amimakingthisup

Well good evening.. I have come to this forum because I am having a problem with my family, however nothing is 100% certain with me and this seems to be the problem with my life.. To make it very simple to understand, I am turning 22 in a few months, I consider myself a very dependable, strong, mature, worthy man who admits he abused marijuana. I have realized marijuana can be abused, therefore have taken it out of my life for now, however I need you guys to know the background I have in drugs..
I have unfortunately tried many nasty drugs in my youth, however since 19 on after a horrible experience with Ecstasy it has been pot use nonstop..

Basically my issue is a funny one, in that my situation is literally that "one in a million" situation where I am being told it is all in my head, but really all the people around me could be doing it..

Basically for the past few years I noticed something different about my father and really so this doesn't turn into a book like it has on other forums where I go on rambling about my whole life, to keep it simple I just "knew" or had an instinct that he was on something.. Now as a pot-user then, this put me into what I call a "state of shock" and I will explain so you can understand. Basically I am totally against drugs like cocaine/crack/ecstasy the very reason being because I had bad experiences and til I die would be 100% against those types of drugs, just as most of you would be.. In my naive 17-18 year old mind, this made me want to smoke pot even more..
If its confusing you it should because it confuses me too..
Basically I became "aware" that he was using some type of upper drug and to this day I still don't have a name for it because I say god-forbid everyday it is crack, so I tend to go with the more "what I think is less bad" cocaine..

Now as a 17-18 year old like I said this made me mortified and only made me smoke even more, however I see now at the age of 21 that pot is a drug that can be abused as well and really this is the problem . .

My parents have said because I smoked so much pot I have imagined this whole scenario, where-by they are doing drugs and everyone around me is as well..
I could go into so many details about what happened; one thing that I know some of you must have deep feelings for is the whole "hands twiddling in the pockets" thing. Now I have to first say I am never one to analyze people, I understand there are all types of energetic people out there who have their hands in their pockets, but don't you know that type of action is from cocaine use where-by they twiddle around in their pockets? I know there is someone out there who knows what I'm talking about..
Then I found out my sister was doing it and to keep it simple, my whole concept in life about drug-use that is unfortunate for me is that I CAN NEVER TELL when someone is on that type of drug, I can't see it in their eyes like other people can, and I admit that to myself everyday..
With my sister, I actually found the substance and at first she claimed it was for someone else, (still wrong right? what was she thinking) however after much yelling and screaming on my part (as a man should do!) she finally admitted to it, but a very important point in this whole story is the whole "I can't tell" aspect..
Basically I am a very instinctual guy, I run off instincts and feelings, wholeheartedly knowing 100% that these can always be wrong.. That is where my gullable-ness comes in..

Basically I have been living in this fantasy where my whole family tells me they don't do such drugs, I made it all up in my head I am schizophrenic, and it is because my drug - use of marijuana..
Now I am a man who can definitely get used to the idea that marijuana can cause problems, I can see someone ruining their life with it, and that is where I am at right now . . I have quit it for only a couple days but know I will go for months/years until I sort this issue out with my family..

I don't even know what I am asking, I had this problem on other forums because my story is so strange, where-by I have never actually SEEN my parents snorting something, but have all sorts of feelings, instinctual things, thoughts, and just plain experiences that make me think something is up . .
And what makes this so screwed up is that I know marijuana can make you think things that aren't true, but not to this extent . .

I really don't know how anyone could help me because you probably all have your feelings about pot and I agree with you guys, pot is a drug it can cause problems, but my case is literally that "one in a million" where his parents are lying to him and he is perfectly sane. .
In the other forums I basically wrote my life-story of things that had happened for example one day a guy had come to my house who I had never met before, asking for my father, saying something about a "christmas tree on craigslist" which made no sense because my father doesn't use craigslist.. I called my father up, and you have to understand before-hand alot of this stuff is feelings I have, I really can't describe it with words it's just like you "know" you know? Basically I called my dad, and before I say what he said so you get the picture, this was around Christmastime and we had thrown the christmas tree out on the side of the yard for the gardeners to chop up and throw away.. My instincts and feelings were flaring up big-time and my dad said "well don't we have that christmas tree out on the side?" like he was actually asking me, and I stood there for a second in shock because this was proving to me everything I had thought, I had basically been living in my own world because I didn't want to believe all of this, and then just as quickly it was as if he realized he made a mistake and he said oops and kind of left it at that . .
That is just one situation of many, so you get a picture of how confusing my life is..
To this day we have arguments because they don't look the same to me (which they say again is from the marijuana) their eyes are freaky . .

Really guys it's so hard for a man to type up a story like this, it's pulling out all these feelings in me I am trying to suppress because I don't want to believe it . . There are all kinds of signs and symptoms I notice, the red eyes, the sniffing, the hands in the pocket, however with a drug like this you really could never tell people seem like normal people, especially with a guy like me with as big as an imagination as I have..

So that is where we stand today, I have decided to solve it once and for all and get off the pot, however I just KNOW that nothing will change, it is not as if they will look any different or something will become "more clear" or such, I highly doubt in 4 - 6 months things will look different you know? They keep saying just stay off the pot and you will get better, they keep saying it's all in my head I made everything up and really I have nothing to give to you guys except I just KNOW, and to you that sounds like what a drug-addict would say but it's not . . It's like an instinct you know? Like I don't know how else to put it . . The ****** up thing about cocaine is the most beautiful/successful/most mature acting people do it and you can never tell and I really believe this is how it is with me . .

Alright guys I really am just looking for another soul to connect with who has gone thru something like this, but has the unfortunate past of marijuana use that is clouding everything, yet at the same time your love for marijuana would only be stronger because of some situation like this that you have been put thru by the ones you love . .

amimakingthisup

I have re-read my post and really I left out so much. I guess I am feeling selfish sitting here, it is so hard to sit and type out and rehash all of this crap when you are trying to live your own life you know? And what makes it even more hard is that everything you have witnessed, as a man, is basically off of feelings and emotions and thoughts and instincts, however it all very well could be true . .
For example alot of our "family friends" or my parents friends even some family members they claim were past crack-heads, and I look at these people and can't even see anything, they look like normal people. That really is the problem with me, nothing is concrete it's just like "you know" as immature and childish as that might sound . .
I think I shut myself up so much and gotten into my own world and closed my eyes shut because I don't want to believe all of this . .
What I forgot to say about the incidents above, such as the incident with the guy coming to the house and even just in everyday chatting with my parents, it's always "no it wasn't like that" or "i got it wrong" like I somehow heard them wrong or mis-interpreted it. For example my father said he was joking on the phone that day but he wasn't, I can say with 100% certainty I know my father he wasn't joking, I am not making this up, and he couldn't even joke about that because it wasn't that type of situation . . But after the fact it's always "no man i was just joking with you come on" so you see this is my daily life now this is what I go thru as a 21 year old man, laughable rite??

edit: He even tried to convince me I have scizophrenia and imagined the whole incident, asking if my dogs were barking when it happened, because our dogs always bark when someone knocks . . And "did you hear the doorbell?" that sort of stuff

And without any concrete evidence without actually seeing them doing it, not mentioning all the snorting sounds I have heard and all that crap "oh but no man it is my allergies" my life is literally a joke . .
I couldn't believe that they would carry on the lie this long and with this much intensity . . And I just know marijuana doesn't cause crap like this, as much damage as it can do a person, not to this extent I don't believe, not imagining a whole false reality . . This isn't false you know? My dad and my mother when her make-up is off they look like totally different people and it's not just age as they say, they frighten me I don't even recognize them. . . I am caught up in this horrible world where-by I don't even know anything anymore . . Yet I won't sit here and say I imagined this because of pot, I simply won't put myself so low and demean myself to that extent, I do not think that low of myself . . I know how strong and intelligent and observant I am as a 21 year old man . .

I guess without any concrete evidence you guys can't do much, I guess I'm asking for signs of cocaine abuse or something similar, maybe some other soul who smokes pot as well who couldn't believe his whole family does it, yet just KNOWS it to be true based off instinct which has never failed him before . .

laurie6781

I don't know that we can help you here.

However, since you have used a lot of pot, might I suggest you find a therapist that specializes in addictions. Not saying you are addicted, but a person who specializes, I am sure will be able to help you sort through this.

Hope you find what you are looking for.

Love and hugs,

kiki5711

you're right that without any physical concrete evidence to show that your parents are taking any kind of drugs, you will "APPEAR" as that it's all "in your head".

If you want to "shut up" the thoughts that are freaking out over this, make a concrete point to prove to yourself whether it's true or not.

If you paranoia continues even after you've made good effort to find out the truth but have not found anything, then if I was you, I would go to share this with my psychiatrist.

It may be that your thought process has somehow been affected to the extent that you're "feeling" and reading too much into everything, therefore confusing you and raising your suspicions when there's none warranted.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR.......I hope you find the answers that you are looking for here.

Pot. Well......I did my fair share when I was in my late teens and, for me, it caused auditory hallucinations and made me paranoid as heck! I thought I could "hear" peoples thoughts. And quite honestly, as I can recall because it was a very long time ago, everyone looked wierd to me and most of the time it made me self conscience and made me laugh at things that weren't suppose to be funny. I eventually grew out of my pot smoking phase and all of those things got better.

So my take on this is..........you are taking some great first steps. If you stop smoking pot for an extended period of time, your perception of things may change. The best way that you can prove or disprove your theories is to remove their obvious defense which is.....you're smoking a lot of pot. That is within your control.

gentle hugs
ke

Seren

Hello, and Welcome to SR!

First of all.......breathe........slow down just a bit.

Lots of thoughts spinning around just a bit too fast perhaps.

Usually, if someone who is using drugs is asked point blank, they will say NO. Just kinda how that works. Would YOU have 'fessed up if asked back in the day?

Now, whether or not your Dad is using drugs, you can still live a peaceful and happy life. The thing about someone ELSE's addiction, you did not cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure them. But, you can set healthy boundaries for yourself.

If you are living at home and don't like to be around someone using drugs, then you might consider taking the steps you need to begin living on your own.

I hope that things will work out for you! If there are meetings near you, I can recommend Al-Anon for face-to-face support. If that isn't your thing, perhaps individual counseling is an option.

Keep reading, keep asking questions! HG

outtolunch

Being mortified made you smoke more is one dandy rationalization.

As for the rest, your family and dad and all that.....what does it matter if he/they use drugs? You cannot control this.

Quitting smoking is the one thing you can control. No need to waste time and energy pondering other people's business. Know what I mean?

amimakingthisup

wow I wouldn't of thought anyone would of got that far, I greatly appreciate you all taking time off your day to read about this strange situation of mine . . It is really awesome . . I will answer the questions in the order they were asked . .

Laurie: I actually went to our family psych, here is the scoop on her. She was helping our family out alot over the past years, not recently, but maybe 2 years ago and back she was helping my sister all the time, sister has bipolar . . So she definitely knows about our family.. My father kept saying let's go talk to someone so they finally made an appointment for me to talk with her, however after much forgetting on my father's part, as in we would argue 1 nite, he would say let's go talk to someone, then get up the next day argue again and he would forget he had already said that. I went to see her by myself after my parents changed the scheduling to make it just me instead of all of us (go figure, they wanted it to be me and psych, and then my parents and psych separately) and now she doesn't even work like that anymore, she is a school counselor (ok, nothing weird about that, however for me it enforces this issue even more as i will explain) . . She said she only sees very few people once in a while such as our family who she cares about deeply, a select few who once in a while need help, but other than that she works as a school counselor . . Anyway, the first time I saw her, maybe about 2 months ago, 1.5 months ago, she claimed she doubted my parents did anything and advised me to stop the pot, and that was basically that.. She said she would have an appointment with them, which was another issue I had been upset with because my parents had been so "lets get up and go!" attitude to solve this, yet now they were backing down to go talk to her alone . . So after a week of stopping the weed, and so you don't get confused this was like i said 1.5 months ago, i have smoked since then, but have now been off it for about 5-6 days. .
So after stopping for a week I went to see her again and now things were different. She was exhibiting the same signs of my parents and sister, and so I figured they were hooking her up and really it's hard to explain because the looks she was giving me was just like "I know" you know.. She never denied again, she said she was sorry she failed me stuff such as that ...
I got mad at her and said "but you sat here and tried to tell me, *insert my name here* no, not your mother too" as in she was giving me this bull about how she didn't think my mother would too, yet now for whatever reason it was like she wasn't resisting anymore . . She did this thing where she put her head down and said sorry, just weird crap like this that I go thru everyday, where-by there is not a specific "yes i am doing cocaine" it's more the way they look at me and stuff . . .
So basically that made me think ok well they are hooking her up too, which can very well be the truth, as my parents are very influential people and I wouldn't doubt they were hooking her up . .
She also said something like she would call my mom every week to check on her, so you see it's stuff such as this that just makes my life even more confusing and ridiculous... I know you might say that's what a delusion is, but THIS CANNOT BE FAKED, i know how to read people's faces as a mature, grown 21 year old man, and there was no mis-reading of this psych's face or what she was telling me . . .

Fast forward to I get home, have a huge fight with my parents because my dad is still saying "give it a little longer" crap like that, as if he is just playing with me . . .

kiki: I do consider myself as feeeling alot and reading into things, but I successfully know how to control this, and I am the most sane man there is. I know how to distinguish fact and fiction, and I know when something I'm thinking or feeling can be wrong. I am the most open man I know as well..

Leise: I can't even respond to such rubbish people like you were on the other forums as well.. telling me crap like "why do you care" "mind your own business" what are you nuts? How dare you say something like that to me, this is my family, my blood. Maybe you would turn a cheek if this was your family, what are you a robot? Well you are not me, and this will affect me for the rest of my life whether I choose or not.. I really don't think like alot of you guys where-by you make it so cut and dry, as in I need to live my life not worry.. There really is not black and white with me, I will forever suffer for this because I am not into these types of drugs and will forever be trying to get my family off of them . .
Really stuff like that pisses me off, it's as if you are a robot and could care less. "Oh yeah let me live my life and be happy dappy all day as long as I'm good I'm good I'm not going to care about other people" that's actually one of the worst lifestyles/types of people I can imagine.. I suffer the world's problems everyday, it's called being a man..
I will always feel pain for my family when I can't change them, and it's not as if I will be sad everyday, I can find my own happiness, but it IS a bit of both, so don't make it so black and white, yes I will be living a happy life we all know that, woo-hoo for me I am a man I can handle myself I will of course lead the most beautiful life there is, however every day of that beautiful life as much of the happiness i will have flowing thru my veins, there will be a tinge of sadness as well, and that's just how it is..


kindeyes: Yes there seems to be a lot of mis-information out there about pot. You have doctors saying it cures cancer, autism, heals people, and you have doctors saying it causes schizo, all kinds of disorders.. I do admit I abused it, that it can be abused, and I am healing from that.. However I know I will always enjoy/smoke pot it is a beautiful thing, I am not a drinker . . I will not post my views on pot and make this a pro-pot debate, however you should really look into the studies and make your own conclusions. It is not for everyone, however for the sane/strong-minded/conscious men it can be a blessing . . (and for these same strong-minded individuals it can also ruin them, that is a good point)

It's pretty much clear with me now as it always has been. I am not making this up, they are clearly intoxicated with something, it does suck for me, I will move ahead and forge my own paths and live out happiness, however I will also suffer eternally so that is how it is . .

And for right now I am continuing on my path of no marijuana . . Thank you for the support!

Dee74

Hi amI

I think it's important to realise that everybody who responded here took time out of their day to give you advice. You don't have to agree with it, or take it, but I think you'll get the most out of our forum if you try to see the spirit in which advice is offered.

For my part minding my own business in my own dysfunctional family has served me very well. I learnt that not everything is my responsibility to fix...and that that's not selfishness, it's establishing healthy boundaries for myself, rather than being too far involved in other's sicknesses.

I'm not going to make a judgment on your story - None of us can say that things are not as you see them.

but I do think for your peace of mind you should consult a therapist who is unconnected with your family and run this all by them.

D

kiki5711

Hooking her up? You mean that she's on something as well? Or you mean they're just feeding her lies same as to you?

My opinion is that it would be a good idea to find a psychiatrist that has no prior history with you or your family. Someone more qualified as she's only a school counselor.

Maybe you could try your own experiment. No smoking pot for about 3 months straight and evaluate your thought process then. See if you still feel the same about the whole situation.

You need to prove to yourself whether your thoughts and feelings are correct. In re-evaluating the situation, you need to be open to the possibility that you did in fact make a mistake.

I am also a "thinking"-"feeling" kind of person and my whole perception of people and life is concluded based on those. My "feeling antenna" is always on alert and picking up information. The challenge to me was learning how to turn that antenna off. It can, and will eventually drive you crazy if you don't learn how to control it.

In all honesty, many times if not most, I have been correct in assessing someone, or a situation, but it took me a long time to learn how to react to it. It is definitely a learning process. Smoking pot only "heightens" that antenna up to a 1000% and you're receiving all sorts of information and thoughts, some correct, some mixed up with other feelings, therefore confusing the hell out of you.

If smoking pot is not being "fun" any more then it's time to quit it.