Playing by the rules
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Playing by the rules
It's been a while, but my 23 year old RAD broke one of the house rules. She overslept and wasn't out of the house by the set time. The consequence is no bed here tonight. I called my husband before reminding her. I asked him to make sure he was 100% on board and he was. If he wasn't, I would have asked him to come up with an alternate consequence we could both live with.
She let out a little squeak as she was walking away, whining about us waiting to dish out consequences until she was 23. I smiled to myself, because she and I both know that since she has the ability to see the obvious, she also has the ability to deal with it. And she will in her own way, whatever that ends up being.
I told her that while I was confident I was doing the right thing, I was 100% willing to discuss it with her and her recovery team if she thought I was wrong, but it was up to her to schedule the appointment. I was calm and sincere, too, because God knows I've made some really bad decisions in the past. But I said until she schedules the appointment, I was standing firm.
I also said we were concerned with her well being, so if she had to sleep in her car, she could park it here. I told her I didn't expect her to jump up and shout whoopee but needed to let her know. Then I shut up and walked away.
It was all pretty calm and normal after that. We shared a laugh about something, she finished getting ready, then we hugged each other and exchanged I love you's. I asked her to let me know, if she's able, where she ends up tonight and she said OK. Her cell phone finally broke last night so I may or may not hear from her.
It's taken a lot of growing pains one day at a time, and just for today, I feel really good. No fears, no anger, no pain, no obsessing, and everything in good conscience
She let out a little squeak as she was walking away, whining about us waiting to dish out consequences until she was 23. I smiled to myself, because she and I both know that since she has the ability to see the obvious, she also has the ability to deal with it. And she will in her own way, whatever that ends up being.
I told her that while I was confident I was doing the right thing, I was 100% willing to discuss it with her and her recovery team if she thought I was wrong, but it was up to her to schedule the appointment. I was calm and sincere, too, because God knows I've made some really bad decisions in the past. But I said until she schedules the appointment, I was standing firm.
I also said we were concerned with her well being, so if she had to sleep in her car, she could park it here. I told her I didn't expect her to jump up and shout whoopee but needed to let her know. Then I shut up and walked away.
It was all pretty calm and normal after that. We shared a laugh about something, she finished getting ready, then we hugged each other and exchanged I love you's. I asked her to let me know, if she's able, where she ends up tonight and she said OK. Her cell phone finally broke last night so I may or may not hear from her.
It's taken a lot of growing pains one day at a time, and just for today, I feel really good. No fears, no anger, no pain, no obsessing, and everything in good conscience
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You're welcome Sometimes I feel a little silly sharing stuff like that, but I figure if I don't share the good with the bad I'm not doing anyone any favors, including myself.
I have to admit I kind of surprised myself a few minutes ago. We just had a wicked storm blow through and there were funnel clouds, not sure about touch downs. I said a quick prayer for all my loved ones and everyone in the storm's path, then grabbed my cat and ran for cover. Then I let it go. Unless I hear otherwise, I'm assuming we're all OK. I feel like I just passed some kind of karmic test LOL!
Sometimes I feel a little silly sharing stuff like that, but I figure if I don't share the good with the bad I'm not doing anyone any favors, including myself. I have to admit I kind of surprised myself a few minutes ago. We just had a wicked storm blow through and there were funnel clouds, not sure about touch downs. I said a quick prayer for all my loved ones and everyone in the storm's path, then grabbed my cat and ran for cover. Then I let it go. Unless I hear otherwise, I'm assuming we're all OK. I feel like I just passed some kind of karmic test LOL!
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(((Chino))) - as dad would say, "you done good" Your daughter knows the rules, and she now knows that you will follow through with the consequences. You ended up laughing, saying "I love you's" and that is awesome.
We're getting the same storm you had
Dad is driving home from NY and battling the same weather. He just called and is pulling over to sleep.
He'll be okay, your daughter will be okay, and WE will be okay (along with our cats )
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Your daughter knows the rules, and she now knows that you will follow through with the consequences. You ended up laughing, saying "I love you's" and that is awesome.We're getting the same storm you had
Dad is driving home from NY and battling the same weather. He just called and is pulling over to sleep.He'll be okay, your daughter will be okay, and WE will be okay (along with our cats
)Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
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chino
Thanks for sharing. I think that the successes we have are as important to share as the times we feel beaten down and vunerable.....if not more so. By sharing your experience, you show others how to "do it" well.
gentle hugs
ke
Thanks for sharing. I think that the successes we have are as important to share as the times we feel beaten down and vunerable.....if not more so. By sharing your experience, you show others how to "do it" well.
gentle hugs
ke
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Amy, I thought about my dad, my elders, my amazing young army cousin, and even my son when I held the line. None of them would make an allowance, no matter how good things are going. My son learned that from us, too, so it's not like we're unable. Speaking of, my son has his own home about 10 miles from us. When I let him know what I did, he said she wouldn't call him because she brought it on herself and she knows it.
Taking things for granted is a slippery slope towards entitlement, and I'm not willing to go back there. I can't allow others to take me for granted and I can't take my recovery for granted, either.
Kindeyes, it dawned on me yesterday that I share hard lessons I've learned, I give encouragement, and sometimes I try to give hope when I share my daughter's recovery, just for today. Hope for us is a good idea, too
Taking things for granted is a slippery slope towards entitlement, and I'm not willing to go back there. I can't allow others to take me for granted and I can't take my recovery for granted, either.
Kindeyes, it dawned on me yesterday that I share hard lessons I've learned, I give encouragement, and sometimes I try to give hope when I share my daughter's recovery, just for today. Hope for us is a good idea, too
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Location: Louisiana
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((Chino))
what a strength and love you showed your daughter ~ what faith in her abilities to honor herself too!
You are a very loving, healthy Mom to her!!
Thanks for sharing the tough love stories - I really needed to read one today!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
what a strength and love you showed your daughter ~ what faith in her abilities to honor herself too!
You are a very loving, healthy Mom to her!!
Thanks for sharing the tough love stories - I really needed to read one today!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
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