Do addicts tell friends how bad off they REALLY are
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Do addicts tell friends how bad off they REALLY are
Do addicts tell friends how bad off they really are?
Do addicts confide to the personal friends about how bad they really are? Do they admit to committing crime or lying for their habit? Do they discuss the consequences they suffered wether financial,careeer, or health? Or do addicts simply get high with their friends?
Just thinking about how many of the problem one's friends have something to show for their lives after decades of work and career and yet he has little to nothing pushing 50. I wonder how his friends go to work everyday or even get drunk or high with him wonder why he doesn't even have house in a poorer neighborhood, a marriage or a career/job. Or that he sits on unemployment going to the same events and bars they do-for over a year.
As family we can see through his crap but do friends see through it? Even if he's totally honest with his friends wouldn't they start thinking after a while there's something going here?
We're wondering if he's being totally honest with his friends about his current status. He always brags I know lawyers, doctors , cops etc and his lawyer buddy apparently didn't call weeks before or after a major court hearing yet he spoke to him several times for advice. His management buddies sent him job leads all the time and didn't completely follow through on one.(we wondering since he made management he gave the impression or told people he had a college degree-not, he's selling himself as "professional" management- without a degree-part of his no job troubles.)
We heard about a local job fair and he said he didn't want to apply because he knew people who worked there. After a year of unemployment I'd be desperate for any job any where. I think he tells people his half assed attempt to start a business is his business/income. He is hyper conscience of image, he's always worried about he'll be percieved to the point of dwelling things like fashion over resume.
How honest is an addict amongst their close friends including the ones they get high or drink with?
Do addicts confide to the personal friends about how bad they really are? Do they admit to committing crime or lying for their habit? Do they discuss the consequences they suffered wether financial,careeer, or health? Or do addicts simply get high with their friends?
Just thinking about how many of the problem one's friends have something to show for their lives after decades of work and career and yet he has little to nothing pushing 50. I wonder how his friends go to work everyday or even get drunk or high with him wonder why he doesn't even have house in a poorer neighborhood, a marriage or a career/job. Or that he sits on unemployment going to the same events and bars they do-for over a year.
As family we can see through his crap but do friends see through it? Even if he's totally honest with his friends wouldn't they start thinking after a while there's something going here?
We're wondering if he's being totally honest with his friends about his current status. He always brags I know lawyers, doctors , cops etc and his lawyer buddy apparently didn't call weeks before or after a major court hearing yet he spoke to him several times for advice. His management buddies sent him job leads all the time and didn't completely follow through on one.(we wondering since he made management he gave the impression or told people he had a college degree-not, he's selling himself as "professional" management- without a degree-part of his no job troubles.)
We heard about a local job fair and he said he didn't want to apply because he knew people who worked there. After a year of unemployment I'd be desperate for any job any where. I think he tells people his half assed attempt to start a business is his business/income. He is hyper conscience of image, he's always worried about he'll be percieved to the point of dwelling things like fashion over resume.
How honest is an addict amongst their close friends including the ones they get high or drink with?
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grandiose plans
Originally Posted by cynical one 
They're about as honest with their friends as they are with themselves. With normies they will tell their grandiose plans.
I know when they were young even the lawyer and cop guys partied with him. I always wonder if they think he hasn't wised up yet or his 'grandiose' plans keep any scrutiny at bay.
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so true! I know my AH is quite a conman, the cops believe him, his lawyer beleives him, his new friends believe him and quite honestly I did too for many years!
in the end, when I dont know, the truth comes out. I know in my case its coming to a head (at least I think) but the main thing is for us to not give up the fight when we know the truth..
Im amazed at the stories I hear he told people, they dont buy it anymore as a matter of fact most people dont want anything to do with him, thats his fault, his loss..
you keep going! the truth will come out
in the end, when I dont know, the truth comes out. I know in my case its coming to a head (at least I think) but the main thing is for us to not give up the fight when we know the truth..
Im amazed at the stories I hear he told people, they dont buy it anymore as a matter of fact most people dont want anything to do with him, thats his fault, his loss..
you keep going! the truth will come out
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Thanks to Cynical One for the answer. This question really has been on the periphery of my brain for some time, although I did not realize it, so the thread caught my eye.
I am aware that my son lives with a girlfriend and her heroin-addicted sister. In the few conversations I have had with my son, I noticed that he compared himself to that heroin-addicted sister. So, yes, from my little experience with this, my son is comfortable in this environment because he looks so good compared to the drama of heroin addiction. And everybody in that house thinks the same way. My son is their "rock" because he is so much more together. I actually verbalized this to my son. My prayer is that this situation will blow up, that this type of enabling will be dis-abled.
Hopefully some RA's will come along with more insight.
I am aware that my son lives with a girlfriend and her heroin-addicted sister. In the few conversations I have had with my son, I noticed that he compared himself to that heroin-addicted sister. So, yes, from my little experience with this, my son is comfortable in this environment because he looks so good compared to the drama of heroin addiction. And everybody in that house thinks the same way. My son is their "rock" because he is so much more together. I actually verbalized this to my son. My prayer is that this situation will blow up, that this type of enabling will be dis-abled.
Hopefully some RA's will come along with more insight.
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Originally Posted by thequest
How honest is an addict amongst their close friends including the ones they get high or drink with?
Thing is, I firmly believe that on some level-based on my experience-that most addicts/alcoholics know how truly messed up their lives are.
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Originally Posted by sailorjohn
Really, someone that can't admit to themselves how f***ed up their life is?
Thing is, I firmly believe that on some level-based on my experience-that most addicts/alcoholics know how truly messed up their lives are.
Thing is, I firmly believe that on some level-based on my experience-that most addicts/alcoholics know how truly messed up their lives are.
Since I had no friends when I was drinking, the point is moot.
But my ex, now, he and his using friends would never sit around and talk about the problem they have in common. (other than excuses and complaints about how the world is against them).
Also I do think most addicted people do know how messed up they are, I know I did for sure, but never put the words in my mouth.
Never said it out loud until I was sent to rehab.
Thequest,
When you say "problem one" are you talking about the addict? Is the "problem one" a teenager or something?
Beth
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Interesting question. I've wondered a bit about this same thing but in my heart I knew the answer.
I think Cynical One hit the nail on the head. And I think Sailor John also hit the nail on the head.
I think they know but DENIAL isn't just a river in Egypt.
Thanks for the question and the very spot on responses!
gentle hugs
ke
I think Cynical One hit the nail on the head. And I think Sailor John also hit the nail on the head.
I think they know but DENIAL isn't just a river in Egypt.
Thanks for the question and the very spot on responses!
gentle hugs
ke
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Originally Posted by sojourner
I am aware that my son lives with a girlfriend and her heroin-addicted sister. In the few conversations I have had with my son, I noticed that he compared himself to that heroin-addicted sister. So, yes, from my little experience with this, my son is comfortable in this environment because he looks so good compared to the drama of heroin addiction. And everybody in that house thinks the same way. My son is their "rock" because he is so much more together. .
Thank God I had enough alanon training to just keep my mouth shut..we had picked this kid up 2 days prior to take her to the ER for detox..she had NO SHOES, pockmarked skin, greasy, foul hair, weighed 99 lbs with all her clothes on..pretty hifalutin indeed.Now she cringes and laughs at what she said, but while actively in her disease, she couldn't see ANYTHING..would've been like arguing with an ALzhiemers patient. Thats how deep it goes..
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Originally Posted by cynical one
They're about as honest with their friends as they are with themselves. With normies they will tell their grandiose plans. With using buddies they will do the comparing down…"I'm not as bad as Billy Bob, at least I haven't __________[fill in the blank…lost my car, job, house, woman OR I haven't lied, cheated, stolen OR I haven't stuck a needle in my arm, huffed paint whatever makes them look better than Billy Bob].
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Originally Posted by wicked
I agree with SailorJohn.
Since I had no friends when I was drinking, the point is moot.
But my ex, now, he and his using friends would never sit around and talk about the problem they have in common. (other than excuses and complaints about how the world is against them).
Also I do think most addicted people do know how messed up they are, I know I did for sure, but never put the words in my mouth.
Never said it out loud until I was sent to rehab.
Thequest,
When you say "problem one" are you talking about the addict? Is the "problem one" a teenager or something?
Beth
Since I had no friends when I was drinking, the point is moot.
But my ex, now, he and his using friends would never sit around and talk about the problem they have in common. (other than excuses and complaints about how the world is against them).
Also I do think most addicted people do know how messed up they are, I know I did for sure, but never put the words in my mouth.
Never said it out loud until I was sent to rehab.
Thequest,
When you say "problem one" are you talking about the addict? Is the "problem one" a teenager or something?
Beth
The problem one is a family member, who I'd rather not say for confidentiality. His friends among others might venture here with good reason themselves. Also the fact he has so many different things going on from excessive drinking, gambling, steroids, recreational drugs, caffinated sodas, sports supplements and EXCESSIVE spending I don't know what I'm dealing with-is it a condition, irresponsibility, alcoholism, possible drug addiction or what's THE problem. You're talking about someone who made well over 50k a year averaging 50k a year in debt including 5 figures to other family-with no mortgage and a roomate sharing rent. Besides never bothering with price tags where does 50k a year plus go?
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I've always wondered what his more responsible and more sober friends are wondering at this point? They got to know but I think he's gone out of his way to give the impression or illusion he's got everything under control. I don't know.
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Denial isn't just a river in Egypt... it is a huge part of addiction. Whether it is conscious or not, to admit they are a mess means admitting they have a serious problem.
I heard such chestnuts as: "I'm glad I never got into real legal problems like other addicts I know" Even though he had a DUI, taken to jail for loitering, public intoxication.. at least it wasn't murder!
My fave is how he hated to be around the homeless people in the free programs he went to. Programs he qualified for because he was......... homeless!
To see how bad off he was while in it almost seemed impossible.
I heard such chestnuts as: "I'm glad I never got into real legal problems like other addicts I know" Even though he had a DUI, taken to jail for loitering, public intoxication.. at least it wasn't murder!
My fave is how he hated to be around the homeless people in the free programs he went to. Programs he qualified for because he was......... homeless!
To see how bad off he was while in it almost seemed impossible.
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i just want to thank you for starting this thread and to everyone who responded.
it is so true. my husband goes way out of his way to be extra responsible, the yard and the house has to look extra presentable, etc. and it used to drive me crazy. i just thought, he was overly well "responsible". now i see that it is all part of a big cover up. as long as everything is perfect, his addiction cannot possibly be a problem. after all it's not like he's hurting anyone.
the only thing messing up his perfection right now is the fact that me and the kids are gone to stay w/ my parents, which is "my choice" as he says, also having nothing to do w/ him or his drug use.
and how many times have i heard "well, it's not like i do it every day" or "haven't i done anything good" as if it were a balancing act - if i do everything right, then i get to hang out w/ my drug friends and use drugs.
thank you all for the insight. it made me feel much better.
hugs and prayers.
it is so true. my husband goes way out of his way to be extra responsible, the yard and the house has to look extra presentable, etc. and it used to drive me crazy. i just thought, he was overly well "responsible". now i see that it is all part of a big cover up. as long as everything is perfect, his addiction cannot possibly be a problem. after all it's not like he's hurting anyone.
the only thing messing up his perfection right now is the fact that me and the kids are gone to stay w/ my parents, which is "my choice" as he says, also having nothing to do w/ him or his drug use.
and how many times have i heard "well, it's not like i do it every day" or "haven't i done anything good" as if it were a balancing act - if i do everything right, then i get to hang out w/ my drug friends and use drugs.
thank you all for the insight. it made me feel much better.
hugs and prayers.
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Lying is such a huge part of addiction. My RABF and I were talking about this other day, because his friend is sinking further and further into alcoholism. My RABF was lying to himself, me, and all of his friends about the problem. Probably his dealer (another "friend") might have had an idea to the scope of the problem. They would trade drugs. However, they probably both rationalized it to themselves and each other. If they were honest with themselves, their friends, etc., then they would have to admit that they have a problem.
Oh, and RABF loves to rationalize his addiction, too. He even will talk about alcoholic friends, trying to say that alcohol is somehow worse than his addiction of pain-pills. Give me a break.
Oh, and RABF loves to rationalize his addiction, too. He even will talk about alcoholic friends, trying to say that alcohol is somehow worse than his addiction of pain-pills. Give me a break.
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When I first started my decent into addiction, I was abusing opiates. Yes, I knew how bad I was, but I most certainly didn't admit it to anyone. It was when I lost my nursing career, that it came out. However, by then, I had moved on to crack. I only hung around with other crackheads, and everyone knew what I was doing.
I was also in denial about my codependency. I KNEW things weren't right, but I also thought that I was "special"...my XABF just hadn't yet realized how I could make his life wonderful.
Sick, is what I was. Grateful for recovery and SR
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I was also in denial about my codependency. I KNEW things weren't right, but I also thought that I was "special"...my XABF just hadn't yet realized how I could make his life wonderful.
Sick, is what I was. Grateful for recovery and SR
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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