Keeping Quiet Is So Hard!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Norcross, GA
Posts: 19
Keeping Quiet Is So Hard!
Just a little vent... hope y'all don't mind....
It is SO hard for me to keep quiet and not bitch/give advice/give him a hard time when something happens! I am working right now on accepting my ABF and allowing him to make his own choices without me trying to tell him what to do (can you tell I'm a recovering codie??). I'm trying so hard to stay away from trying to control him. I guess practice makes perfect lol
My ABF takes the local bus to his 3 day/week outpatient rehab program. Today he got hung up trying to burn a CD for someone and missed both the buses that would get him to his class on time. He called to tell me what was up and I just stayed quiet as he told me what a dummy he was and how he is waiting for the next bus, that he was not getting angry and upset (which is what he would normally do) and that he was not wanting to go use (also what he would normally do when stressed). I was really proud of him for staying calm about it and just waiting for the next bus but I was DYING to just say "You know you shouldn't waste time doing stupid stuff like burning cd's in the morning, you've been doing this class long enough that you should be able to get there on time, blah blah blah".
I KNOW all of that is counterproductive and I'm kind of proud of myself for not saying any of it. He actually thanked me for being understanding so I guess I did good. But dear lord is it difficult not to just tell him that he's an idiot!!! It's even more difficult to not THINK he's an idiot! Baby steps, right? Maybe if I don't say it, I will stop thinking it. He's going to do what he wants to do, regardless of what I say, do or think.
Anyway. Thanks for letting me vent. It's been a good 12 days of sobriety for him and I am enjoying today. I hope you are all having a nice day too.
drinkingwater
It is SO hard for me to keep quiet and not bitch/give advice/give him a hard time when something happens! I am working right now on accepting my ABF and allowing him to make his own choices without me trying to tell him what to do (can you tell I'm a recovering codie??). I'm trying so hard to stay away from trying to control him. I guess practice makes perfect lol
My ABF takes the local bus to his 3 day/week outpatient rehab program. Today he got hung up trying to burn a CD for someone and missed both the buses that would get him to his class on time. He called to tell me what was up and I just stayed quiet as he told me what a dummy he was and how he is waiting for the next bus, that he was not getting angry and upset (which is what he would normally do) and that he was not wanting to go use (also what he would normally do when stressed). I was really proud of him for staying calm about it and just waiting for the next bus but I was DYING to just say "You know you shouldn't waste time doing stupid stuff like burning cd's in the morning, you've been doing this class long enough that you should be able to get there on time, blah blah blah".
I KNOW all of that is counterproductive and I'm kind of proud of myself for not saying any of it. He actually thanked me for being understanding so I guess I did good. But dear lord is it difficult not to just tell him that he's an idiot!!! It's even more difficult to not THINK he's an idiot! Baby steps, right? Maybe if I don't say it, I will stop thinking it. He's going to do what he wants to do, regardless of what I say, do or think.
Anyway. Thanks for letting me vent. It's been a good 12 days of sobriety for him and I am enjoying today. I hope you are all having a nice day too.
drinkingwater
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by drinkingwater 
... but I was DYING to just say "You know you shouldn't waste time doing stupid stuff like burning cd's in the morning, you've been doing this class long enough that you should be able to get there on time, blah blah blah".
You didn't scold him, you treated him like the adult he is, and yep, practice makes perfect. It was a VERY hard habit for me to break because my qualifier is my daughter. I scolded when she was a little girl when it was appropriate, but kept on as she got older.
On second thought -- I've scolded a few adults, too. Well then! Thank you for your post! I just realized I've been a bigger control freak than I thought
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 24
It's hard work. .I admire that you are able to hold your tongue. I did not do so well when I was married. . .notice the word WAS in there. Hang in there, if you are able to do this and accept him as he is, to me that is admirable!! Take care, best of luck to you 
Nena
Nena
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