him in 3. Now about 4 months ago he popped up after he had been arrested by the Fed's, (drugs, stealing, etc.) wanting me to listen, etc. I did... waited to see if treatment was on the table. It was. He wanted me back, knew better... Wait to see what behavior he shows after rehab.... Now I am trash again, and he is hooked up with a female from the rooms.. Never changes..
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Old 04-08-2011, 09:56 AM
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I don't know in my experience, and with my ex spouse the meth addict it was a very bad experience. . .I will never date nor engage in a personal relationship with an addict again. Mainly because this is a life long and ongoing thing, it almost seems like you have to accept the fact that the addict is going to have "slips" and even relapses. I just wasn't really interested in living the rest of my life that way, and/or going through the distrust or waiting for them to lie, use behind my back. Honestly if you have to snoop, to me there is something wrong there. . I'm just sayin. Life with an addict, even one that has been sober for a while is not an easy life. Best of luck to you sincerely, I feel your pain. Been there done that.

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