Married to an addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New braunfels, texas
Posts: 8
Married to an addict
I'm not too sure where to start or what I am expecting from this but what I am sure of is that I am in a real bind. I am married to an addict. Next month will be our five year anniversary and we have two young children ages 2 and 4. My wife's drug(s) of choice are Xanax, Valium, soma, hydrocodone, marijuana, and pretty much any other narcotic pill she can get her hands on. Before we were married with children, I knew she took pills but the full extent of the addiction didn't show up until after our son was born. In one years time, she spent over $10,000 out of our savings on mail order prescriptions (mostly Valium). I tried over and over to help her until one day, I came home from work to her passed out on the floor and our 1 yr old son roaming around the house. I packed up my son and myself and told her that if she didn't get help we were gone. The next day, she signed up for a 30 day, $20,000 rehab program here in Texas. All seemed well until she decided to leave rehab 5 days before completing. She came home and seemed like she was on the right track and then came baby number 2 and the same cycle followed. Constant secrets, constant lies, constant accusations, adultery, 2 separate marriage counselors, and thousands of dollars being spent on drugs. Its almost like I have dealt with it for so long that I've become numb to situation and it has become easier for me to make sure my children and myself are taken care of and basically just leave her to her own actions. I understand that by doing that, I am only enabling her but what are my options?...divorce? It breaks my heart to think that my children would have to go through that but at the same time, my biggest fear is that my children will follow in her footsteps. To change the subject, the most recent events occurred about 5 months ago when my wife was going through a bad time with drugs and staying up all night. I would get up for work at five and she would still be up, literally looking like a zombie. I couldn't leave my kids with her so I would call family and friends to go over and make sure the kids were ok. Well, one morning her father went to the house to find the kids outside, the front door locked, and my wife passed out on the couch. He called the police and that's when CPS got involved. They gave me full supervision rights with the kids and she cannot be alone with them at all. She has to go to AA meeting everyday, go to an intensive outpatient rehab, take random drug screenings(which she has never passed), see a counselor, and attend parenting classes. Even with all of the pressure from me and the state of Texas, I am still finding pills in her purse/car. Just last night I found pills and when I confront her about them this morning, she says she found them in her car and brought them in so I could see her flush them!....seriously?!? It is like I'm trapped in her prison and cannot get out. Will she ever quit? How many more chances do I give her? Am I being a horrible father for subjecting my children to this even though they love their mommy? I am sorry for the long post but it is nice sometimes to get things off my chest. My children are getting older and starting to ask why mommy is acting this way. Thank you for the reponses.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
dear bmcco5
i was so sad to hear about your family situation and at the same time amazed how similar your situation is to mine. i have been married for 5 yrs and have 2 children, 4 and 1, and 3rd one on the way.
my husband has been using cocaine for what it now appears to be before we even got married. i knew that he smoked marijuana even before we met, but he would always seem to try and want to quit. i saw his struggles with it and believed that he would be able to kick that habit since weed is not perceived as a such "strong" drug and when we met we were both in college so it was somewhat acceptable.
anyways, just recently (about a week ago) i came to my parents home b/c i saw my husband leave one of his drug using friends house. he claimed that he hadn't done any drugs, but refused to take the drug test.
i have spent the whole last year either kicking him out or leaving myself with the kids every time i knew that he used and hopefully this time i will be strong enough not to allow his addiction to get back in our lives.
sorry to ramble on about my problems, but i couldn't help but relate.
in my opinion the best way is to get out and get out of that mess as soon as you can. believe me i know how hard and heartbreaking it is. my children are also crazy about his daddy, especially my little girl. it breaks my heart every time she talks about how much she misses daddy and all her toys.
however, i have to stay strong and protect my kids as much as i can from the chaos that a drug addiction causes on the whole family.
even if it is hard for you to not to be around your spouse or not to be there for them, please do it for your kids. unless your spouse gets clean and stays clean your family life will never be normal or good enough to raise children.
i hope that i'm helping, i'm new to SR myself.
what has helped me is learning as much as i could about the particular addiction. also please do not get discouraged if you do not get many replies right away. i was told that the weekends are usually slower than workdays and also that it helps if you try to break up your posts in paragraphs since they are easier to read and people tend to skip long posts without breaks.
i admire you for your courage, because it takes courage to reach out and seek help for your family. stay strong and keep believing that things will get better with time. they always do.
please come back to the forum.
my prayers and encouragement are with you. take care or yourself and your little ones.
i was so sad to hear about your family situation and at the same time amazed how similar your situation is to mine. i have been married for 5 yrs and have 2 children, 4 and 1, and 3rd one on the way.
my husband has been using cocaine for what it now appears to be before we even got married. i knew that he smoked marijuana even before we met, but he would always seem to try and want to quit. i saw his struggles with it and believed that he would be able to kick that habit since weed is not perceived as a such "strong" drug and when we met we were both in college so it was somewhat acceptable.
anyways, just recently (about a week ago) i came to my parents home b/c i saw my husband leave one of his drug using friends house. he claimed that he hadn't done any drugs, but refused to take the drug test.
i have spent the whole last year either kicking him out or leaving myself with the kids every time i knew that he used and hopefully this time i will be strong enough not to allow his addiction to get back in our lives.
sorry to ramble on about my problems, but i couldn't help but relate.
in my opinion the best way is to get out and get out of that mess as soon as you can. believe me i know how hard and heartbreaking it is. my children are also crazy about his daddy, especially my little girl. it breaks my heart every time she talks about how much she misses daddy and all her toys.
however, i have to stay strong and protect my kids as much as i can from the chaos that a drug addiction causes on the whole family.
even if it is hard for you to not to be around your spouse or not to be there for them, please do it for your kids. unless your spouse gets clean and stays clean your family life will never be normal or good enough to raise children.
i hope that i'm helping, i'm new to SR myself.
what has helped me is learning as much as i could about the particular addiction. also please do not get discouraged if you do not get many replies right away. i was told that the weekends are usually slower than workdays and also that it helps if you try to break up your posts in paragraphs since they are easier to read and people tend to skip long posts without breaks.
i admire you for your courage, because it takes courage to reach out and seek help for your family. stay strong and keep believing that things will get better with time. they always do.
please come back to the forum.
my prayers and encouragement are with you. take care or yourself and your little ones.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Welcome to SR!!!! You have found a GREAT place with lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) from folks who have been or are where you are at now.
Since CPS in involved, and you are in Texas you might want to go for a legal separation, which would get her out of the home, and with her history and CPS on your side, they would order 'supervised visitation.' That would mean she would have to leave, no money from you, none of your money to buy her pills, and she would start to suffer the 'consequences' of her actions.
Will that make her 'want' recovery? Don't know and can't say, but it will certainly start to bring her closer to her bottom. Everybody's 'bottom' is different.
It will also take part of the problem away from your children. The easiest answer to give them right now is 'mommy is sick and mommy needs help that we cannot give her.' And it is true, mommy is sick and .................................. you cannot help her.
I will also suggest that you try some AlAnon meetings. At least 6 different ones, as they all have a little different 'flavor' while carrying the same message. AlAnon can be a great help for you.
You might also want to get the book "Co Dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie, it is available on Amazon.com at a very reasonable price. Many of us here have read it, and highlighted it many times and use it as a 'tool' to deal with our A's and learn how to live with or without them.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Since CPS in involved, and you are in Texas you might want to go for a legal separation, which would get her out of the home, and with her history and CPS on your side, they would order 'supervised visitation.' That would mean she would have to leave, no money from you, none of your money to buy her pills, and she would start to suffer the 'consequences' of her actions.
Will that make her 'want' recovery? Don't know and can't say, but it will certainly start to bring her closer to her bottom. Everybody's 'bottom' is different.
It will also take part of the problem away from your children. The easiest answer to give them right now is 'mommy is sick and mommy needs help that we cannot give her.' And it is true, mommy is sick and .................................. you cannot help her.
I will also suggest that you try some AlAnon meetings. At least 6 different ones, as they all have a little different 'flavor' while carrying the same message. AlAnon can be a great help for you.
You might also want to get the book "Co Dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie, it is available on Amazon.com at a very reasonable price. Many of us here have read it, and highlighted it many times and use it as a 'tool' to deal with our A's and learn how to live with or without them.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New braunfels, texas
Posts: 8
Thank you!
I just wanted to say thank you to both of you who replied to my post. It is very nice to know that there are people who care. I have known for a long time that I am the one who needs to do something....I just haven't had the courage to take the first step. Everytime I take a step away from her, she somehow finds a way to reel me back in. I have often thought about what I would tell a friend if they were in my situation and the answer is the same every time. I would tell him to leave her and protect the children. However, something inside of me feels like it is my responsibility to "help" her. I guess maybe the way to do that is to stop protecting her from her mistakes. I have gone to a couple al anon meetings and the one thing that really hit home was an old man saying "your chances of changing an addict are NONE...period". It's difficult to fully grasp that concept but I am working on it daily. I have put more hours into praying for a solution when I should be acting on making the solution happen. It's strange to think that another persons addiction could have this effect on me but it has literally consumed my thoughts and actions for the last five years. What makes things very difficult is that I live 9 hours away from my family, I work for her father (who has had addiction problems in the past), i don't really have a lot of friends to rely on, and I guess I'm scared in a way of what everyone else will think if I leave her. I have not even gone to visit my family for over a year bc they will not allow my wife to stay at their house bc last time she stole my disabled sister's medication. The whole situation is just an absolute mess. I am not a perfect man by any stretch of the imagination but I often ask myself, what have I done in my life to deserve this. I'm only 28 yrs old but feel like I'm 50. I will keep on going though bc my children need me to. I thank you all so much and I will pray that you find any answers that you are searching for.
Brent
Brent
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
bmcco5
you are welcome and i am glad to see that you are back. everyone here has been so nice and supportive and sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to that is going through the same situation.
and you are right, every time you try to move away from the drama, somehow it finds you again, either through the guilt or through the love that we have for our spouses.
thank you for your good wishes. it is hard, but it is not impossible, nothing is. stay strong and take care.
you are welcome and i am glad to see that you are back. everyone here has been so nice and supportive and sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to that is going through the same situation.
and you are right, every time you try to move away from the drama, somehow it finds you again, either through the guilt or through the love that we have for our spouses.
thank you for your good wishes. it is hard, but it is not impossible, nothing is. stay strong and take care.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by bmcco5 
However, something inside of me feels like it is my responsibility to "help" her.
I can sometimes resemble that feeling. It's called codependency.
It's strange to think that another persons addiction could have this effect on me but it has literally consumed my thoughts and actions for the last five years.
Not strange at all in this forum. Most of us know too well how we quickly slipped into obsession with someone and a situation beyond our control.
....and I guess I'm scared in a way of what everyone else will think if I leave her.
While I am not inclined to care what people think of me, in this case, what are they going to think if one of the children becomes injured as a result of negligence or if you lose custody of them?
.....but I often ask myself, what have I done in my life to deserve this.
Have you considered the possibility that we chose to be victims or not?
Brent
I can sometimes resemble that feeling. It's called codependency.
It's strange to think that another persons addiction could have this effect on me but it has literally consumed my thoughts and actions for the last five years.
Not strange at all in this forum. Most of us know too well how we quickly slipped into obsession with someone and a situation beyond our control.
....and I guess I'm scared in a way of what everyone else will think if I leave her.
While I am not inclined to care what people think of me, in this case, what are they going to think if one of the children becomes injured as a result of negligence or if you lose custody of them?
.....but I often ask myself, what have I done in my life to deserve this.
Have you considered the possibility that we chose to be victims or not?
Brent
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New braunfels, texas
Posts: 8
Wow, thank you for being brutally honest. I need to hear the truth and be brutally honest with myself.
I have known in my head for a long time what really needs to happen, but my heart seems to have a mind of it's own. She will not voluntarily leave and because Texas does not recognize legal separations, my only option is divorce. It's a very sad road for me to take but at the same time, the thought of being free from her destruction is a welcoming one.
When you spoke of me being codependent, I completely agree. I have heard more times than I care to count that she wants a divorce but for some reason she never goes and gets one. Just this morning she left a 3 minute voicemail saying she hated me, she wants a divorce, how horrible of a father/husband I am, etc, etc....and for some reason I take it.
I spoke to her cps caseworker this morning and shared with her all of the drugs I found and she told me that she is going to do what she can to have my wife removed from the home. I am just not sure if I should wait for them ( they take forever to do anything), or go get a lawyer myself.
I am going to make this right and in the process I feel like I could save her life. Thanks again for the great words of wisdom!
I have known in my head for a long time what really needs to happen, but my heart seems to have a mind of it's own. She will not voluntarily leave and because Texas does not recognize legal separations, my only option is divorce. It's a very sad road for me to take but at the same time, the thought of being free from her destruction is a welcoming one.
When you spoke of me being codependent, I completely agree. I have heard more times than I care to count that she wants a divorce but for some reason she never goes and gets one. Just this morning she left a 3 minute voicemail saying she hated me, she wants a divorce, how horrible of a father/husband I am, etc, etc....and for some reason I take it.
I spoke to her cps caseworker this morning and shared with her all of the drugs I found and she told me that she is going to do what she can to have my wife removed from the home. I am just not sure if I should wait for them ( they take forever to do anything), or go get a lawyer myself.
I am going to make this right and in the process I feel like I could save her life. Thanks again for the great words of wisdom!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I am just not sure if I should wait for them ( they take forever to do anything), or go get a lawyer myself.
If you 'wait' for them to take action, and let's face it, they are way overloaded, someone in that office, a supervisor, etc could look at your 'waiting' as you not really caring about the children and they could try and pull them from both of you.
Just to be on the safe side and protect those beautiful kids, go get a lawyer, start the proceedings.
I know 'divorce' sounds so terrible, but keep in mind ........................ and I have seen it happen ........................ that the A does get clean, works a program and the two of you down the road somewhere might get back together ................... it has and does happen.
Starting the 'divorce proceedings' will also give you a 'temporary' visitation order for her which should also include 'supervised' visitation. Your lawyer can explain it to you, but it will be best for your children.
J M H O
Thank you for continuing to post and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much about you and the children. Your A also, but we know that A's only get 'it' when they are ready to get 'it'.
Love and hugs,
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Brent, Welcome to SR!!!!
Lots of folks here can offer their Experience, Strength, and Hope (ES&H). Addiction is a horrible disease, but what we learn here and face-to-face in Al-Anon meetings is a thing we call the 3C's: We didn't cause the addiction, we can't control the addict, we can't cure the addict.
I know this must seem as though you have to do everything at once, but you don't. It probably would be very wise to hire an attorney and make sure your rights are protected!
Hugs and prayers, HG
Lots of folks here can offer their Experience, Strength, and Hope (ES&H). Addiction is a horrible disease, but what we learn here and face-to-face in Al-Anon meetings is a thing we call the 3C's: We didn't cause the addiction, we can't control the addict, we can't cure the addict.
I know this must seem as though you have to do everything at once, but you don't. It probably would be very wise to hire an attorney and make sure your rights are protected!
Hugs and prayers, HG
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR......I'm glad you found us. There are so many people here who are going through or have survived what you are dealing with. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. It is so very difficult--particularly when children are involved.
There are a lot of great suggestions in the above posts. To answer your questions as to whether she will ever stop doing drugs. Some do. Some don't. But she won't do it until she's good and ready--not a second sooner. And you don't have control over when (or if) that will be.
We are very big on self-care around here. We can't change the addict but we can take care of ourselves (and the kids) and it sounds like you are already moving in that direction. That's GREAT! None of these issues resolve themselves overnight. We all know that what will solve the problems is for the addict to stop using but we can't control that so we have to look for other resolutions and take it one day at a time.
Stick around. Read. Educate yourself on codependence and addiction. Post. Vent. Learn and grow. Those are the best suggestions I have for you.
Take care of yourself and the kids and know that you are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
There are a lot of great suggestions in the above posts. To answer your questions as to whether she will ever stop doing drugs. Some do. Some don't. But she won't do it until she's good and ready--not a second sooner. And you don't have control over when (or if) that will be.
We are very big on self-care around here. We can't change the addict but we can take care of ourselves (and the kids) and it sounds like you are already moving in that direction. That's GREAT! None of these issues resolve themselves overnight. We all know that what will solve the problems is for the addict to stop using but we can't control that so we have to look for other resolutions and take it one day at a time.
Stick around. Read. Educate yourself on codependence and addiction. Post. Vent. Learn and grow. Those are the best suggestions I have for you.
Take care of yourself and the kids and know that you are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: southeast
Posts: 111
BMC005
Sorry to here about your situation. I am also married to an A.
You need to realize she has already abandoned your marriage & family.
You are only her keeper at this point. You are her ability to live in a house, be fed, dry & warm.
You need to legally finalize the destruction she started on all of you.
Then pray she gets clean at some point for the sake of your children.
But you are their only parent right now.
Good luck, Be strong!
Sorry to here about your situation. I am also married to an A.
You need to realize she has already abandoned your marriage & family.
You are only her keeper at this point. You are her ability to live in a house, be fed, dry & warm.
You need to legally finalize the destruction she started on all of you.
Then pray she gets clean at some point for the sake of your children.
But you are their only parent right now.
Good luck, Be strong!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by bmcco5
..... because Texas does not recognize legal separations,..
We might as well be different countries.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New braunfels, texas
Posts: 8
Thank you all again for your support...it truly means the world to me. My situation is not something that is a part time problem....but a full time job with overtime.
I wanted to give you all an update on what's going on. I ended up notifying cps, her counselor, and her rehab center about the pills I've found and it absolutly made her furious. She has literally been screaming at me to get a divorce for the last 3 days and guess what?...I am. She told me just this morning that "those are my prescriptions and I'm going to take them". I had a long conversation today with her cps caseworker today and her advice to me..."I am trying to do all I can for your family but my hands are tied. If I were you I would go ahead and file". Pretty much everyone I know (with the exception of her mother), agrees that is my only option.
Am I scared? Absolutly. Am I said? Of course. But I just know how sad I will be when one of my children decide to follow in mommy's footsteps bc I have allowed her to do it. The way I see it is one of two things will happen. She will either quit or she won't...but she will do it on her time, not the children or mine.
My mother told me today, love is not an emotion it is a decision. The emotions you feel are a bye product of the decision you made. So make decisions that give you the desired emotions. Kind of cheesy I know but it really made me think about just how important the choices I make are. I have to decide before anything will ever change.
I pray for you all and goodnight
I wanted to give you all an update on what's going on. I ended up notifying cps, her counselor, and her rehab center about the pills I've found and it absolutly made her furious. She has literally been screaming at me to get a divorce for the last 3 days and guess what?...I am. She told me just this morning that "those are my prescriptions and I'm going to take them". I had a long conversation today with her cps caseworker today and her advice to me..."I am trying to do all I can for your family but my hands are tied. If I were you I would go ahead and file". Pretty much everyone I know (with the exception of her mother), agrees that is my only option.
Am I scared? Absolutly. Am I said? Of course. But I just know how sad I will be when one of my children decide to follow in mommy's footsteps bc I have allowed her to do it. The way I see it is one of two things will happen. She will either quit or she won't...but she will do it on her time, not the children or mine.
My mother told me today, love is not an emotion it is a decision. The emotions you feel are a bye product of the decision you made. So make decisions that give you the desired emotions. Kind of cheesy I know but it really made me think about just how important the choices I make are. I have to decide before anything will ever change.
I pray for you all and goodnight
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Your Mom is a very wise woman.
I am glad that you contacted CPS, her counselor and her rehab center. I hope you wrote down who you talked to, the date and the time. Again CYA. Then, after you start the divorce proceedings, put that information into an email and email it to your attorney, of course, saving the email.
It's called Document, document, document, lol
Sounds like you are moving forward for you and the children.
Hope you and the kids have a good night, what's left of it!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
I am glad that you contacted CPS, her counselor and her rehab center. I hope you wrote down who you talked to, the date and the time. Again CYA. Then, after you start the divorce proceedings, put that information into an email and email it to your attorney, of course, saving the email.
It's called Document, document, document, lol
Sounds like you are moving forward for you and the children.
Hope you and the kids have a good night, what's left of it!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: NY
Posts: 23
BM Welcome! Stay strong through this process. I know it must be so emotional for you.
Just remember: By you taking these steps: You are putting your children first and protecting them and their best interests.
You are taking yourself out of a battle that you can't win for her. She has to be ready herself.
By no longer enabling her, this may be the push she needs to get help and stop for good and save her life.
If this isn't her "bottom" point, you and the children are removed from this situation and can live normally.
When you doubt yourself, your decisions, or become emotional about the situation, remember these reasons, the "pro's", the "whys". It helps calm the anxiety.
I sympathize with you, as I've been living my my boyfriend who's an addict himself for 3 years now. I've learned a lot. I can relate to parents not living close by either. I live in NY and my parents live in FL!
Please keep us updated we're here for you.
Just remember: By you taking these steps: You are putting your children first and protecting them and their best interests.
You are taking yourself out of a battle that you can't win for her. She has to be ready herself.
By no longer enabling her, this may be the push she needs to get help and stop for good and save her life.
If this isn't her "bottom" point, you and the children are removed from this situation and can live normally.
When you doubt yourself, your decisions, or become emotional about the situation, remember these reasons, the "pro's", the "whys". It helps calm the anxiety.
I sympathize with you, as I've been living my my boyfriend who's an addict himself for 3 years now. I've learned a lot. I can relate to parents not living close by either. I live in NY and my parents live in FL!
Please keep us updated we're here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New braunfels, texas
Posts: 8
I'm not too sure what to think today. After finding Xanax, soma, and hydrocodone in her purse last thursday and seeing her passed out on the floor...she passes a drug test today. Am I crazy? Is that possible? The babysitter even mentioned to me that she kept nodding off all day and didn't know what to do.
This really complicates things for me bc it makes me appear to be the liar...any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm not crazy am I?
This really complicates things for me bc it makes me appear to be the liar...any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm not crazy am I?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Norcross, GA
Posts: 19
I'm not sure but maybe pills like that get out of your system quickly? You're not crazy. That's one thing I tell myself a lot. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. You're looking out for your kids and yourself. One passed drug test does not mean she is better. I hope that you will continue to move forward and not let yourself get dragged back in. This is her fight - if she chooses to fight it.
Stay strong!
Stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
There are so many ways to pass a drug test. My favorite way used to be going to the local GNC and picking up a bottle of detox juice. $20 bucks and I NEVER failed a drug test. IMHO, you have to be an idiot to fail a drug test. :-) .
That said, I found it helpful to take the focus off whether or not my ex was using drugs and put it on his behavior. Drugs were beside the point. I didn't want my son growing up thinking I condoned his father's erratic, unpredictable, irresponsible behavior - drugs or no drugs - it was just not ok to act that way. He was a poor examplefor his son and according to my personal values, I should never have accepted that kind of behavior around me or my child. God forbid, my son grow up thinking that his daddy's behavior was ok and then imitate it with the excuse, "daddy did, why can't I???!!!!"
Drugs are no excuse. And no drugs are even less of an excuse.
And then document document document. It can't be stressed enough the importance of writing everything down - and the dates. Keep a journal. Hindsight is 20/20.
That said, I found it helpful to take the focus off whether or not my ex was using drugs and put it on his behavior. Drugs were beside the point. I didn't want my son growing up thinking I condoned his father's erratic, unpredictable, irresponsible behavior - drugs or no drugs - it was just not ok to act that way. He was a poor examplefor his son and according to my personal values, I should never have accepted that kind of behavior around me or my child. God forbid, my son grow up thinking that his daddy's behavior was ok and then imitate it with the excuse, "daddy did, why can't I???!!!!"
Drugs are no excuse. And no drugs are even less of an excuse.
And then document document document. It can't be stressed enough the importance of writing everything down - and the dates. Keep a journal. Hindsight is 20/20.
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