At my breaking point- My sister is an addict!
 

Hello all SR members. A short summary of my story and what led me here. My family has been dealing with my sister's addiction for the last 7 years. As with most families with addicts we have pretty much hit every milestone to this point, but my sister just continues to insist she does not have a problem.

She has done so much damage to herself, her son, and our family that I don't know that it can ever all be repaired. I know she looks at me as the enemy because I have a no nonsense approach to issues and of course as an addict she can't take the truth and refuses to see a problem. It got to the point that she physically attacked me last summer in front of my children and I had to cut all communication with her and my father. My relationship with my father is probably the one that has suffered the 2nd most because of his blatant denial that she needs help. But that's a whole other story.

As of yesterday I think we all got the real life wake up calls we needed. Mine was yesterday after school when she came to pick her son up from my house. Within the first few seconds of her stepping out of the car I could clearly see that if I let my nephew go with her I would be as irresponsible as her showing up that way. I simply let her know that I was not going to let him go with her as long as she was in that state. Again, she reacted like an addict, she gave him a hug and kiss and walked out the door- no fight no debate no nothing! That infuriated me! I am not only an aunt, but also a mother of 3 and could never imagine doing that if someone told me I could not leave with my kids! But I suppose that is part of the addiction and to us on the "outside" it will never make sense.

Then, last night she was arrested for possession of cs w/o rx and paraphenalia. My parents had to go pick up her car (because of course technically it is theirs) and the police took what evidence they needed and left my parents to be responsible for the clean up of the rest as she was arrested at the mobile home they had to evict her from last year and have been trying to sell. They had to clean up syringes that none of were even aware she was using. Talk about a slap in the face with a big dose of reality! So now my nephew has 2 parents in jail and more memories of things that I could never even imagine. My parents are in the process of gaining custody of him and I am helping with the daily routine. I have hit my breaking point with her and her addiction! Thank you for all who read this I have been needing somewhere to get this all out without feeling like I am hurting or burdening anyone! May tomorrow be a better day!

Sorry your family is going through this..I too know the way it tears aprt families..the addiction AND the codependancy.What really has helped me is alanon..I got boundaries and a new way of dealing with all involved..do you go?

Thank you keepinon! I have not yet begun to attend any meetings, but I'm looking into meetings in my area and plan to attend once I have found one.

The face to face meetings are essential to my sanity.My SIL was a meth addict and the family has been fractured for 20 years..she recently made amends and we are communicating now. My dauhgter (19) is a heroin addict w/ six mo. recovery.Alanon really did save me as I was losing the will to live watching her destroy herself.I work the program like my life depends on it because in a way it does..go at least 6 times..try a couple of differnt meetings..they all have their own "flavor'.
In the case of my sister in law..when in her addiction she did alot of crazy and hurtful things, BUT it was my husbands parents who were so enabling and codependant thatREALLY tore the family apart..she was using..they were making horrible decisions while sober..the codependancy is just as bad if not worse as the addiction and we all play our parts..

Addiction truly is a family disease, not one of us escapes the pain of watching someone we love destroy themselves.

I am another one here who found my balance and regained my sanity by attending live meetings. By all means give them a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And if you can get your family to go too, bonus, but you are the one here asking for help so I can only address you. Try several meetings in your area until you find one that "fits" and seems right for you. I promise it is one of the best things you will ever do for yourself.

We can't do much for our addicts except pray for them and hope. But the little boy may need someone to be his voice and keep him safe. I always feel saddest for the small children.

I'm glad you joined us, stick around and get to know us a little better, and know that you are among friends here who understand.

Hugs

Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here.

I'm very glad you didn't let her take your nephew. FWIW, she's going to be mad at anyone who doesn't do what she wants them to do.

I'm an RA (recovering addict) and and recovering codie (codependent). When I was actively using, I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted, and damned the consequences. I lost a nursing career, almost everything I owned, and honestly, didn't care.

After being clean, then relapsing, the whole time lurking on SR, I finally decided to work hard at both recoveries.

I can tell you that I'm very grateful that my family did not enable me. Sure, dad would come to the town I was living in, hunt me down, take me to lunch, then drop me back off in the hood. I can still see the pain in his eyes.

For me, it took a lot of consequences before I chose recovery. Jail was one of them. I read on SR for hours and hours, took tips from people who had been in the same situations. I became really good friends with several people here, and we e-mail all the time.

It sounds like you are miles ahead of where I was, when I began. I'm glad your parents are planning to adopt your nephew and that he will have them and you.

It's okay to say "enough!!!" and break away from her. It helps us to keep our sanity and serenity. I broke up with my ABF, when I got clean, and though I still loved him, I could not be around him. Unfortunately, his bottom was death. I knew, though, that I had done what I could for him and was sad, but at peace.

This forum has helped me more than I can say. I still slip into codie-ness, but I come here, and get support and suggestions, and I feel much better.

You're not alone, by a long shot. I've never gone to al-anon meetings, but that's just me. I get all the support I need from SR and friends/family.

Keep coming back, and check out the meetings. You'll be amazed at how much it helps.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy